Tag Archives: swear words

More Wankers. Now With Nobs.

I don’t know what’s come over me. I’m thinking it was watching The Holiday for the bazillionth time the other night. And that smooth and easy-on-the-eyes Jude Law.

Or maybe it was MommyTime at Mommy’s Martini’s post yesterday about Jane Eyre. All that romancin’ on the misty moors and such.

And believe it or not, as I type this, I’m actually sitting here eating an English muffin. An English muffin, people. Well, my second English muffin. For dinner. All I need is some wine and a ciggie and voila! Bridget Jones.

Guessed it yet?

Yeah, Baby. I’m keepin’ the Wanker post goin’.

All your fantastic comments on Wanker One yesterday (not to mention additions to my urban dictionary) compel me to continue.

Auds at Barking Mad and her British hubs take the Comment Collaboration Cake though. And possibly win the Cutest Blogga Couple Award. And rather than risk you NOT scrolling down and reading their hilarious and highly informative comments, I think they merit a post all their very own.

In response to my call for British slang and profanities, here’s what Mr. Auds had to say:

This is Auds’ other ‘arf.

Have you ever considered the delightful lilt of the word “nob”? No? How about the phrase “you’re a right plonker!” (note: that’s right plonker, not left plonker).

Then, progressing upscale, we have the “dickhead”, the “tosser” and last, but not least, the “complete fuckwit”.

If I can think of any more, I’ll let you know.


Auds followed up with this:

I know my hubby (the Brit) will leave a comment as he was just chuffed to bits (see there’s another one! you never know where they will crop up) to see your post…and being that it made me smile, he was even keener to come out and say hello.

The thing about British slang is that A LOT of it only sounds good coming out of a Brit’s mouth. For instance, although I use it more than I should (and I know, I SHOULDN’T) I say f*ckwit when I’m really upset with other drivers…and it just sounds funny coming out of my very Yankee mouth, whereas with the hubby (who ONLY says it when steam is coming out his ears, seriously), it sounds completely normal.

Knackered – when you are really tired/exhausted.

Slag – some might call Britney this one. Paris Hilton also qualifies as does LiLo (Lohan).

Blimey – another one that should really only be said by a Brit or one who can do a passable job at sounding like one.

Arse – obvious enough

Salad dodger – an overweight person (probably not politically correct, but it’s still funny, especially considering I fit the term)

Scrummy – delicious!

Slapper – a ho bag – see slag above.

Pissed – drunk (the first time I went to the UK and was mildly intoxicated someone asked me if I was pissed and I said – “hardly!” thinking they meant, was I angry.

Have a bat in the cave – something I say to the little imp when she has boogers after a cold – “come here Impish one, let me get the bats outta your cave!”

There are tons more but not that I can think of off the top of my head.

Great post. Thanks for the smiles….I really needed it!


Love it.

And the topper? Check this awesomeness out. Even MORE wankage. If you feel ambitious … or just aimless … take a looksie and share your translation.

Oh, I’m having fun.

Image borrowed from this guy.


Filed under Uncategorized

Balls, Wankers and Bloody Gits

I’ve decided I want to be British. Not all the way, just enough to use their awesomely awesome slang and swear words. (You know, Britney-British. All the fun of a sophisticated accent without the whole citizenship thing.)

So far, BALLS is serving me pretty well, but I need something that packs a little more punch.

First off, British slang is adorable. Just listen to Auds at Barking Mad‘s comment about Waldo yesterday: “Where’s Waldo stuff makes my eyes cross. I can never find the bloody git!”

Are you KIDDING me? How fantastic is that? I don’t know what a Git is, but I LIKE it.

And when Bloody Git isn’t enough, there’s something about the Brits’ heartier euphemisms that make them somehow less offensive than ours. Even humorous.

Seriously, how funny is WANKER? Or telling someone to SOD OFF? Even PISS OFF has a certain charm.

I know there are more … help me out my British friends. (I know there are a few of you out there. Occasionally.)

Oh, I’ll probably pass on the accent. Because I’m not a crazy person. Unfortunately, BLOODY HELL just doesn’t sound right without it. But WANKER … I may just be able to pull that one off.

If not, I’ll just stick to BALLS.

Original image borrowed from these guys.


Filed under Bits and Pieces

Wash My Mouth Out With Soap

Jane Fonda dropped the C-bomb on the Today Show Thursday, and people are freaking OUT.

People, it’s a WORD. Albeit, by societal standards, a pretty bad one, but just the same … a WORD.

As a lover of words, the notion that ANY word could be bad, strikes me as fundamentally wrong. A word, bad? Really? Who says? When you boil it down, what are words really? Sounds. When you think about it that way, doesn’t it all seems rather … absurd?

Right about now you’re thinking I must be a big fat filthy toilet mouth, but if you’ve read the archives at all, you know I’m not much of a swearer. (This will actually be an F-bomb first in this blog.) Because I embrace the English lexicon does not mean I choose to use every word in it. (I don’t find much occasion to use lachrymose or sabulous either…)

I do admit however, sometimes a good FUCK just feels good …

Ba da bump.

Bear with me – here comes the complete and total hypocracy.


Bad Word: Butt
Good Words: Tush, Tushy

Bad Word: Fart
Good Word: Toot

Bad Word: Hate
Good Words: Don’t like

Bad Words: Shut up
Good Words: Be quiet

Word only to be said when praying or making a reference: God
All other times, substitute with: Gosh, Goodness

So, you see my dilemma. I’m philosophically at odds.

It’s ingrained. In me. In everyone. In every culture. Certain words are always going to have a (sometimes illogical) stigma attached. I don’t know how many times as a kid I had my mouth washed out with soap — LAVA, even! — for sassing. The consequences of uttering an actual swear word were … *shiver* too frightening to imagine.

From the New York Times
(I’m off on a tangent, but this is a really interesting article):
“Researchers have also examined how words attain the status of forbidden speech and how the evolution of coarse language affects the smoother sheets of civil discourse stacked above it. They have found that what counts as taboo language in a given culture is often a mirror into that culture’s fears and fixations.”

(Hmmm … Keeping this in mind, as I think about it, most of our culture’s “bad” words relate to sex or bodily functions. Discuss.)

I don’t much care if other people swear. (It’s only annoying when it’s every other word — comparable to the irritation I feel when someone says “like” or “ah” or “you know” every other sentence.) But like most parents, I don’t want my child around it. Let alone repeating it. (There’s that damn hypocracy again …)

Like the time about seven months ago MP, standing with an impish smile in the middle of Grammy’s kitchen … let it fly.

“Fuck. Fuck, Fuck, Fuck.”

The sucking sound as all air left the room was deafening. I was horrified. (Turns out she heard it at preschool … honestly!)

Hypocrite, I know. I know!

It’s a conundrum.


Filed under Piece of S*%#