This Easter was a first. I took MP to church.
The morning was spent hunting for eggs … 63 to be exact. Sixty-three eggs means a LOT of photos. By my best estimation, MP had had enough of the camera and “Show me the egg!” around number 38.
An hour later, after each and every egg had been accounted for, we put on our best duds and raced into church — something, admittedly, I haven’t done … uh … in awhile. I think the last time I went was MP’s baptism at eight months, and that was in a different town altogether. Bad Mommy. At any rate, MP was crazy excited to dress up and go to Easter Services …
Which lasted about 10 minutes into the sermon. Much to the amusement of the parishioners seated behind us, MP occupied herself by practicing curtsies and bows in the aisle until a woman in the back delivered a Jesus Coloring Book and crayons. MP colored everyone purple and gave them green hair. Very Easter-y, if I do say so myself.
When she tired of that, she busied herself “reading” the Bible. Aloud. Dueteronomy. I had a hard time containing myself. Did you know Dueteronomy is all about fairies? I had no idea.
At one point, the priest was singing praise to God, and encouraging everyone to join in. Elderly people starting clapping, snapping, ringing bells and SHAKING KEYS. Yes, shaky old people shaking keys. Which, aside from those 20/20 reports highlighting people speaking in tongues, rolling on the floor and handling poisonous snakes, was just the weirdest thing I’d seen in church, EVER.
For a split second, MP freaked out. Covering her ears, she looked up and me, and with panic in her voice, asked what the noise was. I picked her up so she could see better.
“Um, that’s just people ringing bells,” I said.
“And … shaking KEYS?” she said. We looked at each other and cracked up. We decided God must be hard of hearing.
I thought we were going to get through it until she heard “Holy Spirit” and about crapped a brick.
Now she thinks God is a ghost.