Tag Archives: single parenting

Facebook Shmacebook

About six months ago, I built myself a little Facebook page. I’m not exactly sure I remember why.

Wait. Yes I do. I was stalking someone. Well, not really. But kinda. Nothing creepy or bad … let’s just say it was a distant relative.

I digress.

The whole thing was against my better judgment. And now I know why.

It’s irritating.

I have totally random people coming out of the woodwork wanting to be my friend. (And in turn, gaining access to my page.) Names I don’t recognize. Friends of friends of friends. People I never really knew in ‘real’ life. Usually, they’re people who attended the same high school. Occasionally, they are people with whom I share some kind of work connection.

For instance, last week I received the following Friend Request.

I know you through [work]. I am Pooperdude.

Actually, Pooperdude, I’m not sure we’ve ever really met. I do know you’re quite the entrepreneur, with that dog poop removal service of yours. But, no, I don’t think I actually know you.

And then, once I’ve accepted someone as my friend — which I inevitably always do, because I’d feel like a ginormous, bitchy a-hole if I declined (unless they’re a total stranger, which, to me is just … weird.) — the real maintenance begins.

Here is a list of things people currently want from me.

Jealous much?

Seriously. Who has time for this? Am I the only one who doesn’t get it?

I shouldn’t complain. It’s good to be loved. Plus, it’s a little ‘pot calling the kettle black’-ish, what with this blogging addiction of mine. I suppose instead of spending my nights writing posts, I could be sending my Facebook “friends” virtual hams or something.

Maybe I’m just anti-social. I don’t think so. Maybe I’m just … 40.

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Filed under Piece of Pop Culture, Uncategorized

Didn’t Feel Like Doing The Dishes

So MP and I decided to jet to Hawaii on a whim yesterday. Figured, why should married folks have all the fun with the fabulous Spring Break getaways? Plus, I am so lovin’ my new bod, I thought, why not show it off?

Enjoy the snow Suckas!

aloha.jpg

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Filed under Piece of Paradise

Driving Miss MaggiePie

MP LOVES maps. LOVES. She has a collection from different towns; different states even. She loves to see exactly where we’re going. This cartographic gene clearly comes from her father, who shared the same fascination. I, on the other hand, couldn’t find my hand in front of my face on a clear day.

So, I have to admit, I’m impressed.

Lately, however, I can’t shake the feeling I’m in the car with my dad, who’s famous for his … er … very specific directions. (Which, in case you missed it, is my attempt at subtlety. It just sounds nicer than [holy-hell-zip-it-up-I-know-how-to-drive] Backseat Driver.)

To illustrate my point, here was the view from the driver’s seat today, taken with my camera phone.

rearview1.jpg

Today’s conversation went a little like this:

MP: Now, where is the post office? (Very serious.)

Me: Just up ahead. Better hurry and finish your snack.

rearview2.jpg

MP: I see two taffit lights on da map. (Pointing to the window) There’s one! There’s one!

Me: Yep.

MP: Mommy, you need to turn RIGHT. The map says to go RIGHT.

Me: This is a shortcut.

MP: What’s a shortcut?

Me: It’s the fastest way to get somewhere. It’s quicker.

MP: Hmmm … I don’t see that on da map …

Me: We’re almost there.

MP: Where’s da udder traffit light?

Me: I don’t think there is another traffic light.

MP: It’s on the map.

Me: See, the post office is right there.

(pause)

MP: Why is it called a ‘post’ office?

Me: Uh … Because that’s where people go to post their mail. ‘Post’ means ‘mail.’

MP: Huh?

Me: Means ‘send.’

MP: Can I bring my map into the post office?

Okay, so it’s not as annoying as my dad.

4 Comments

Filed under Piece of Information

The Mommy Switch

mommytag.jpgAs of a few days ago, instead of emulating her mommy with a little ‘Newman’ (my Seinfeld swear word sub, which, coming out of a preschooler is Comedy Central) MP has decided she wants to say ‘Human’ instead.

I cannnot tell you how it lightens my day (I’m thinking about it right now) to visualize her playing cards, flipping over Old Maid, shaking her fist and muttering, “HUUman!”

It’s actually what prompted me to log on and blog in the middle of my workday. So, to ensure I’m still gainfully employed in the morning, I’ll be brief ….

It’s little things like ‘Human’ that just … get me. For instance, there’s just one night a month I schedule to go out (in case you were wondering, I have zero social life) – it’s a regular business thing (now you REALLY feel sorry for me). A cocktaily networking thing. Which is usually a nice diversion, but I’m wearing a nametag, and it’s still work. Tonight’s that night.

Most times I’m able to turn off the Mommy Switch, and relax for a few hours. Drinks, appetizers, adults I like – I should be in Heaven. But inevitably, after an hour or two, I’ll find myself in a sea of people, listening to someone blah-bu-blah-blah-blah … and the switch is tripped. I think about the little things. And I just want to be home.

Do I hear a ‘Human?’

Can I get a little ‘Human’ here?

Vote for my post The Mommy Switch on Mom Blog Network

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Filed under Piece of Pop Culture

Broccoli in the Bath Water

Broccoli in the bath water
Noodles and hamburger too
Take more than an hour to eat your dinner,
And it will go with you.

You say you’re full
I know you’re not
You’ll be up in an hour, it’s true
Begging and pleading and shedding those tears
all for a cracker or two.

So into the tub
Into the tub
Into the tub with you.
You’ll finish your dinner
And stay in your seat
Sure as the sky is blue.

Don’t worry if your veggies get wet
I promise it won’t hurt you
Honestly, it’s not a big deal
Remember your mouth is wet too.

See, it’s a treat to eat in the tub
Multi-tasking is fun!
As long as it works and you get to bed
Before the rise of the sun.

vintagetub.jpg

Vote for my post Broccoli in the Bath Water on Mom Blog Network

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Filed under Literary Piece