Tag Archives: single moms

Nog Duts. The post in which I lose a few readers.

I’m feeling a bit of the parent-of-an-only-child guilt. MP’s lonely. And the number of times she’s expressed wanting a companion is heartbreaking.

So, I’m thinking about getting her a dog. Been thinking about it for awhile, actually.

It’s not that easy, though. Because of her asthma and allergies, our selection is pretty limited. My personal criteria narrows the choices even more. Put it all together, it spells:

No barkers.

No biters.

No yippers.

No lickers.

No shedders.

No jumpers.

And no males. Because if I had to narrow my requirements down to two things …

NO BALLS.

I do not want them in the house.
I do not want them on the couch.

I will not have them on my bed.
I will not have them near my head.

I will not eat them in a box.
I will not eat them with a fox.
Wait. That’s not right.

I do not want to look at dog nuts.
(Nor do I want to look at dog BUTTS.
Which is why I’d NEVER have a Pug.
Ugg.)

In a nutsack nutshell, I don’t want those things swingin’ around the Pie House. And if I’m being honest, which clearly I AM, it’s really the whole junkage that’s an issue. The whole <insert one jazz hand> area. It’s straight up p*rnographic. (See how I did that? Try to find me NOW, Google Pervs.)

Especially on the larger breeds. Great Dane? Super!! While we’re at it, let’s get a baboon with a big ‘ole ‘roid butt and call it a day. I always did want a monkey.

At least they wear diapers.

*sigh*

It’s hopeless.

More and more, I’m seriously thinking …

Rabbit.

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Filed under Bits and Pieces

Psychic Morning at The Pie House

MP was standing by my bedside. She was up early making wallets.

Well, not REAL wallets. Little folded pieces of paper. There she was, going on and on, excitedly telling me all about them, how many she’d made, asking me to help her with the scotch tape, and telling me I could color them with her when I woke up.

And there I was, murmuring into my pillow, “yeah,” “uh-huh,” “great,” “okay,” while simultaneously fading in and out of a dream state. Purely random hazy thoughts about coloring, drawing people, and how to draw different shades of skin tone floated around my head.

I wasn’t speaking.

“You can draw skin if you want, Mommy.”

My eyes flew open. There, at eye level, stood MP, smiling sweetly.

And READING MY MIND.

Which I swear, she does all the time.

But I suppose there’s really nothing odd about it at all. I know couples who do it on a regular basis, literally taking the words right out of the other’s mouth. It happened between MP’s dad and me ALL the time. When you’re that close to another person, it makes sense that the lines can blur. You become me and I become you.

The phenomenon that really fascinates me is the way couples who’ve been together for ages begin to look alike. Personally, I wouldn’t be too keen on the whole masculine morphing thing, but I have to admit, it is sweet.

People even take on the characteristics of their PETS, for Pete’s sake.

Oh Lord, I just flashed on my future.

Now, dressing alike …

… yeah, that’s a different story.

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Filed under Piece of My Mind

Who’s The Boss?

9:15 a.m. Conversation in the Car

MP: My feet are tired.

Me: My eyes are tired. Hey, make sure you take a nap at school today, okay?

MP: Okay. You should take a nap at work.

Me: I wish I could. My boss doesn’t let me take naps at work.

MP: WHAT?!? Well, you have to tell him YOU’RE the boss!

Me: Well, I’m the boss at home, but he’s the boss at work.

MP: You’ll just have to take a nap when we get home.

Me: Sounds good to me.

MP: ‘Cause he doesn’t know where you live.

Me: Nope.

MP: Pretty sneaky Mom.

Me: I try.

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Filed under Pieceful Night's Sleep