Balls, Wankers and Bloody Gits

I’ve decided I want to be British. Not all the way, just enough to use their awesomely awesome slang and swear words. (You know, Britney-British. All the fun of a sophisticated accent without the whole citizenship thing.)

So far, BALLS is serving me pretty well, but I need something that packs a little more punch.

First off, British slang is adorable. Just listen to Auds at Barking Mad‘s comment about Waldo yesterday: “Where’s Waldo stuff makes my eyes cross. I can never find the bloody git!”

Are you KIDDING me? How fantastic is that? I don’t know what a Git is, but I LIKE it.

And when Bloody Git isn’t enough, there’s something about the Brits’ heartier euphemisms that make them somehow less offensive than ours. Even humorous.

Seriously, how funny is WANKER? Or telling someone to SOD OFF? Even PISS OFF has a certain charm.

I know there are more … help me out my British friends. (I know there are a few of you out there. Occasionally.)

Oh, I’ll probably pass on the accent. Because I’m not a crazy person. Unfortunately, BLOODY HELL just doesn’t sound right without it. But WANKER … I may just be able to pull that one off.

If not, I’ll just stick to BALLS.

Original image borrowed from these guys.


Filed under Bits and Pieces

18 responses to “Balls, Wankers and Bloody Gits

  1. Newcastle is my favorite British word.

    After that, bollocks and wanker

  2. MommyTime

    I adore the graphic, which you might consider making into your new avatar. 🙂 I lived for two years in England, so although I’m not British, I can add to your slang dictionary:

    *shag* (hint: it’s not carpet, but it’s something you can do ON carpet — if you have a partner, and you’re both naked and feeling *randy*)

    *safe as houses* (a sure thing, or a really good thing, or a thing that’s solid)

    There’s tons of great Cockney rhyming slang, but it’s so complex that you really can’t use it unless you’re talking to someone who knows what you’re talking about — because the whole point is that you offer a word/phrase that rhymes with the one you want to indicate, but that has nothing to do with it literally. And if you told your friends you were cleaning the *apple and pears* they’d think you were fixing lunch, not vacuuming.

    In fact, I think lots of British slang is also regional, so the ones I’ve just given you may in fact reveal that I once had a boyfriend from Bristol. Only I’m not sure, as I’m no Henry Higgins.

    But I look forward to whatever some really knowledegable people add here.

    And you’ve been tagged over at my place.

  3. I think if you hang around Brittney Spears longs enough, you can pick up some very authentic British lingo. Seriously.

  4. I’m so with ya! As much as I love balls, “bloody git” is awesome. And so is sod off. I think they really fit in with this rural Midwest thing I got going on too.

  5. I love calling people “cheeky.” Super fun.

  6. Well, after all these years of saying “fanny” instead of “ass” and thinking what a total nerd I am about it, I find out that the Aussies (and maybe the Brits, too?) have a VERY different meaning for “fanny,” although it’s still covered by the same piece of undies. So they either think I’ve very bold or a total perv.

    Oh, bollocks, I’ve gone on and on again.

  7. BAHAHA – That’s totally something I’d do.

  8. Okay, so far we have some gooders:

    PJ Momma – Newcastle, I’m with ya. Or a black & tan, but that might be more Irish? And how could I forget BOLLOCKS!

    And MommyTime – SHAG, duh! Can’t believe I forgot that one too. Cleaning apples and pears is vacuuming? Wha??

    THAT Fam – I looked for a pic of Britney to Photoshop, but was tired and gave up …

    OK – Sod off IS kinda rural, isn’t it? Has an “earthy” feel to it …

    QB – You said Cheeky. Heh heh.

    And Foolery – Again, BAHAHA.

  9. So I’m pretty sure I’m going to use bloody git about twelve times tomorrow.
    LOVE it.

  10. This is Auds’ other ‘arf.

    Have you ever considered the delightful lilt of the word “nob”? No? How about the phrase “you’re a right plonker!” (note: that’s right plonker, not left plonker).

    Then, progressing upscale, we have the “dickhead”, the “tosser” and last, but not least, the “complete fuckwit”.

    If I can think of any more, I’ll let you know.


  11. I LOVE THOSE!!

    Have to say, complete fuckwit is BRILLIANT. (Hey, that kinda sounded British, no? I’m gettin’ the hang of it … ) Thanks G!

  12. I know my hubby (the Brit) will leave a comment as he was just chuffed to bits (see there’s another one! you never know where they will crop up) to see your post…and being that it made me smile, he was even keener to come out and say hello.

    The thing about British slang is that A LOT of it only sounds good coming out of a Brit’s mouth. For instance, although I use it more than I should (and I know, I SHOULDN’T) I say f*ckwit when I’m really upset with other drivers…and it just sounds funny coming out of my very Yankee mouth, whereas with the hubby (who ONLY says it when steam is coming out his ears, seriously), it sounds completely normal.

    Knackered – when you are really tired/exhausted.

    Slag – some might call Britney this one. Paris Hilton also qualifies as does LiLo (Lohan).

    Blimey – another one that should really only be said by a Brit or one who can do a passable job at sounding like one.

    Arse – obvious enough

    Salad dodger – an overweight person (probably not politically correct, but it’s still funny, especially considering I fit the term)

    Scrummy – delicious!

    Slapper – a ho bag – see slag above.

    Pissed – drunk (the first time I went to the UK and was mildy intoxicated someone asked me if I was pissed and I said – “hardly!” thinking they meant, was I angry.

    Have a bat in the cave – something I say to the little imp when she has boogers after a cold – “come here Impish one, let me get the bats outta your cave!”

    There are tons more but not that I can think of off the top of my head.

    Great post. Thanks for the smiles….I really needed it!


  13. See what I mean? The Brits have all the great sayings! I’m totally with you on the sounding weird without an accent though … I’m sitting here, practicing out loud (gah) and truthfully they all sound stupid coming out of MY mouth. I think knackered might be passable …

    Thanks so much for the education – that lingo may just deserve a post all it’s own!

    I LOVE you guys — I think you win cutest bloggie couple award.

  14. I should have called my girlfriend Janie who was raised in England for some words to throw on your blog, but I didn’t want to get stuck talking to her for an hour.

  15. mamma jamma

    i am english and i can tell you our favourite word
    is ‘bell end’ i’ll leave you to work out what it
    meansnd helmet musnt forget that

  16. barbou

    How exactly would”sod you gits” translate into Canadian?

  17. jack Sprat

    “Apple and pears” is the stairs its, rhyme not code, tit fer tat is hat. So I’m going up the “apple and pears” for a “tom tit” you guess it. In case you are not into this the bathroom is upstairs.

  18. jack Sprat

    I grew up in England and London, my mum was a true cockney and I went to college within the sound of Bow Bells (the true definition of a cockney) All good fun with the blogs, but words I used totally naturally until I came here and tried to naturalize. One of my first mistakes was asking my secretary for a “rubber” (English for eraser) long time ago pre computer age.

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