Tag Archives: OCD

But it kills 99.9% of bacteria in 15 seconds …

MP and I have been fighting off colds for a few days now. I am the color of cream of celery soup. MP is ASKING to go straight to bed after dinner. Somethin’ ain’t right, and I don’t understand it.

Especially in light of the fact we’ve been wiping our hands and faces with THESE bad boys.

Which, in my defense, look suspiciously similar to THESE.

But, to cut costs, I went the Tarzhay brand way, bought the generic, left them in the car, and have been using them on MP and myself every day for the past few weeks. Only after a few days of using them as Kleenex and blowing my NOSE into them, did I notice they left my membranes horribly dry. Drippy, but dry. And smelling like an institution.

Upon closer inspection …

Which I failed to notice. The only thing I saw was:

Kills the common flu virus!

Kills 99.9% of bacteria in 15 seconds!



Crap. I guess this means disinfecting the dog’s poo-face is out of the question.

I’m goin’ to bed.


Filed under Confessional

Who doesn’t love a sure thing?

So, you know I have OCD, right? Bona fide, from birth, medically diagnosed Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. The real deal, complete with a prescription to prove it, lest ye doubt. (Goooo drugs!)

I have ups and downs. And components of my OCD vary. Everyone who has it — TRULY has it — has different … things. For example, when mine is especially bad, I mentally count everything in sight. There’s a lot of adding. Then reducing to a single digit. There are good numbers and bad numbers. The maddening irony? I HATE math. But this is just ONE of my things. Just one on a very long list.

Blah blah blah. Another mommy blogger on drugs. BFD.

ANYHOO, last night I’m thinking, what if there were a component of OCD that compelled you to act out everything you read? How bad would THAT suck? Twitter would be from the Devil, and I would be at the mercy of every tweet.

Advertisers would LOVE me. One mention of their product and I’d buy it. I’d be a sure thing. And who doesn’t love a sure thing? Helluu toilet paper makers?? Helluu morticians?? Helluu strip clubs?? (SPAM and hot dog eaters, you’re excused.)

Yesterday, my Twitter OCD day would’ve looked like this:

10:22 p.m. @mothergoosemous MIL: “Every house has to have a piano. Every house has to have a bed too, but a piano is better.”
Dropped everything and went piano shopping.

10:23 @mooshinindy @VelveteenMind doughnuts.
Overwhelming urge to eat. Went to Dunkin’ Donuts.

10:36 @Mashable Break.
Just because. Dude. Have you SEEN his avitar??

10:38 @MaggieDammit Underwire in my bra just snapped. Thankfully, no one was hurt. (Twitter was made for moments JUST. LIKE. THIS.)
Whoa! Easy Tiger.

11:30 @andij1967 Out running errands in beautiful Utah weather. Next stop: Costco. That place gives me a shopping boner.
Went shopping. Which aroused me. A-GAIN.

11:45 @Mashable Break.
Helluuu Lovah.

12:48 @snackiepoo Haha @evehorizon! I will find a person hungry for an orgy. Must research!
Um, yeah.

12:53 @Mashable Break.
Um, yeah.

12:54 @teenagehelp I just pigged out on Spaghettios, something about a can of Spaghettios just make me happy!
*Sigh* Orgies aren’t what they used to be. Rush, rush, rush. Ravenous. Raid grocery store canned goods aisle.

12:59 @JenMaselli @alladither Go shopping!
Stimulate the economy.

1:50 @Hip_M0M “Don’t you wish your girlfriend was a freak, like me?” Don’t ask me where I got that from but it’s now stuck in my head.
Wave my freak flag. Bust a move in the car on the drive back to work. Driver in adjacent lane calls 911 to report epileptic seizure in progress.

2:10 @BackpackingDad Three pullups!!! Not, like, in a row.
Must. Exercise. Now. Hang from office doorway. Co-workers finally convinced I’ve lost it.

2:14 @AmyInOhio Damn you bossman!
Tell my boss how I really feel. Something about growing balls …? Am promptly fired.

2:17 @sweetney Am totally breaking up with the internet.
Depressed, I compose a Dear John letter.

2:21 @PetCobra Dan Cortese. There’s a name that evokes snide laughter.
And then cackle madly. Outside my office, co-workers don bullet-proof vests.

2:27 @mrsflinger IIS make me stick a fork in my eyeball and swirl it all around. Server FAIL.
Motherfarker. Ow?

3:37 @Mashable Break.
Ogle with remaining eye.

3:40 @rocksinmydryer It is impossible to listen to the song Zip-a-dee-doo-dah and not do a corny dance.
Exit work. Eye missing. Delirious with pain, I sing. And dance. Co-workers cower beneath their desks.

3:48 Log off and drive myself to the ER. Wheeled in by devastatingly cute orderly. Give a little wink. He vomits.

8:57 Return home with shiny new eyepatch. Am thinking I could totally make this work. Once my mail-order parrot arrives from South America.

8:58 Log back on.

9:16 @mamaspohr mamaspohr They need “CHEER,” “BOO,” “LAUGH,” and “CHANT,” signs, because this audience seems confused.
Break out the poster paint.

10:38 Log off, crawl into bed, exhausted.

10:40 @Mashable Break.
Okay, not THAT tired …


Filed under Piece of Insanity