Because clearly, I’m a giant perv and have far too much available space in my head.

A few nights ago, after excruciating efforts to find the absolute BEST deal out there, the Boy and I bought two plane tickets (Over $1,000 for two people?? Okay … what? Mmm hmm … bend over?). MP and I will be heading to Connecticut in a few weeks and staying for about a month. The goal, of course, being slow acclimation, and to see how MP reacts to it all.

I’m gonna be honest. I LOATHE humidity. And the ginormous bugs that go along with it. And helluuu Lyme Disease. But I do love the beach. So, I’m optimistic that between the three, it’ll be a wash.

I HAVE to see The Boy SOON though, because seriously? I’m counting every hour. Mama needs some lovin’. This weekend’s Facebook banter only made the wait all that more excruciating.

I give you Friday afternoon’s status update: Totally okay with the box of cookies I just ate. Because I bought an EXERCISE BALL today. (Four-square anyone?)

Innocent enough, until Beej got into the act and the ball talk started: I have two exercise balls, and I often eat cake while playing with my balls. I like the way my balls feel under me.

(I love that crazy beyotch.)

I, of course, had to push the envelope. I give you the NEXT status update:  Telling you the dog’s licking the carpet, and opening it up for comments. I’m HANDING this one to you people. After the LAST status update’s comments, I know you have it in you.*

*That’s what she said.

Sadly, the participation in this one wasn’t as strong. Like, lead balloon. Cowards. The lot a ya.

The seed was planted though (ahem), and the rest of the weekend, any comment I thought to post had innuendo aaallll over it.

Rain is pouring through the cracks in the door and now the carpet is drenched. (Really happened.)

The back door, she’s gonna blow. (This? A little gross. I’m happy to report it didn’t happen.)

Playing tiddlywinks. (Really, truly. And I don’t know WHY this sounds dirty, it just does. Like code.)

Surfing the web wasn’t safe either.


Nice mugshot. You think she knows she has a vagina on her face?

See?!? The s*x. It’s EVERYWHERE.



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13 responses to “Because clearly, I’m a giant perv and have far too much available space in my head.

  1. theboy

    1) There are no giant bugs. Granted there are many tiny headed blood sucking vampires called ticks. But I thought you kind of like vampires. Sexy … no?
    2) The humidity makes your lips soft
    3) Glad the back door didn’t blow. Somehow I missed that post.
    4) Thank you so much for finding my long lost love Varginia! I’ve been wondering what happened to her! She is looking good these days!
    5) A few weeks? The heck! How about 11 days!

  2. OH MY GOD> who is that in that picture? Is that Cher?

  3. Dude, if I had been paying attention I would have been ALL OVER the carpet licking.

  4. Damn,I go away for the weekend and miss all the fun!

    Whatever you do though, just don’t abuse your exercise ball! It’s painful when they pop…especially if you happen to be playing with your ball when it happens.

  5. Oh and don’t even ask me how I know about popping balls. Just take my word for it….MmmmK?

  6. Nappy

    The s*x is everywhere!
    ……this is what a guy feels like every moment of his life starting about age 12.

  7. Who IS that — she does have some scary lips! Good luck in CT!!

  8. Connecticut is beautiful this time of year. It’s why we suffer our winters…just like you do;) Come down to Fairfield County! We’ll play;)

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