Monthly Archives: May 2008

Next Tuesday, it’s a date.

Wanna go to Prom with me?

MommyTime is hosting a little shindig at her place next Tuesday, June 3 — a little prom retrospective, if you will — and I told her I’d help spread the word. ‘Cause I think it’s totally brill. I LOVE looking at old photos, don’t you?

All you have to do is post about YOUR prom experience, head on over to Mommy’s Martini, link to your post and grab yourself a cool badge.

Bring it on Doogs — the good, the bad, and the just damn ugly. Break those stories and accompanying photos outta the vault. We know you got ’em. Go ahead and purge.

In the meantime, I’ll be doing some digging of my own — WHERE my pics are is anyone’s guess. I haven’t seen them in years.

MommyTime, I’mma scared.


Filed under Piece of the Past

How to get smacked upside the head.

Say this to any female over the age of 10.

Wow, you’re getting bigger!

We need to get you new underwear. Your tush is getting bigger!

(Clapping and smiling won’t help.)


Filed under Piecekeeping

The O-Man Cometh

Last week, our humble town played host to Barack Obama for a few hours. Tickets went fast, and Mommypie missed out, but co-worker QB (who you may remember from the birthday post) scored.

Even Waldo was there.

Mommypie: Tell me about the overall atmosphere.

QB: Besides being in a sweaty, cramped gym with other people’s children kicking my back, great! The organizers did little to pump up the crowd, but people were excited, vocal, and boisterous on their own. We were made to go through TSA (they came allll the way down from the airport) security, and Hubby Bee had to give up his 1/2 inch blade Swiss Army Knife. I told him he was lucky he didn’t have to spend the night in a jail cell for being a stereotypical 20-something white American terrorist.

Mommypie: So, who’s the O-Ho in the red glasses?

QB: This annoying little minion was technically the “Regional Director of the Obama Campaign.” More like “Regional Director of Getting-You-To-Spread-Your-Political-Views-Upon-Unsuspecting-Citizens.”

Mommypie: Yeah, what’s THAT all about? You had to make phone calls?

QB: We were all given a sheet of paper with a list of five names from a phone bank of unsuspecting citizens. On the back side was a sample of what we were supposed to say to these people. Instead of being cursed at, I called one person. Unfortunately YOU wouldn’t pick up the phone, so I called my friend JBee. I didn’t tell her it was me. Well, not at first. I followed the card word for word, and it wasn’t until she dropped the phone in hysterics that I finally lost my composure and told her what was going on. Besides not being a fan of pressing my political views upon the unsuspecting public (or the public at all) there were 10,000 people trying to make phone calls at the same time. Along with all the other people NOT doing what O-Ho told them to do and just plain screwing around while the rest of us (who?) were being good little O minions. The noise made it physically impossible to hear on the phone anyway.

Mommypie: So, how many times was the word CHANGE mentioned? We could make it a drinking game.

QB: More like, how many times was “Yes We Can” mentioned. And that was a whole never. A lot like my interview here. You could feel the crowd yearning for a ’bout of “Yes We Can” chants, their dreams never to be fulfilled. Mommypie, if only you could have joined me at the rally, I totally would have turned CHANGE-mentioning into a drinking game. Assuming we could slip the flasks past TSA security …

Mommypie: Michael Keaton. Hot or not?

QB: BATMAN! O-Ho failed to mention Multiplicity when she introduced the night’s special guest and his long list of work. Apparently no one saw that movie? Bummer. Now readers of the famed Mommypie (EDITOR’S NOTE: Obviously, QB has me confused with someone else.) must understand one thing. Mr. Batman — I mean Keaton — is a town local. He owns at least a penthouse in our town, if not a ranch, condo, townhome, shopping mall and restaurant. So, his appearance might have seemed grand and spectacular to O-Ho, but I’m sure she didn’t get the reaction she expected. (The regional director wasn’t even from this region.)

Mommypie: Yeah, we pretty much fall over ourselves to IGNORE celebs in this town.

QB: Seriously. The washed out jeans and blazer didn’t do Michael Keaton justice. He’s attractive in a soon-to-be-older-actor way. Especially given his task … to introduce the introducer of Obama. Honestly, Mr. Batman’s job was to introduce the mayor of one of the smaller towns (1,300 people to be exact) in the region. The mayor was actually the one to introduce Obama. I did see Mr. Batman downtown at the pizza joint after the rally, however.

Mommypie: So, after seeing the O-Man, are you a CHANGED woman?

QB: Yes I Am! Yes I Am! Yes, I Am! Wait. You know, Mommypie, I’m more changed after writing this account than I was the moment I left the rally. It was an experience. One I wouldn’t give away, but I’m still clinging to the fence. Still pondering the “but … but …” indecisiveness. I’m excited for our state election, I’m excited for November, and I’m excited for change. (DRINK) And like I said, I’m in it to show people of my age that they DO matter. That men and women alike fought for my right to vote, and it’s my duty to myself and the country I live in to get my arse out of bed and vote. Regardless of my political view, my bleeding-feminist heart says, “Women fought for women’s rights so that you can vote” so get out there!

Thanks QB!

And now, a pop quiz to see just how much you were paying attention, Doogs. Correctly tell me how many pics Waldo appears in and you get a gold star.


Filed under Party Piece

The big day. She’s a comin’.

Just two more days until the big Sex and the City movie premiere! Squeee! (My new favorite expression.)

Unfortunately, I’m not as lucky or famous as Amy in Ohio who gets to see a sneak peek tonight. She even made her local paper for being a “Sex” Addict. Color me green with envy.

And then there’s McMommy, who has her own virtual ensemble for the event, hand selected by her own virtual stylist, The Preppy Princess.

I can’t do much about the advance tix. But I CAN give you a shot at a virtual SATC makeover, complete with new outfit and body to match. Allow moi to be your stylist for the day.

If you haven’t left a comment on the poll (See that thing up in the right hand corner?) git your butts over there and tell me which one of the gals you’re most like.

So far, there are a lot of Charlotte’s in Bloggywood. Here are the numbers to date:

32% of you are Charlotte
25% of you are Miranda
21% of you are Carrie
8% of you are Samantha
2% of you are Mr. Big
2% of you are Smith
If you’re single, male and straight, call me.

And, drumrole please …

11% of you have NO idea who these people are. You have been living under a rock.

That’s okay. Rocks are good places sometimes. Quiet.

What are the rest of you waitin’ for??!? Leave a comment on the poll!! Four of you will have your lovely faces superimposed on those —> bodies. If that isn’t reason enough, I don’t know what it.



Filed under Piece of Pop Culture

The post I won’t remember writing in the morning.

12:45 a.m.

“Me? I’m a legend. They call me the Cautionary Whale.”


Running on two hours of sleep, but the DVD’s due back tomorrow so it was a must see tonight. I’m joining the general public on this one — two thumbs waaay up. Who knew unplanned teenage pregnancy could be so heartwarming? Now I feel all warm and fuzzy and ready for bed.

Not unlike the feeling I had ALL DAY.

For whatever reason, I was unable to fall asleep last night until 5 a.m. After hours of lying in the dark, fighting the good fight, I gave up, turned on the light, and read this fabulous NY Times article my hyper-cool city friend Steph emailed the other day. If you’re a blogger, you’ll enjoy it. I’m actually only halfway through — it’s LONG — but I’m confident it’s good to the last drop. I skipped ahead. Go on, read it. Eees good.

Aaand, right here there was a little spontaneous remark about a senator I was nominating for THIS BLOG. An hour later, I realized it might have appeared as more of a personal attack rather than truth in humor. So, I’ve taken it out, along with his photo.


Which totally screws up this transition, but here you go …

Speaking of lesbians, did someone Twitter today that Lindsay Lohan was GAY? Everything kind of ran together.

(Like this post.)

Hookeey, say good-night Mommypie.


Filed under Piece of Pop Culture

Nog Duts. The post in which I lose a few readers.

I’m feeling a bit of the parent-of-an-only-child guilt. MP’s lonely. And the number of times she’s expressed wanting a companion is heartbreaking.

So, I’m thinking about getting her a dog. Been thinking about it for awhile, actually.

It’s not that easy, though. Because of her asthma and allergies, our selection is pretty limited. My personal criteria narrows the choices even more. Put it all together, it spells:

No barkers.

No biters.

No yippers.

No lickers.

No shedders.

No jumpers.

And no males. Because if I had to narrow my requirements down to two things …


I do not want them in the house.
I do not want them on the couch.

I will not have them on my bed.
I will not have them near my head.

I will not eat them in a box.
I will not eat them with a fox.
Wait. That’s not right.

I do not want to look at dog nuts.
(Nor do I want to look at dog BUTTS.
Which is why I’d NEVER have a Pug.

In a nutsack nutshell, I don’t want those things swingin’ around the Pie House. And if I’m being honest, which clearly I AM, it’s really the whole junkage that’s an issue. The whole <insert one jazz hand> area. It’s straight up p*rnographic. (See how I did that? Try to find me NOW, Google Pervs.)

Especially on the larger breeds. Great Dane? Super!! While we’re at it, let’s get a baboon with a big ‘ole ‘roid butt and call it a day. I always did want a monkey.

At least they wear diapers.


It’s hopeless.

More and more, I’m seriously thinking …



Filed under Bits and Pieces

When ’80s dance music and 2008 technology collide.

Every waking moment since posting ‘The Politics of Twitter’ yesterday, THIS has been in my head.

Between that and a continuous mind loop of Obama doing the Running Man, I may need to be committed.

The politics of Twi-tter
The politics of oooo, feelin’ good
The politics of moo-vin’
Is this message understood?


Filed under Piece of My Mind

The Politics of Twitter

Yesterday I found out Obama Twitters. So, just for fun, I signed up to follow him. He has 33,109 followers, and he follows 34,002. His campaign’s a finely tuned marketing machine. They don’t miss a beat.

So, I checked out Hillary’s site to see if she Twitters. She does. She has 4,019 followers, and follows … NO ONE. Can you say bad marketing move? MAJOR faux pas in my humble opinion. Unless, of course, the goal is to convey total disinterest in her constituents.

Take notes from O, Hill. Nothing says “I care” more than THIS in your inbox.

I feel so important.

I checked out McCain. No Twitter. The man is Twitter-less. Probably not a great move either. Even if he can’t keep up with technology, the least he could do is keep up appearances.

So, because I’m all about equal opportunity, I was going to add all three to my list, just to see what they were talking about. I wound up only adding Barack, purely because his Tweets were slightly more interesting than Hillary’s. Slightly.

They could all do sooo much better. How about sexin’ it up a bit? Let me peek into your life a little deeper. Chances are, it wouldn’t sway my vote either way (which, btw is completely up in the air, and even if it weren’t, I probably wouldn’t tell you. Nothing personal. It’s just that I’m a lover, not a fighter.), but at least it would be interesting.

And who do they think they’re kidding? Does anyone really believe the candidates are truly the ones posting the actual Tweets? At a minimum, they should get aides with a sense of humor.

Or something.

Hey, I’ll be your Twitterho, politicos. Hire Mommypie!

See what I think about when MP naps?

Mkay. Done with the political stuff. Until I post co-work QB’s most excellent pics and commentary from the Obama rally last week …


Filed under Party Piece

Boosting my IQ while MP naps.

Watching CNN during MP’s SORELY NEEDED nap, I learned a few things, just from the news ticker.

THIS nipple cream is bad for nursing babies. REALLY bad.

Speaking of babies …

Communists are big fat ones. Members of Russia’s Communist Party are calling for a nationwide boycott of the new Indiana Jones movie, saying it “aims to undermine communist ideology and distort history.” They even went so far as to warn it could provoke another cold war.

It’s a MOVIE, people. A MO. VIE.

Speaking of ridiculousness …

The whole gas thing. It stinks. The nationwide average for a gallon of regular unleaded gasoline rose to $3.875 today. Retail gas prices are up nearly 10% from a JUST A MONTH AGO and have climbed more than 20% in the last 12 months.

There’s gotta be a better way.

AND, McMommy Twittered, Tweeted, Twatted (that was for you Foolery) that Obama Tweets. Just trying to imagine what THAT would look like.

“Hillary can suck it. I am SO winning this thing.”

“Practicing my dance moves for Inaugural Ball. I loves me some Running Man.” (Oh, pleeese click on that link. It made my night.)

“Sh*t. The dog pooped in the Change Tour Bus. AGAIN.”

Yeah. Think I’ll check it out …

Speaking of commies (waaay back there) …

MP’s response when I woke her up?


Aye aye, Cap’n.


Filed under News Piece

You like me! You really like me!

Mommypie would like to thank the Academy Foolery for presenting her with her very first award — and a BLOGGYWOOD Award, to boot!

Term coined by blogstar Foolery to describe the blogging community.

Mommypie predicts it will sweep the nation, hand-in-hand with DOOGS, leaving poor, tired BLOGOSPHERE in the dust. She will be using it extensively.

If you haven’t yet had the pleasure of reading Foolery, get thee proverbial keister over there. She’s hilarious, she’s smart, and she’s an amazing storyteller.

Oh, and I’m going to marry her brother, Mantel Man.

Thank you Ms. Lagmore LaGrone — I’m honored and will display your fancy schmancy award proudly. MWAH!


Filed under Thrilled to Pieces