I have Sciatica.
I’m sure of it. A freakish, nagging, nearly unbearable pain running down the back of my thigh.
SCIATICA \si-‘a-ti-ka\, noun
Pain along the course of a sciatic nerve especially in the back of the thigh
At some point in my 39 years, I acquired this knowledge and stored it in the Hypochondriac Vault to join vast amounts of other useful medical nuggets. I opened the vault this morning in the shower. And then, naturally, made sure to do a little hedge trimming in the event I had to be rushed to the ER today with a sciatical emergency. As soon as I got to work, I looked it up.
According to my boyfriend WebMD:
Sciatica is a common type of pain affecting the sciatic nerve, a large nerve extending from the lower back down the back of each leg.
Tolja.
Symptoms
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Pain in the rear or leg that is worse when sitting. Maybe?
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Burning or tingling down the leg. Check.
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Weakness, numbness or difficulty moving the leg or foot. No …
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A constant pain on one side of the rear. Yeah. My power bill.
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A shooting pain that makes it difficult to stand up. No …
So, DEFINITELY one symptom.
What Causes Sciatica?
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Pregnancy. Not applicable, unless God has a second immaculate conception in the works and forgot to tell me.
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Irritation of the root(s) of the lower lumbar and lumbosacral spine
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Lumbar spinal stenosis (narrowing of the spinal canal in the lower back)
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Degenerative disc disease
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Spondylolisthesis (a condition in which one vertebra slips forward over another one)
So, we know I have a bad back. And posture rivaling Quasimodo’s. I totally have Sciatica.
Textbook case. Either that or the pain is actually a blood clot that will eventually travel to my lung, resulting in a pulmonary embolism (PE in doctorese) and sudden death.
And my boyfriend’s best advice? Seek immediate medical attention with any symptoms of progressive lower extremity weakness and/or loss of bladder or bowel control. I may just have to dump him. Because everyone knows AG’s my main man anyway.
Damn. All this time, I’m working my ass off here in the snow entrenched mountains, I had no idea I should be retired and living it up in Florida, reaping the benefits of my AARP membership. And wearing socks with sandals.
Mommy Pie 