Shave and a haircut, two bits.

Nothing beats being your own boss. The first month since stepping off that cliff has been phenomenal.



Economically … er … challenging.

Okay, I’m broke.

Which is fine. I may be your textbook eternal optimist, but I’m also a realist. I know it’ll take time before I turn a profit. (Hey you! Yes YOU, you attractive, smartly dressed and highly intelligent person, YOU! I gotta great new site! It’s called Swap Mamas! Wanna buy an ad?!?) Until then, a few things have been cut out of the budget.

Like dog grooming. Admittedly, I have a hard time justifying this expenditure ANYWAY. Seriously. How hard could it be? It’s a DOG. The only reason I give a flying fart about the length of her fur is because she’s so low to the ground, and I’m sick to death of washing her muddy arse every freakin’ day. (Love ya Rosie.)

Which leaves one option. Mommypie. Fur Artiste.

Rosie is a Shih Tzu. (Which, someone once told me is Japanese for “Eats Own Shit.” That … would be accurate.) Shih Tzus, as a breed, traditionally have fairly long holymattedmess coats. Yeah, we’ll have none of that.

Rosie before.



Rosie during.



Rosie after.


Huh. Turns out she has a tiiiny leetle head. And a long skinny body. And kind of a big bootie. And EYES. Wow.

Aside from a few painful-looking pink spots where I cut it too close (yikes) she doesn’t look so bad …

Okay, this is actually a really good photo. In real life, she looks ridiculous. Which totally works for me because every time I look at those buggy eyes I crack up. That mug makes my day.

Not to be outdone, MP — for the SECOND time in a year — decided she also needed a haircut. Yeah. Remember THIS beauty shop moment? Thankfully, this time around it wasn’t as bad, just incredibly frustrating. We’re scheduled for a professional session with a local kick-ass photographer in two weeks, and as much as I loathe having my photo taken, I’ve really been looking forward to this.

I lost my temper. There were tears. She was sorry.

And 20 minutes later, there was this.



Okay, my scissor-drunk child. You’re forgiven.



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34 responses to “Shave and a haircut, two bits.

  1. You are a brave woman to groom your dog yourself. Either that or you have the most patient dog on the planet.

    • She totally thought she was getting a doggie massage or something, which made things all the MORE difficult because she insisted on lying on her back, spread eagle. I could NOT get her to sit up to save my life. Crazy mutt.

  2. Rosie looks adorable! And I’m sorry, but that note would excuse capital murder in my book. Too precious.

  3. Giving a dog a haircut must be therapeutic because even before “the cutbacks” I was doing it, too.

    Maybe it’s just the fun surprise of seeing “What will she look like THIS time?”

    And, gosh, I totally need to jump over to SwapMama’s and become a member now!

    • You’re totally right PAPA! I keep cutting a little every day … I can’t help myself. The poor thing looks downright mangy.

      And get yer butt over to Swap Mamas! 🙂

  4. another co-worker

    I can’t believe she did that again! Maybe she’ll grow up to be a hair stylist.

    • Dude. I’d cry tears of joy to have a stylist in the family. That’s almost as good as a doctor, considering the current rate for a measly cut and a color.

  5. Amy

    My DH always gets mad when I work on my dogs but really-who wants to pay that kinda money? And it’s not like they are show dogs. My kids were always great about cutting their bangs-in school. I totally blame their teachers.

    • Exactly — and I don’t think the dog will be looking in the mirror any time soon, going, “I look like a FREAK! How am I going to show my face in public?!?”

  6. The dog’s haircut looks adorable. And MP’s note? Seriously. It would be impossible to stay mad after that, wouldn’t it? Here’s hoping for a great photo shoot.

  7. Rosie looks younger now! The “I love you” notes always work on me too.

  8. I have a Maltese, and I’m trying to get brave enough to do it myself because no one else ever gets it nearly how I want it. I envision Sullivan having this great little puppycut, where it’s about an inch long all around and he comes back from the groomer either shaved almost bald or looking like they did nothing.

    MP is so awesome. That kid’s personality and antics (via your stories) make my day sometimes-so they REALLY must do that for you.

  9. Andi

    Awww, your baby girl is so sweet! I think kids instinctively know how to be adorable — it’s a survival technique to keep their parents from eating them.

  10. theboy

    There are some serious upsides to this story. First, now you can tell the difference between Rosie’s head, and her bummy. She looked like a Volkswagen Bug before. I couldn’t tell if she was coming or going. Second, the photos will be ten times more funny 30 years from now when you look back at MP with “the do”. Have I mentioned that I love you lately?

    Oh yeah, and Rosie eating her own poo is a survival technique to keep you from eating her.

  11. theboy

    and doesn’t this: “Huh. Turns out she has a tiiiny leetle head. And a long skinny body. And kind of a big bootie…” pretty much describe a tick?

  12. I LOVE cutting my kids’ hair. It’s like being 8 years old again and having a Makeover Barbie! AND? When you screw up, who cares? It’s not your hair.

  13. Yeah, I cut my 3 year-old son’s hair last summer. I hate crew cuts on little boys, so I tried to just give him a shorter do — shorter on the sides, a little longer on top. I remember thinking, “How hard can this be?”

    What helped is checking out a couple of YouTube videos before getting started. I learned a few things that saved him from looking awful.

    There’ve got to be some “how to make your dog look like a dog (and not a VW)” ones out there… and if there aren’t, you should post some.

    • In hindsight I was totally bummed I DIDN’T videotape the whole episode. You’ve inspired me to do it next round! (And, way impressed with your dedication to amateur hairstyling excellence, btw.)

  14. Seriously adorable dog. Those eyes crack me up too.

    Hope the photo session turns out ok!

  15. Oh Lordy that note just absolutely melted me. It also reminded me, as did this entire post, to find every damn pair of scissors in the house and put them ALL in the safe. If Imp so much as cuts off one stinkin’ curl there will be much wailing and gnashing of teeth. Mine and hers!

    BTW…I wonder if I could possibly get away with grooming the cats like that. The two older ones are due for lion cuts. I wonder if my luck would hold out long enough to do it myself, or, if I’d end up needing to visit a plastic surgeon? Yeah. My money is on the plastic surgeon.

  16. We had a puppy that looked like yours named Patches when I was growing up–too cute! And also cute is that adorable note from your daughter!

  17. My girls have never been to a salon/stylist/barber/whatever — I cut their hair. No matter how great it looks it always looks like crap later when they refuse to brush it and/or wear barrettes or headbands to keep their bangs out of their eyes. Why spend money I don’t have when it’s gonna look like crap in an hour anyway?

    Nice job on the doggie!

    p.s. Did you notice that MP got a hidden comment into her adorable note? The U is actually a tongue. She’s sticking her tongue out at you. Or not. 🙂

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