Category Archives: Piece of Information

All the world’s a jungle. Some places just require less clothing.

Last night I watched Tribal Life on The Travel Channel, for the first time. I was NOT disappointed. In fact, I came away with more than a few epiphanies.

1. This Thanksgiving season, I am especially thankful for the miracle of underwire.

2. Apparently it’s more important to cover the twig. Berries, not so much. Which I totally don’t get — if it had to be one or the other, shouldn’t it be the other way around? It’s all a bit too precarious for my liking. I’d be strappin’ on a turtle shell or SOMETHING.

3. The drive to impress women with acts of sheer stupidity is universal. The episode I saw? All about land jumping. That’s the ORIGINAL version of bungee jumping. Only it’s done from vines with very little spring. And the men jump from an eight-foot bamboo tower. Their heads actually hit the ground. Total Penis Contest. If someone plucked these guys out of the jungle, dropped them in the middle of a car dealership, and told them they could have whatever make they’d like … they’d totally choose Monster Trucks and Hummers. The winner of THIS particular contest won a handful of grass, which, judging from the looks on everyone’s faces, seemed just as impressive.

4. THIS is the actual warning that appears at the beginning of the show.

tv

WHAT?!? Nekkid Natives?!? God forbid MP see a few sets of flapjacks and bare asses.

Now THIS … this would be SO much more helpful in the Pie House Viewing Selection Process.

tv2

And yes, that is my TV. Flat screens are SO 2007.

5. People everywhere like to get wasted and party once in awhile. With maybe the exception of Tibet. And Utah. I especially enjoyed watching a guy named BONG get drunk on Jungle Juice. *sigh* Spring Break ’89 seems just like yesterday.

6. No one is safe from the effects of gravity over time. I’m talkin’ women AND men, people. And the gravity I’M talkin’ ’bout has nothing to do with jumping from a tall tower. Ten bucks says you can’t guess what’s running through my head right now …

Doooo yer balls hang low
Do yer balls hang low
Can you tie ’em in a knot
Can you tie ’em in a bow
Can you throw ’em over your shoulder
Like a continental soldier
Do yer balls hang low?

Ah, campfire songs. Good times.

It’s at this moment MP comes out of her room, strapped to her iPod, singing Peppermint Twist. Oh, sweet comedy. Timing, my friends. It’s EVERYTHING.

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Anyone for seconds?

My dad (aka Bobo) likes to rip random things from the paper at McDonald’s and give them to me. When he’s on the road, he mails the clippings. Parenting/money/health/political articles, daily horoscopes, the comics for MP, you name it. Last week it was this recipe from a local restaurant.

Which cracked me up. And kind of made me nauseous at the same time.

I particularly appreciate the restaurant owner telling us how cheap this dish is to make.

And then charging $14.89.

For a bowl of balls.

Clearly, I am in the wrong business.

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BLOGHERNOT ’08 Weekend is Here!

WELCOME TO THE FIRST EVER BLOGHERNOT!

Welcome Doogs!

BlogHerNot ’08 is a virtual weekend gathering for those of us who might have wanted to participate in BlogHer ’08, but for various reasons were unable to attend. BlogHerNot is in NO WAY meant to belittle BlogHer, but to provide an alternative means of connecting bloggers from all corners of the web.

Who may or may not be wearing pajamas.

Who may or may not have brushed their teeth.

Who may or may not be drinking heavily.

Whatever the case, it’s all about spreadin’ the link love. Below, you’ll find links to posts about Blogging Life, written by a diverse group of fantastic bloggers. Some you may recognize. Others may be new to you. Take your time over the next few days, do a little reading, and when you’ve had your fill we’ll move on to the drunken debauchery part of the event.

And if you feel like a little meet and greet without the hoity and toity, stop by The Human Party for a pre-function warm up.

The Human Party
Hosted by Single Working Mommy

A ginormous thank you to all BlogHerNot instructors — if I inadvertently left someone out or farked up a link, please let me know. I’ve been up WAY too long enjoying everyone’s posts and am now seeing double. Mommypie go beddiebye.

Have fun, and blog on ma Doogs!

SWAG UPDATE! Sleep with George Clooney!!

The fabulous Chesty LaRue has offered to give one of her SERIOUSLY COOL pillows to one lucky commenter! This special, one-of-a-kind BlogHerNot ’08 pillow will feature none other than our Keynote Speaker himself, Mr. George Clooney. Or, if you prefer … special guest David Duchovny.

Chesty recently gifted Mrs. G a one-of-a-kinder featuring Johnny Depp. (If you read Derfwad Manor, you’re familiar with her deep-seated JD obsession.) I swear Mrs. G posted a photo of her pillow, because I can picture it in my head, however, now I’m questioning my sanity, as I can’t seem to find the link. Apparently, I have the ability to remotely view other bloggers’ home decor. Let’s just say … that’s a pillow I wouldn’t throw outta bed.

You have to comment below for a chance to bed George though, so hop on it! So to speak.

Today’s Focus: Blog Hopping

Urban Dictionary is Educational
Instructor: Steph from The Stephford Diaries

BlogherNot Stalking 101: The Dos and Don’ts
Instructor: Bejewell from The Bean

Where My Fantasy Bloggy-Road-Trip Dreams Die
Instructor: Jen at Cheaper Than Therapy

Five Best Ways to Find Blogging Time … Without “Accidentally” Leaving Your Kids at Target
Instructor: MommyTime at Mommy’s Martini

How To Make A Living At Blogging (with bonus handout: How To Drive Traffic to Your Blog!)
Instructor: McMommy at The McMommy Chronicles

The Five Stages of Blogging
Instructor: Deb at San Diego Momma

BlogHerNot ’08 … The Art of the Schlemiel
Instructor: TPP from The Preppy Princess

How to Nail a Crazy YouTube Commenter with a Post
Instructor: Ms. Single Mama

Seminar 101: Be the Perfect Comment Nazi
Instructor: Auds at Barking Mad

Staying Safe on the Road to BlogHerNot: Toilet Seats While on Travel, or My Adventures in Hovering
Instructor: Mud Mama at Standing Still

Confessions of a Dot Mom Mogul
Instructor: Debbie at Bird On A Wire

How To Earn A Living With Your Blog — Tongue in Cheek
Instructor: Angie at All Adither

VIDEO TUTORIAL!
BlogHerNot ’08: Get Your Vlog ON!
Instructor: Morgan at Modern Single Momma

DOs and DON’Ts of Bloggywood Meet-ups
Instructor: Laurie at Foolery

BlogHerNot 2008: Your Blog Your Way
Instructor: Tootsie Farklepants at Vintage Thirty

How To Blog When You Think No One Is Reading
Instructor: Queen Bee at I Thank My Mother

Why am I here? Why are you here?
Instructor: Drama Mama from Drama Pond


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How are YOU getting ready for BLOGHERNOT ’08?

I feel it.

Can you feel it?

George Clooney feels it.

Admittedly, he’s not a blogger, but he loves the Doogs. Which doesn’t surprise me in the least. He’s fun, we’re fun. He’s … what’s the word? Oh yeah, HOT. (At least, from what I’ve gathered, about 90% of you think so. Count me in.) He’s hot, we’re hot.

Here’s the awesome news. Take a deep breath. George has agreed to be our KEYNOTE SPEAKER.

He wants to hang out with US.

After the conference.

At his place in Italy. Lake Cuomo.

Oh yeah. BlogHerNotters got it goin’ ON.

David feels the Feeva too. He’s currently in the area on a press junket promoting the new X-Files Movie, and according to his agent, has a thing for Mommy Bloggers. Well, Bloggers in general. I told him he could stop by. If all goes according to plan, I’ll be playing Scully to his Mulder at the party Saturday night. SCHA-WIIING.

BlogHer ShmogHer. I told you you’d forget about San Fran.

So do YOU have the Feeva?

Here’s a quick rundown on today’s schedule and how you can participate.

1. Instructors, make sure to email me your Friday’s post link by midnight MST tonight. (See previous post.) There’s plenty of room — ANYONE can participate and reap the link love rewards – just write a post about Blogging Life, put it up on your site, and link back to me. See? Easy Peasy. 

2. How are YOU preparing for the weekend festivities? Deb at San Diego Momma had a fantastic idea and I’m running with it. Take a picture of yourself getting ready — RIGHT NOW, DOOGS — and include a link to the photo in the Comments Section below. There are a few ways you can do it.

a. Post your photo to Flickr, PhotoBucket, or some such site, and paste the link in a comment below.
b. Post your photo to your site and paste the link in a comment below.
c. Send me an email describing your scene in detail. I will, in turn, post an artist’s rendition in the tradition of French Pointillist Painter Georges Seurat

Um, not really, but that would be cool. I’ll post my pic in a few, when I can get away from work, but in the meantime can’t wait to see YOU!

3. And don’t forget to copy and paste your BlogHerNot ’08 badge to your site.

What Mommypie? There are more ways to participate in weekend festivities?

Stop over at Foolery‘s place — she’s holding a BlogHus gathering — her BlogHer alternative. She’s wearing awesome circus shoes and wants to know if you are too. I hear the San Diego Bunch is holding their own get-together, as well — BitchHer 2008. I’ve been promised photos. And I do believe Single Working Mommy will be hosting The Human’s Party sometime soon, to kick off the weekend in style. Glitter has been mentioned, which, I don’t know about you, but in my book constitutes a done deal.

Feeva, Doogs. FEEEEVA!

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BLOGHERNOT ’08 Call for Instructors!

It occurred to me that the best place to wrangle instructors for BlogHerNot is right here with you. The experts. Ma Doogs. And since I kind of just pulled this outta Ma Butt a few days ago, I’m running a little … er, behind.

So, here’s my proposal. Pick one of the course topics in the post directly below, or come up with one of your own, and run with it! Email me the link by midnight MST Thursday — mommypie9494@gmail.com — link back to me, and I’ll post your “presentation” here Friday morning for a full day of classes.

And by all means, feel free to copy and add the official Bodacious BlogHerNot ’08 Badge (above) to your post! If we work it right, the blog love will be spread far and wide.

Of course, there’s also the KICK-ASS PARTY this weekend … cocktails anyone?

Pass it on Doogs!

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Driving Miss MaggiePie

MP LOVES maps. LOVES. She has a collection from different towns; different states even. She loves to see exactly where we’re going. This cartographic gene clearly comes from her father, who shared the same fascination. I, on the other hand, couldn’t find my hand in front of my face on a clear day.

So, I have to admit, I’m impressed.

Lately, however, I can’t shake the feeling I’m in the car with my dad, who’s famous for his … er … very specific directions. (Which, in case you missed it, is my attempt at subtlety. It just sounds nicer than [holy-hell-zip-it-up-I-know-how-to-drive] Backseat Driver.)

To illustrate my point, here was the view from the driver’s seat today, taken with my camera phone.

rearview1.jpg

Today’s conversation went a little like this:

MP: Now, where is the post office? (Very serious.)

Me: Just up ahead. Better hurry and finish your snack.

rearview2.jpg

MP: I see two taffit lights on da map. (Pointing to the window) There’s one! There’s one!

Me: Yep.

MP: Mommy, you need to turn RIGHT. The map says to go RIGHT.

Me: This is a shortcut.

MP: What’s a shortcut?

Me: It’s the fastest way to get somewhere. It’s quicker.

MP: Hmmm … I don’t see that on da map …

Me: We’re almost there.

MP: Where’s da udder traffit light?

Me: I don’t think there is another traffic light.

MP: It’s on the map.

Me: See, the post office is right there.

(pause)

MP: Why is it called a ‘post’ office?

Me: Uh … Because that’s where people go to post their mail. ‘Post’ means ‘mail.’

MP: Huh?

Me: Means ‘send.’

MP: Can I bring my map into the post office?

Okay, so it’s not as annoying as my dad.

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Hunchback of a Dame


Yes, I know I have poor posture.

Blame it on the height.

Or the nightly bath routine of a rambunctious preschooler.

So thank you, my anonymous friend, for pointedly placing this in my inbox (and my inbox alone!), and reminding me that a back is a terrible thing to waste. Were it not for you, I may have forgotten to drink my milk at dinner tonight.

It’s good to be loved.

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Paging Dr. Boogie

MP’s sick. And, she’s informed me, she has mucus.

(Note to self: Start saving for medical school.)

“I saw it on tv. I have mucus.”

Props to Mucinex and the marketing genius that came up with those boogery cartoon gremlins.

Who ever said tv was bad for kids?

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Educate Yourself

I just found a fantastic site, referenced on the Business of Motherhood blog: votehelp.org. This quick online quiz is a great non-partisan resource to help you choose the presidential candidate that’s most in line with your values. Turns out there were no real surprises with my results, so I know I’m on track. Check it out!

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