I have created a monster.

About a month ago, my brother calls me at work to ask how to use Facebook. A few hours later, he calls to say he was getting a flood of Friend Requests. The next day he calls to ask why all these people he didn’t know wanted to be his friend. Twenty-four hours after signing up, he was annoyed and swore he was going to stop accepting random friends.

Forty-eight hours later I received a text. He’d put Facebook on his cell phone. And couldn’t stop Facebooking.

So Monday, I get a text that he needs me to join his Mafia Wars family on FB — which is some kind of annoying FB game he’s already emailed and Facebooked me about — that I totally do NOT get and do NOT want to play.

I text him this:
U have a serious FB problem. Seek help.

He texts back:

I text:
Dude. More FB lingo.

He texts:

Lolol. ROFL. LMAO.

Try this one on for size. DILLIGAF.

I give up.

The phone rings. I answer.


Me: I got nothin’.

Him: Does It Look Like I Give A Fuck!! Bwahaha!

Next day, I’m seated at a board room table with four business associates. My cell rings once. My cell rings twice. I get a text. It’s my brother: Call me.

I, of course, think something must be up. Something serious. I excuse myself, walk to the lobby, and call him back.

Him: Um, I need your help. It’s kind of important.

Me: What?? What is it??

Him: I need you to join my mafia.


Me: Dude. You got me out of a meeting for THAT?!?

Him: Bwahahaha!!

Me: Nice.

Him: C’mon, all you have to do is sign up. I emailed like 30 people — I just need one more!

Me: O. M. G.

Him: (laughing) You just need to come up with a name for yourself.

Me: DILLIGAF. My name is DILLIGAF. I’m having a t-shirt made.

Which, speaking of … remember the Bamboo t-shirt conversation last week? QB actually DID have some t-shirts made. (That’s her below.)




Filed under Piecing it Together

15 responses to “I have created a monster.

  1. Hahah thats so funny. All these social networking sites sure can get addicting. I got “The Memorist” in the mail yesterday, thank you so much again!

  2. Andi

    I was addicted to Facebook for like, 5 minutes. And then when I had found everybody I ever wanted to find (and a dozen I didn’t really care if I found or not), then it became old. My sister is like your brother, though… TOTALLY into it and trying to drag me into it by throwing snowballs at me, passing me drinks, challenging me to trivia questions… YAWN.

    And where can we get the rad shirts??

  3. Cat

    You broke your brother.

  4. OMG. OMG. SLMAO. DILLIGAF?? That’s the funniest thing I’ve heard in a long time. TOTALLY using it whenever possible.
    P.S. I look like a total goon.

  5. I totally want to join the mafia!

  6. another co-worker

    I have to agree with QB, she looks like a total tard in that picture. I do like my new bamboo t-shirt however.

  7. I just recently heard about these games that you can play on FB. I don’t have an account yet, but there’s so much lingo out there that I don’t get (what the heck is a wall?) that I think I’ll join just so I can keep up my cool factor.

  8. Sadly, I was addicted to the FB “Farm” for about 2 weeks. I was obsessed with getting enough credits (by planting and harvesting cyber-crops) to buy a barn. Then I realized it was more of a pathetic time suck than watching The Bad Girls Club.

  9. I’m afraid of all of it: facebook, twitter, you name it. I’m sure it will suck me in and bleed me dry. I know me. I stay away. Godspeed to your brother. Godspeed.

  10. Oh, it is a dangerous territory. My husband and a few friends dragged me into Facebook. I haven’t showered in days, my children are running in the streets and I’m seriously considering pulling the plug. Tread lightly …

  11. Erin – Yay! Hope you like it — I thought it was really good.

    Andi – UGH. The snowballs and the drinks. I feel ya. And QB will love to know you dig the t-shirt!

    Cat – I totally broke him.

    QB – Isn’t it awesome?!? And you know I picked the gooniest pic of the bunch. It just makes me smile.

    threeboys1mommy – I’ll give my bro your email. HA!

    ACW – Those shirts are seriously the softest things EVER. Bamboo rules.

    LOL – Dude, don’t get sucked in. Trust me.

    PearlWisdom – You need to pass your wisdom on Laural above … 🙂

    myra – Smart lady. Seriously.

    momzombie – THAT’s how my brother is! It’s like a drug, I tell ya. Good luck with the showering thing and renegade kids.

  12. DILLIGAF is my favorite netspeak EVAR! because i seldom look like i give one.

    lol @ your bro being addicted to facebook. i think everyone is at first and then it wears off. hopefully, it wears off soon. for your sake. heh.

  13. I, too, love DILLIGAF and will commence using it tomorrow. At the office. With my staff.

    My nickname for Facebook is Wastebook because it’s a big fat waste of time. But somehow when I say this to people, they don’t find it very funny…

  14. I did the MySpace thing a few years ago. Had an awesome network of friends and strangers to play with, and we had THE best time. Avoided Facebook like the plague because of time issues, and really? I have my own playpen (my blog), and the people I really have fun with play with me there. And when I have time I go to their playpens.

    Got tricked into joining Facebook, and hated it. I don’t do drinks, or gifts, or Magic Trunks, or any of it. I have three snowball invitations I am saving for a hot hot day in August.

    But it has gotten better since I’ve hooked up with a few of my blogging friends there. Blog people really know how to comment and are generally MUCH more fun than real people.

    : )

    Sorry to waste so much bandwidth three weeks late.

  15. Pingback: Crow with a side of fries, please. « Mommy Pie

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