I’m handing out lint brushes for Christmas this year.

The past week has been so full of gut-busting stories — most of the really good ones told by people other than me. Before I forget, I must relay a short story about my friend Cannonball. (The origin of her name will be revealed in a later post. Which may or may not include video footage.)

So, Cannonball was sitting next to a co-worker at a seminar, when she noticed a piece of lint on Co-worker’s pants. As Co-worker’s attention was focused on the speaker, Cannonball reached over, and nonchalantly plucked the fuzz from her leg. Something we’ve all done.

But this fuzz was springy.

And as she pulled on it, it made a stretchy, gooey bridge between finger and pantleg.

BOI-OI-OIIING

See it in slow-mo.

Think rubber cement.

Only not.

Holy snot.

It was a booger.

Turns out co-worker had sneezed and surreptitiously wiped her hand on her pant leg. And was now horrified. As was Cannonball, who, by sheer will alone, successfully managed to suppress the the surge of vomit welling in her throat. Had that been ME, the story would’ve ended waaaay differently.

And THAT, gentle reader, is why I’ll never groom another human outside my gene pool. AGAIN.

The End.

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25 Comments

Filed under Bits and Pieces

25 responses to “I’m handing out lint brushes for Christmas this year.

  1. Eeeeeew.

    This is why I have three boys: Just so god or whoever can fuck with me. Urine (gag), boogers (blech) and farts (wretch). It’s allllll mine.

  2. Not only does this make me gag just a bit, but I’m going to always make sure I wipe my hands where no one can see. *lol*

  3. I don’t usually play with the fuzz. (That’s what she said.)

    This proves, once and for all, that you can never never never never NEVER go wrong with a post about boogers.

  4. Nice. I threw up a little in my throat just reading that.

  5. Lex the mom

    ACK! That’s really, really .. YUCK! Really…

    Lint rollers – a good idea for Christmas, for sure.

  6. OH that’s gross! Just the other day at the beach,my husband says “Your bathing suit has a tear…right there, the lining is coming out.”

    It was a booger that my lovely son had wiped on my bathing suit. GROSS. 🙂

  7. I just wish you could see my face right now. I have a horrified expression. That image is making me ill. I barely groom myself let alone a grown azz woman/man whoever.

  8. Gag reflex in full force here. Ewwww.

  9. ewww.. I think I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.
    I know she was mad she touched it. (That’s what she said)

  10. Thanks for that. Thank you very much. I have to go now.

  11. Yours was the last blog I was going to read before bed. Now I HAVE to read another just to get the image out of head. Gee…thanks?

  12. Oh how I love a good rubbery booger story.

    It’s right up there with the farts.

    Thanks for the mental picture. I will sleep well tonight.

  13. I’m so glad someone else gets as much twisted pleasure from gross booger and fart stories as I do.

  14. You are very good for my diet mommypie. I was reading this while eating my breaky.

  15. Total payback for the “pinch a squishy” comment while I was eating a Whopper with cheese.

  16. You know, if I’d been the person with the booger on my leg, I would have been laughing so hard I prolly would have shot another snot booger out.

  17. That is just disgusting. I think I need to trhow up now. And then buy stock in lint rollers.

  18. Oh. My. Word.

    I’m contantly resisting the urge to pick things off of people. Like the woman who alwasy sits on in the pew in front of me and has lots of loose hair on the back of her shirt.

    I don’t think I’m going to have to worry about that urge anymore.

  19. Erin

    I bet she learned her lesson- she’ll probably never pick anything off of anyone ever again. Nasty.

  20. Feeling sick. Thanks so much.

  21. Thanks for the yummy dessert…just finished lunch. Came here for the Dough Dick and finished with rubber booger….do they go together in any way? Think really hard.

  22. Ha ha ha ha ha — not at all grossed out but having a good laugh. Of course you do realize I would have interrupted that conference to go wash my hands, REEEEEEALLY well, for a day and a half.

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