Tag Archives: politics

I met a politician I liked and forgot to ask about aliens.

I’ve pretty much made it a goal to get a photo with any famous/semi-famous person who’s path I cross. Which is nothin’ but stupid, because most don’t impress me. I totally blame the blog.

It started a few months ago with Ted Turner. Then, last week, just in time for the election, Senator Max Baucus was in our office. At first, I was like … “Meh. Not like he’s THE ONE or anything.”

I watched as local news stations interviewed him. Cringed is more accurate. Our state has THE cheesiest news broadcasts EVER. Good God, People, you’re interviewing a United States Senator. The CHAIRMAN OF THE SENATE FINANCE COMMITTEE. Can you at least give the guy a decent mic?!?

mbmic

Ugh.

And as I listened to him speak, I began to see why the guy is SO respected round these parts. I think he’s probably a pretty decent man. Plus, after 30 years and plenty of experience in agriculture and rural revitalization, imagine the top secret X-Filesy info floating around that noggin.

mbfiles

As the interviews continued, I walked back to my office and Googled him. Not only is he the 10th longest-serving current senator, he has a son named ZENO. Which gives him instant AWESOME points in my book.

In light of this new information, and seeing as there was a good chance this might be the only senator I ever met, I decided I probably should do my best to meet the man. I walked back down the hall and introduced myself.

Best. Handshake. EVER.

Firm, warm, dry. I didn’t even rush to wash with anti-bacterial soap, like I normally would. (Doogs, that’s BIG.) I DID rush out to the lobby to hand QB the camera.

ME: Dude. When he comes out, can you get a picture with me in the background?

QB: What? No.

ME: C’mooon. Pleeease?

QB: No! Just Photoshop yourself into one of the photos you already got.

ME: Dude …

QB: Just ASK him.

ME: I don’t wanna.

Rather than listen to me whine anymore, QB asked for me.

mbandmp

And I’m officially a Groupie.

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Filed under Party Piece

Best Electric Boogaloo gets my vote.

If you’re still undecided about the election, go to YouTube and search for “Barack Dancing.” Then, ask yourself the very important question: Who would you rather see dancing at the Inaugural Ball?

Michelle and Barack? Or Cindy and John?

The answer seems clear until you remember Wildcard Couple Sarah and Todd. And SP’s “Roof is on Fire” moves and Dance Face showcased on SNL last week. If the Republicans lose Nov. 4, I SO want to see her on next season’s Dancing with the Stars.

Pulling THESE dance moves:

Or maybe THESE.

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Filed under Party Piece

Rockin’ the Bubbe Vote

Oh, politics are FUN.

Between Tina Fey’s Sarah Palin, Letterman ripping on McCain, and Twitter adding a WHOLE new dimension to the circus — I actually couldn’t WAIT to get home tonight, fire up the laptop and turn on the debate — you guys CRACK ME UP — I’m thoroughly enjoying myself. (Have there been any good Obama parodies? They have to be out there, but nothing comes to mind. If you know of something, by all means, share it — I’m all for equal opportunity mockery, especially when it comes to politics.)

It just keeps getting better.

Check out www.thegreatschlep.com for the whole effect. And thank you my Jewish Friend TB for sending THIS gentile a little bubbe love.

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Filed under Party Piece

I think my redirect trumps ’em all.

Yesterday, through the wellspring of information that is Twitter, I learned that John McCain owned the web site http://www.voteforthemilf.com. If you Twitter, you probably saw it too. Up until late yestereday afternoon, the URL DID redirect to McCain’s site. And then people were saying he DIDN’T own it. And after all the press, it mysteriously came down. If you’re interested, read this. She explains it in detail.

And then my co-worker, QB, told me that Obama owned www.votefortheblackguy.com. Go ahead. Click it. Goes right to Obama’s site.

Maybe they own the URLs, maybe they don’t. Thinking about it makes my brain swell.

Sometimes, out of sheer boredom, my college boyfriend and I would hang out late nights, drink a few beers, and make up phone sex phone numbers. I’d tell him, “dial 866-hot-dude” or “866-hor-ndog” or something stupid. (Sorry, if I tell you the really nasty ones, I’ll get all kinds of freak show traffic. I’m betting you can use your imagination.) We’d giggle like schoolkids and crack up when a woman with a sexy voice ALWAYS answered. It was a recording, of course, so we were never charged. Which meant we could keep it up FOREVER.

Good, clean fun.

Inspired, I tried http://www.votefortheoldguy.com. No luck.

I tried http://www.voteforthebrotha.com. Nada.

And I was sorely disappointed when http://www.voteformommypie.com didn’t redirect to the McCain/Palin site.

Which would be schweet.

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Filed under Party Piece

This political moment brought to you by the Sex Pistols.

This election has me torn. So in an effort to better educate myself, I thought I’d take some quizzes.

This one was interesting. Apparently I’m an Anarchist. Does my party have a candidate?

What Political Party Do Your Beliefs Put You In?
created with QuizFarm.com
You scored as Anarchism

Anarchism
100%
Democrat
58%
Socialist
58%
Green
58%
Communism
33%
Fascism
17%
Republican
8%
Nazi
8%

Also of note — equal part Republican, equal part Nazi. Just all kinds of wrong.

Not comfortable with the whole Nazi thing, I took THIS quiz. These results made me feel better.

Lo and behold, I’m NOT Hitler after all. Dude, I’m Gandhi!

And then this one said:

Goody — I LOVE baseball! If I’m reading this right, I should vote just left of center field.

Er, what stadium? ‘Cause I’m partial to Coors Field in Denver. And I hear there’ll be beer.

So yes.

This quiz result is correct.

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Filed under Party Piece

Current Events Casserole

This just in: Bought MP a new pair of white tennies. Within eight hours, she’d stepped in dog poo. Just like Alanis Morrisette and that ray-ee-ain on her wedding day.

This just in: I’m SO diggin’ ‘Douche.’ As in ‘Douchebag.’ It’s crass. I don’t wanna let it go. It’s perfect. Why else would young boys everywhere claim it as their primary sound effect? DOUCHE. 10 points.

This just in: Denise Richards and her new single mom TV show? Douche. (I rest my case.)

This just in: Fox News, Michelle Obama, Baby Mama. Erin Kotecki Vest is my new American Idol. If you haven’t heard about this yet, you need to.

This just in: Only one sticker has fallen off Bossman’s car. To the best of my knowledge, he’s still driving around with one on his driver’s side mirror. Excellent.

This just in: Mommypie did NOT, in fact, have a heart attack last month. After a lengthy doctor’s appointment which included multiple lab tests, symptoms were determined to be a result of ACID REFLUX DISEASE. Yay. Unpleasant, but waaay better than the alternative. Thanks Doogs for all your support through my [tragically Clooney-less] ER episode.

This just in: My Economic Stimulus Check. Yeeeee Hoo!

Aaaannd, drum role please …

This just in: Holy crap! I MADE THE LOCAL NEWS!

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Filed under Bits and Pieces

Because I’m 11. Or, how to get your ass fired.

You won’t get this … unless you read THIS first.

Mommypie delivers.

All that is stupid.

Sorry ’bout the funky sound. Apparently Vimeo doesn’t like barking dogs in the distance or my new tranny friend QB’s voice.

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Filed under Party Piece

The O-Man Cometh

Last week, our humble town played host to Barack Obama for a few hours. Tickets went fast, and Mommypie missed out, but co-worker QB (who you may remember from the birthday post) scored.

Even Waldo was there.

Mommypie: Tell me about the overall atmosphere.

QB: Besides being in a sweaty, cramped gym with other people’s children kicking my back, great! The organizers did little to pump up the crowd, but people were excited, vocal, and boisterous on their own. We were made to go through TSA (they came allll the way down from the airport) security, and Hubby Bee had to give up his 1/2 inch blade Swiss Army Knife. I told him he was lucky he didn’t have to spend the night in a jail cell for being a stereotypical 20-something white American terrorist.

Mommypie: So, who’s the O-Ho in the red glasses?

QB: This annoying little minion was technically the “Regional Director of the Obama Campaign.” More like “Regional Director of Getting-You-To-Spread-Your-Political-Views-Upon-Unsuspecting-Citizens.”

Mommypie: Yeah, what’s THAT all about? You had to make phone calls?

QB: We were all given a sheet of paper with a list of five names from a phone bank of unsuspecting citizens. On the back side was a sample of what we were supposed to say to these people. Instead of being cursed at, I called one person. Unfortunately YOU wouldn’t pick up the phone, so I called my friend JBee. I didn’t tell her it was me. Well, not at first. I followed the card word for word, and it wasn’t until she dropped the phone in hysterics that I finally lost my composure and told her what was going on. Besides not being a fan of pressing my political views upon the unsuspecting public (or the public at all) there were 10,000 people trying to make phone calls at the same time. Along with all the other people NOT doing what O-Ho told them to do and just plain screwing around while the rest of us (who?) were being good little O minions. The noise made it physically impossible to hear on the phone anyway.

Mommypie: So, how many times was the word CHANGE mentioned? We could make it a drinking game.

QB: More like, how many times was “Yes We Can” mentioned. And that was a whole never. A lot like my interview here. You could feel the crowd yearning for a ’bout of “Yes We Can” chants, their dreams never to be fulfilled. Mommypie, if only you could have joined me at the rally, I totally would have turned CHANGE-mentioning into a drinking game. Assuming we could slip the flasks past TSA security …

Mommypie: Michael Keaton. Hot or not?

QB: BATMAN! O-Ho failed to mention Multiplicity when she introduced the night’s special guest and his long list of work. Apparently no one saw that movie? Bummer. Now readers of the famed Mommypie (EDITOR’S NOTE: Obviously, QB has me confused with someone else.) must understand one thing. Mr. Batman — I mean Keaton — is a town local. He owns at least a penthouse in our town, if not a ranch, condo, townhome, shopping mall and restaurant. So, his appearance might have seemed grand and spectacular to O-Ho, but I’m sure she didn’t get the reaction she expected. (The regional director wasn’t even from this region.)

Mommypie: Yeah, we pretty much fall over ourselves to IGNORE celebs in this town.

QB: Seriously. The washed out jeans and blazer didn’t do Michael Keaton justice. He’s attractive in a soon-to-be-older-actor way. Especially given his task … to introduce the introducer of Obama. Honestly, Mr. Batman’s job was to introduce the mayor of one of the smaller towns (1,300 people to be exact) in the region. The mayor was actually the one to introduce Obama. I did see Mr. Batman downtown at the pizza joint after the rally, however.

Mommypie: So, after seeing the O-Man, are you a CHANGED woman?

QB: Yes I Am! Yes I Am! Yes, I Am! Wait. You know, Mommypie, I’m more changed after writing this account than I was the moment I left the rally. It was an experience. One I wouldn’t give away, but I’m still clinging to the fence. Still pondering the “but … but …” indecisiveness. I’m excited for our state election, I’m excited for November, and I’m excited for change. (DRINK) And like I said, I’m in it to show people of my age that they DO matter. That men and women alike fought for my right to vote, and it’s my duty to myself and the country I live in to get my arse out of bed and vote. Regardless of my political view, my bleeding-feminist heart says, “Women fought for women’s rights so that you can vote” so get out there!

Thanks QB!

And now, a pop quiz to see just how much you were paying attention, Doogs. Correctly tell me how many pics Waldo appears in and you get a gold star.

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Filed under Party Piece

The post I won’t remember writing in the morning.

12:45 a.m.

“Me? I’m a legend. They call me the Cautionary Whale.”

I LOVE JUNO.

Running on two hours of sleep, but the DVD’s due back tomorrow so it was a must see tonight. I’m joining the general public on this one — two thumbs waaay up. Who knew unplanned teenage pregnancy could be so heartwarming? Now I feel all warm and fuzzy and ready for bed.

Not unlike the feeling I had ALL DAY.

For whatever reason, I was unable to fall asleep last night until 5 a.m. After hours of lying in the dark, fighting the good fight, I gave up, turned on the light, and read this fabulous NY Times article my hyper-cool city friend Steph emailed the other day. If you’re a blogger, you’ll enjoy it. I’m actually only halfway through — it’s LONG — but I’m confident it’s good to the last drop. I skipped ahead. Go on, read it. Eees good.

Aaand, right here there was a little spontaneous remark about a senator I was nominating for THIS BLOG. An hour later, I realized it might have appeared as more of a personal attack rather than truth in humor. So, I’ve taken it out, along with his photo.

*sigh*

Which totally screws up this transition, but here you go …

Speaking of lesbians, did someone Twitter today that Lindsay Lohan was GAY? Everything kind of ran together.

(Like this post.)

Hookeey, say good-night Mommypie.

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Filed under Piece of Pop Culture

When ’80s dance music and 2008 technology collide.

Every waking moment since posting ‘The Politics of Twitter’ yesterday, THIS has been in my head.

Between that and a continuous mind loop of Obama doing the Running Man, I may need to be committed.

The politics of Twi-tter
The politics of oooo, feelin’ good
The politics of moo-vin’
Uh-huh
Is this message understood?

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Filed under Piece of My Mind