Tag Archives: shopping

Put it on your list and maybe Santa will bring it.

MP has joined Amway. And while Sarah Palin may be making political history, MP’s making a little history of her own, becoming the youngest sales rep in the history of the organization.

Today when I picked her up at preschool, I found her seated at a table, going through the latest catalog with her classmates and encouraging them to “Think Globally, Act Locally.” And the kids were LISTENING. Hanging on her every word, even. Which TOTALLY blew me away until closer observation revealed they were, in fact, mostly interested in a boy named Jermaine’s elbow scab. Or more accurately, Jermaine’s Scooby Doo BandAid.

When MP spotted me, she stood up and asked if I had change for a twenty. Dazed and confused, I dug into my pockets, barely mustering a weak,”I don’t think …” before she disappeared into the kitchen and promptly returned wheeling a Radio Flyer wagon full of product.

A few teachers began writing checks. Some kid was telling another kid how much his mom loved Amway detergent.

All the way home, it was “Diamond Level” this, “Diamond Level” that. Apparently I’m having a few potential recruits over this weekend. MP says if they join, eventually it’ll boost her numbers. And then we get to go on a cruise!

*drums fingers on table*

Okay, not really. But she DOES have the trademark “visualize what you want” concept down.

Here’s my door.

Here’s her door.

The elbow scab part though? Totally true.

Except the name. Jermaine.

His real name is Tito.

15 Comments

Filed under Piecing it Together

A diamond is forever. So’s that chocolate stuck to my butt.

Last night was my monthly networking cocktaily thing. Every four weeks it’s hosted by a different area business — this month it was hosted by a jeweler. Whoever thought this one up is nothing short of genius. Offer 20 different wines to 100 women, some with their spouses, get them loaded and provide the perfect setting for impulse shopping.

And, just to ensure your prey is feelin’ good and primed to buy, offer this.

I’ll have an extra shot of endorphins, please?

In addition to Co-worker, my good friend Megan and I spent a LOT of time admiring these beauties, made by a local chocolatier. Come to think of it, we paid more attention to the chocolate than the jewelry. Which is good for my overdrawn bank account. Not so good for my arse.

Someone plays dirty.

23 Comments

Filed under Party Piece

Mama Merit Badges

I’m sorry, this is just too good to be buried in the sidebar. You may have already seen these, but I just came across them a month or so ago, and they crack me up.

Here’s some copy from the Mama Merit Badges site (which I gotta say, I love almost as much as the badges themselves), describing just a few of the different badges available:

Sex
This lusty badge is for the drastic changes in your sexuality since birthing. It covers: first post-partum sex, sex in unusual places and at unusual times, kids walking in on sex, nursing during sex or squirting milk across the room, smiling while kids tell strangers about “mama sugar time” and really just for doing it all. If you have used the upbeat Baby Einstein finale song as your cue to wrap it up, you can iron this badge on your nursing bra or thong to show what a sexy mama you are!

Breastfeeding
This badge is to commemorate the nursing relationship, whether for a week or for years. Have you tandem nursed while pregnant or nursed twins? Breastfeeding is hard work and not as natural as it seems. If you produce milk for another human, you get this badge (and so much more).

Diaper
Everyone has an episode of diapering significance! Have you experienced poop paintings on the wall, poop dripping from the Bjorn in the grocery store, poop in the tub, poop up the back and into your baby’s hair? Have you ever performed gymnastics trying to keep other siblings from getting into poop? Has your baby ever peed into your mouth? Explosive poops, indecent exposure, or cloth diapering; this badge tells your story.

Eating Out
If you have picked up pasta from a filthy floor, created a game with empty creamers, straws and sugar packets, drawn a pretty picture with the two blue crayons that the “too young to have kids” waitress gave you, or got your kids to eat something other than ketchup, you may wear this badge for rising to the occasion.

I LOVE the great business ideas moms are coming up with. Gotta get me some of these – Lord knows I’ve earned ’em!

1 Comment

Filed under Bits and Pieces

That Damn Peter Fonda

Holy Hell, that damn Flower Power infomercial is back. Went on a teensy internet shopping binge tonight, so feeling a bit vulnerable — I don’t know how much longer I can continue to deny Peter …

1 Comment

Filed under Pieceful Night's Sleep

So THAT’s Why They Have Great Sales

VOMIT.

I honestly don’t know how I happened to stumble across this, buried in the blogosphere, but I just read the most disturbing thing on the My Single Mom Life blog. Nevermind that I’m a self-confessed germiphobe, if you ever shop at Old Navy, you’ll want to read this.

I’m speechless.

Leave a comment

Filed under Disturbing Piece

Who Needs a Library Card?

Friday is Gymnastics Day.

Gymnastics and Errand Day.

Gymnastics, Errand and (ugh) McDonald’s PlayLand with MaggiePie’s Best Friend Day.

And then, after all that, if a major meltdown hasn’t occurred, and she hasn’t fallen fast asleep in her carseat…

Movie Store Day for Mommy’s Friday night entertainment! (Jealous much?)

So, as is tradition, today after gymnastics, PlayLand, and a gallon of Purell, we made our way to the almighty Costco. Mecca.

We like to make an event of it. After MP proudly flashes our card to a greeter, we take care of the first order of business, wheeling DIRECTLY, do not pass go, to the kids books. Yay! The Costco Free Library!

MP knows the drill – she picks out two or three books with the understanding they will be carefully read and returned before we check out. Cheap, you say? Why, yeesss.

It isn’t that I wouldn’t actually buy MP a book. Books are pretty high up there on my list of most treasured material possessions. It’s that:

a. She already has more books than most adults.
b. I want her to understand that she doesn’t get something every time we go to the grocery store, or the book store, or the toy store. That most of the time, we just look. I’m happy to report, it’s worked (for the most part).
c. She’s trained well. MP knows to be careful with the page turning, and not handle with sticky hands. (After all, eventually, someone is actually going to pay for this.)
d. Most importantly (you all know where I’m going with this) … having her occupied — not dealing with the near tearful, “I wanna help!” “Can I push the cart?” “I’m huuunngry” — is something you can’t put a price on. (Good, huh?)

Once she’s outfitted with a few reads (NO sticker books – this is important), her only concern is finding all “the ladies.” You know … THE LADIES. Grandmotherly women in hairnets, offering up tasty afternoon snacks to all good boys and girls. And maybe, if she’s lucky, MP and I will end the excursion by sharing a $1.50 Costco Meal Deal for lunch.

Mama lives large.

1 Comment

Filed under Piecekeeping