Saving the world one worm at a time.

I finally unpacked my suitcase from the Hawaii trip. It’s been sitting in my living room since I walked through the door August 6. Contrary to popular opinion, I DO have a good explanation.

THIS.

THIS is what we found one morning in Hawaii, curled up dead (THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU) on the dining room tile. I did not perform my bloggerly duty very well, however, failing to get an actual photo, but I Googled the muther, and this farked-up prehistoric-looking creature IS IT. According to the almighty Internet, some of these things are highly poisonous, even deadly.

Excellent.

So, although I washed everything in my suitcase just BEFORE coming home, I haven’t been able to to unpack. I can’t shake the fear that some deadly rain forest centipede stowed away in my luggage and burrowed into the lining of my sweatpants. Or shorts. Or PJs.

To compound the situation, a few days after coming home, I found a weird black and white striped worm on the couch. My first instinct was to scoop it up in a tissue, open the door and throw it outside. And then it dawned on me that I’d never seen anything like it. It looked like something that belonged in a warmer climate.

A STOWAWAY.

And THEN I imagined throwing it in the garden, inadvertently introducing a rogue species into the region, resulting in me being solely responsible for totally farking up the ecosystem. So I flushed it down the toilet and patted myself on the back for singlehandedly saving the future of mankind. [Thank yew, thankyewverymuch.]

Two days later, I found another. Worm spawn. More than likely hatched from eggs laid in my suitcase. Or the lining of my sweats.

THIS is why I haven’t unpacked until now. THIS is my good explanation. I thought maybe without food, whatever was hatching in my clothes would starve to death. Which, although completely sound logic in my opinion, doesn’t really matter because in the end I wound up washing everything again anyway.

And hanging it on my “clothes line” outside.

Where some native insect undoubtedly burrowed into my pockets and laid eggs.

17 Comments

Filed under Disturbing Piece

17 responses to “Saving the world one worm at a time.

  1. Ahhahhahahahahha.. That is so cute. I’m glad it didn’t happen to ME! Eewww

  2. Ewww. I don’t like those hatching thingies. Nice clothesline, though. Fancy.

  3. Oh, I have the heebie jeebies reading this. This is why I hate nature (unless enjoyed from the comfort of a front porch with ceiling fans and a margarita in hand).

  4. I have the exact same th0ughts about stuff like this.

    I also shake my pillow before laying down on it and rattle my shoes before putting them on (to dislodge spiders).

    Now if I had seen that worm, I would have microwaved my suitcase contents to destroy any and all worm spawn/eggs. You are brave my friend.

  5. This should come as no shock. I do the SAME thing.

  6. And now the worm that you flushed down the toilet is in the sewer, growing to gigantic proportions, giving birth to legions of giant tropical worm spawn who will become sewer worms of myth.

  7. DUDE. I WILL NEVER SIT ON THE TOILET AGAIN.

  8. You killed baby butterflies, you do realize that, right?

    Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha okay I’m done no wait one more HA

    When I lived in Hawaii we used the 3-inch cockroaches as butlers. “Since you’re already up, and I KNOW you’re going to the kitchen, would you grab me a Diet Pepsi? Thanks little dude.”

    Okay, so no. But this is ABSOLUTELY true: I was standing in the hallway (of our Maui house) talking to my roommate and she pushed her door open a bit. Something caught my eye and I looked at the top of the door frame, visible now that the door was swung open. There was a completely flat and dessicated 5″ gecko body, permanently glued to the upper door frame, where no one ever thought to look. Yes, someone had long ago slammed a gecko in the door, apparently. This house was SPOTLESS, mind you, but open air is open air, even with screens, so we had critters.

    I didn’t get a photo of the ex-gecko and I regret it now.

    I could tell you more hideous bug stories from the tropics, but I don’t wanna freak you out. : )

  9. Noooooooo!!! Please tell me I did NOT kill baby butterflies. I just totally lost two karma points.

    I am now going to WalMart, to give money to two of the homeless guys that hang out on the corner. Which, hopefully restores the balance.

    The gecko — eeccchh. Although, I do love little lizards, I prefer them to be OUTDOOR pets.

    That’s the only thing I wouldn’t do well with in a warmer climate. Big, giant, crawlie BUGS. It’s too freakin’ cold out here for ‘em. And that, as Martha would say, is a GOOD thing.

  10. Alls I can muster is eeewwwwwwwwwwww!

  11. I’d trade the creepy crawlies for No-See-Ums. Take THAT Hawaii.

  12. Ahh the pitfalls of foreign travel.

  13. dude, LO, freaking L.

    during my two trips to hawaii (i was, like 4 and 7yrs old), all i remember is seeing geckos on the ceiling when i went to bed at night and hoping they wouldn’t fall on my pillow. not that i cared necessarily because i’m a big fan of the reptiles/amphibians, but i HATE hate hate HATE HATE worms, or anything that resembles a bug or XXX-pede (centi, mili, f-ingdisgusting)…

    and? lmfao that you haven’t unpacked until now. sometimes it takes me weeks to unpack too. for no reason other than i am lazy.

  14. Ewww!

    I just did a bug-related post, today.

    I hope I don’t have nightmares.

  15. I nearly screamed when I opened my reader and saw that!

    I would have sealed my suitcase in plastic for at least 2 weeks. Then boiled everything inside. Then thrown the whole thing away. At a dump two towns down the road.

    GAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!

  16. I have to admit, I can’t even read your blog today, that bug is there.

    #1

  17. Well hell, the hubby is going to be really disapointed when I tell him that Hawaii is off the list of our next potential vacation spots!

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