TMI

I was never the kid who drew on walls. I enjoy making up for lost time with Photoshop. I think it’s entirely possible the power makes me drunk. It’s not always pretty, but it’s FUN.

I believe there are no coincidences.

Dead people are my hobby. Er, kinda. I love all things spooky (or smoooky, as MP would say). Seriously. If I weren’t so scared of bad ju-ju following me home, Ghostbuster would totally be my vocation of choice. And no, I’m not into the occult or anything dark and twisted. Please.

I plot and plan 24/7 how to start my own business. The goal is to be able to make a decent living working via the internet, anywhere, anytime, so MP and I can live three months a year in another country.

MP sleeps with me every night. I think I like it even more than she does.

I don’t discount the possibility of breaking your mother’s back if you step on a crack. That would make me superstitious …

… and completely Obsessive Compulsive. Not the cute, “OMG, I was soooo OCD today!” The real kind that comes with a diagnosis.

monk.jpg

On a Monk scale of 1 to 10, I’m probably about a 4.5. Bad days, maybe as much as a 7.5. Which is waaay better than a lot of people. So if you think I’m not checking comments 100 times a day, you’re the one who’s crazy. Which means, if you care at all about my mental health, you’ll leave me some love.

And after that confession, it should come as no surprise that

iheartpurell.jpg

I totally believe in past lives. Maybe some day I’ll tell you what mine was.

ab1.jpg

Serendipitous – best word ever.

Moist, probe – worst words ever.

Musings – most irritating. I think of corduroy blazers and elbow patches.

Not to mention this guy:

freud.jpg

On that note, full-on beards gross me out.

I don’t drink coffee but have a serious Diet Pepsi addiction. Caffeine free. Because caffeine’s bad for you. And aspartame, phospohric acid, potassium benzoate and phenylalanine ROCK!

I hate when people call their kids ‘kidlets.’ Makes me think of this:

chixcutlets.jpg

Or this:

bracutlets.jpg

Another one that gives me a rash is ‘kiddos.’ I have no explanation. It’s just … yech.

I had personalized license plates in high school. I thought it was cool. It was not. I think it’s safe to say most are an embarrassment.

This, however, is an exception:

omgwtf.jpg

Borrowed from these guys

True or not, I always think MP is the most beautiful child in the room. And I think that’s the way it should be.

I currently have five bags of old bread heels in the fridge – in case we decide to feed some ducks. They’ve been there awhile.

My AMP (After MP) life is WAY better than my BMP life.

And no matter what you think, I really, truly am pretty normal.

34 responses to “TMI

  1. ELBOW PATCHES!!!! Have you notices the similarity in THAT picture and THE OTHER picture? HAHAHAHAHA. Oh, I love you Mommy Pie! And just so you know, you’re a 6.5 all the time! :)

  2. I’m sick of the name kidlet too. Mainly because I call mine that and I think she’s outgrown it. I’ve already changed her name once, so I hate to confuse everyone and change it again. I probably should just confuse them. ;)

  3. I hate, hate, HATE the word “moist.”

    Just found you–I think I’m going to like what I’m about to read. Off to read more!

  4. Whoa. It totally scared me how much you sound like ME! I could have written that. Except, um, I’m probably Monk’s twin sister. ;)
    Glad I found you-can’t believe how much I think single moms are the most powerful people on this planet.

  5. liz

    So excited to have found you — Judging by the comments (since I already read a couple of their blogs!), I don’t know how it took so long.

    Looking forward to reading more!!!

  6. LOVING YOU ALREADY!

    Things in common: paranormal / past-life fascination, Diet Pepsi addiction (although I go fully caffeinated), love of the word ‘serendipitous’, hate of the word ‘kidlets’.

    Wanna be BFF’s?

  7. Jen

    I never thought I was OCD until I read the thing about the comments. I check my comments constantly. It’s really sad.

    Also, love paranormal stuff. I totally believe in past lives. And serendipitous is my favorite word, but I think it is a lot of people’s favorite word so I guess that isn’t really anything special. I never thought of the word moist being bad, but now that you mention it…ewww!

    What are your thoughts on stubble beards? I’ve decided that they are really, really sexy. Full on–not so much.

  8. Why is ‘moist’ on everyone’s worst word list? It is bad though, isn’t it. I’ve never thought of probe – but you’re right. Eeesh.

  9. want that personalized plate! want. it.

  10. I think we are living the same life, albeit I have a husband and two boys. OCD? Check. Frozen duck bread?Check. Disdain for moist? Check. Serendipitous?Check. Beards? Check.

    Could it be that we are one?

  11. How am I just now getting to this? All of the sudden I was all, “wait, I don’t know ‘about’ stuff.” I think I have to go read those first posts before I got here.

  12. honeywine

    I MUST know about your past lives! I’ve had a few myself (yup, I’m a believer). I think we should start a blog post revolution on past lives. Even Oprah had it on a while back!

  13. Happy Father’s Day!! I’m a product of a single mother…and I don’t think single mother’s get half as much credit as they should…so, just wanted to say, that no matter how hard it is right now, one day you’re kids will thank you and will appreciate how hard you work to raise them…I know I did!

  14. Pingback: Happy Father’s Day, Mom! « The Pseudonym Weblog

  15. Teresa

    So happy to have found you! I have to backtrack to see how, but I am sure it was via Greeblemonkey.

    You have me in stitches.

  16. I am so happy Alaina turned me on to your blog! Even though I have my own blog, and I SHOULD be reading and keeping up with the latest in the mommy blogosphere daily, iHeart is my little infant screaming for time and attention, and thus instead of freshly brewed coffee and delicious blog reads, its yesterday’s coffee and deleting spammers on iHeart. Booo! why can’t everyone be just normal and cool.
    Anyway, I love your blog and I’m going to sneak over here often.

    Note: I too dream of a self-sustaining “job” over the internet so Lucca and I can live 3 months out of the year in Southern Italy, and many other places.

    p.s. I’m featuring you on iheart so all our members will hopefully check out a piece of mommy pie!

  17. my family keeps coming in here to see why i’m snorting… but i won’t share!! this is the first post of your’s that i have read and i have to say….i’ll be back…often…checking in… thanks…bye…

  18. Loving it already….

    Can’t wait to dive in and read more….

  19. I hate the word moist too…and “chunk”…..*gag* I can’t stand those words. So glad I found you! :)

  20. You’re too funny! Monkeytoemama turned me onto your site…bummed I missed BlogHernot:(

    Moist doesn’t bother me so much but kiddos…argh! I want to stick a pencil thru my eye when people say that (and they usually follow it with a perky little smile or :) if it’s an email).

    I am, however, working on making the word “pussy” appropriate for polite conversation. Whenever I use it…I get the greatest reactions!!

    xoxo
    tcb

  21. I agree and feel you on so many things–especially the OCD ones. That must be why I like your blog–crazy loves company!

  22. Ok. I couldn’t find your email address- so bear with me here. It could be because I just drank an entire bottle of wine on my own- or the basic fact that I am retarded. But seriously, I agree that great minds do think alike!

    I am pissed that Neil (Citizen of the Month) did not tell me about this- because we are friends and he should have! He knew all about BlogWhore and even feigned that he might come. At any rate, I just love that you “get it.”

    But back to this page:

    I, too, love Photoshop. My past life was definitely someone that came from Italy. I have countless bags of bread heels in my fridge, too. I dislike the word “darling” when it is used in the context of children or clothing- but as long as it is said to a person, using a Bette Davis intonation, then it’s alright. I’m sure there are many others I don’t like, but I can’t think of them now. I’ve definitely never ever uttered the word “kidlet.” Yeesh. It does procure connotations of chicken tenders. And moist- well, that just sounds naughty, which isn’t so bad. ;)

    That said, I drink highly caffeinated, black coffee and dislike soda because of aspartame, phosphoric acid, potassium benzoate and phenylalanine. Ehh, what can you do? We can’t be totally alike, right?!

    Anyway… I’m so glad I discovered you tonight and will definitely reciprocate the blogroll add.

  23. Donna-Michele

    LOL… kindred spirit… again. I have actually had past-life-regressions. You are the best.

    I save bread heals in the freezer, but we make ‘treats’ ( IE comfort foods) out of em… bread pudding, stuffing, and breakfast stratas. Comfort foods are what I make for dinner when I am all PMSie. That or chocolate with cheet-os and pepsie, cereal and chips when it is really bad.

    Now I feel bad for the ducks in our neck o’ th’ woods.

  24. Ok, so I’m a tad late to this party, but the word, “rural” bugs the heck out of me.

    I like rural areas, but the word, I don’t like the way it feels coming out of my mouth. RUUURAL

  25. I found you by way of Myra at We Make Three, and I just wanted to add that the word “budget” is incredibly fun to say, over and over again. Same with “font”. Try it. Dare you not to smile.

    And in case you come over to my world, I swear I was using the same wp format as you already! :)

    You’re cool, Mommy Pie.

    Though my favorite movie of all time is A River Runs Through It. Seriously.

  26. Kim

    Just found your blog off Queen of Shake-Shake. I’m sitting here LMAO at 4 a.m. Never heard the word kidlet before, but I hate it already.

    Hope you don’t mind if I link over to you.

  27. andij1967

    I’m embarrassed to admit that I finally got around to checking out your blog (after weeks of following you on Twitter) and I’m so glad I did! You are adorable, MP is adorable, and I love your unique voice! You rock! ;-)

  28. Um, hello? Moist and probe just so happen to be MY least favorite words! I have a hard time at functions where people are eating cake and going on and on about how moist it is. I keep thinking, can you people even hear yourselves? Also, I am not a fan of the word ointment. How awesome are my gyno visits?

  29. Well, I sent MP a personal message about her blog, but for the love of laughter I had to comment.
    When in the early morning hours, feeling nothing like a MILF or even remotely human; read this blog. You will laugh and it makes the rest of the stuff just stuff.
    Today is Thursday, I am very happy to have found MP today.
    Thanks!
    HM

  30. SuperMom

    Found your blog today and have added it to my favorites! That is so funny about the smooky, my three yr old son says that too.

  31. Drew G

    M.

    I love your blog. It is funny, smart, and creative. I would really enjoy working with you on a contest/giveaway or product review. Please email me for more info.

    Sincerely
    Drew G.

  32. OMG! Haha. That license plate is *definitely* the exception.

    I stopped by after a recommendation by Ms. Single Mama and I have to say that I think you may just be my new blog crush. :o)

  33. sas

    Completely share the beard freakery. ‘Taches though I can handle. Only on certain men.

  34. Tanya

    Hi MP,

    I love your blog and the way you present everything. I’m pretty new at blogging and often feel completely awed by blogs like yours and find myself both inspired and intimidated at the thought of blogging but I try because I love writing.

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