Tag Archives: hypochondriac

Florida’s Calling My Name

sciatica.gifI have Sciatica.

I’m sure of it. A freakish, nagging, nearly unbearable pain running down the back of my thigh.

SCIATICA \si-‘a-ti-ka\, noun
Pain along the course of a sciatic nerve especially in the back of the thigh

At some point in my 39 years, I acquired this knowledge and stored it in the Hypochondriac Vault to join vast amounts of other useful medical nuggets. I opened the vault this morning in the shower. And then, naturally, made sure to do a little hedge trimming in the event I had to be rushed to the ER today with a sciatical emergency. As soon as I got to work, I looked it up.

According to my boyfriend WebMD:

Sciatica is a common type of pain affecting the sciatic nerve, a large nerve extending from the lower back down the back of each leg.

Tolja.

Symptoms

  • Pain in the rear or leg that is worse when sitting. Maybe?
  • Burning or tingling down the leg. Check.
  • Weakness, numbness or difficulty moving the leg or foot. No …
  • A constant pain on one side of the rear. Yeah. My power bill.
  • A shooting pain that makes it difficult to stand up. No …

So, DEFINITELY one symptom.

What Causes Sciatica?

  • Pregnancy. Not applicable, unless God has a second immaculate conception in the works and forgot to tell me.
  • Irritation of the root(s) of the lower lumbar and lumbosacral spine
  • Lumbar spinal stenosis (narrowing of the spinal canal in the lower back)
  • Degenerative disc disease
  • Spondylolisthesis (a condition in which one vertebra slips forward over another one)

agandmpopt.jpgSo, we know I have a bad back. And posture rivaling Quasimodo’s. I totally have Sciatica.

Textbook case. Either that or the pain is actually a blood clot that will eventually travel to my lung, resulting in a pulmonary embolism (PE in doctorese) and sudden death.

And my boyfriend’s best advice? Seek immediate medical attention with any symptoms of progressive lower extremity weakness and/or loss of bladder or bowel control. I may just have to dump him. Because everyone knows AG’s my main man anyway.

Damn. All this time, I’m working my ass off here in the snow entrenched mountains, I had no idea I should be retired and living it up in Florida, reaping the benefits of my AARP membership. And wearing socks with sandals.

Original images borrowed from these guys. And these guys.

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