Kinda fun, kinda dumb.

Here’s something about The Boy I haven’t told you. We actually went out on a few dates a lifetime ago. 1985. We were high school juniors.

I vaguely remembered it, but wasn’t sure if it was one date or two. And I only remembered odd details, like blowing bubbles in his living room, and sitting on a dock overlooking a pond. The rest resides somewhere in the Mommypie abyss alongside Econ 101, misplaced Chuck Taylors, AND, with the exception of the Chicken and the Road, any joke I’ve ever heard. I can NEVER remember the jokes, dammit.

The Boy remembered even less. Which started the hamster wheel turning. I’ve kept a journal pretty much since the age of 10. What were the chances I WROTE about the date? Or dates?

Turns out pretty good.

It only took about 10 minutes to find. Which, considering I keep EVERYTHING — every letter, every card, even old calendars saved for their notations — was a small miracle in and of itself.

There were four pages dedicated to The Boy. I sat on the floor of the closet and laughed out loud. Really. I LOLed. Which I never write in comments or texts, because … seriously, people. No one’s REALLY LOLing when they write LOL. And if you hadn’t already guessed, they’re definitely not ROFLing either. OR laughing their asses off.

Anyhoo, apparently I was diggin’ The Boy in the ridiculous way only 17-year-old girls can. With bubble letters and lots of drama. There was a kiss — apparently a good one. BUT, it was the final week of summer and The Boy didn’t really “want to go back to school with a girlfriend, but would still like to date.” Magically, The Boy vanished from the pages of the journal, and was replaced with another short-lived infatuation.

Which kind of bummed me out. Not because The Boy was being … a boy. Because *I* was being SUCH A GIRL. Uck. Somehow, in my memory (which clearly cannot be trusted), I was so much COOLER than this cringe-worthy boy-crazy bubble-writing idiot. I’m not saying The Boy didn’t merit the attention — he WAS totally hot. And still is. But, HOLY CRAP. Looking at that absurd handwriting and reading those pages was JAB-A-SPLINTERED-CHOPSTICK-IN-MY-EAR PAINFUL.

And so, because I have absolutely NO shame, I read it to The Boy over the phone. We had a good laugh. I told him I’d been plotting revenge all these years.

And the journals went back in the box.

Muahahahaha …


Filed under Piece of History

16 responses to “Kinda fun, kinda dumb.

  1. What a great find.

    I’m still in shock that you read your diary aloud to The Boy.

  2. Which is another good reason not to hold on to things for too long. I’ve tossed all of my old journals and you wouldn’t believe what a charming and handsome guy I remember being in high school. And all of my jokes were funny. And now there is no evidence to the contrary! So I try not to think about the past too often, in case a stray, but truthful, memory decides to show up and spoil the party.

    Is it possible to have a “Don’t ask, don’t tell” policy with yourself?

  3. That’s so cool that you have all those things from back in the day!

    I have a few and any time I look them over I always come away with the same thing – that I wouldn’t be that age again for anything!

  4. Andi

    How cool that you get to go back and “right the wrongs” from your high school years! You may not have been cool then, but you are so freaking cool now, right?!?!?!

  5. Lady, you don’t KNOW from mortified. Go to Facebook and open up the most recent photo of me, added by someone who claims to be my “friend” but is clearly out to destroy me. Then we can talk.

  6. thetick

    You actually lost your Chuck Taylors?

  7. Ummmm, hellooooooo? Am I the only one left hanging on the cliff here? I’ve been mighty patient as you drop broad hints in recent weeks about This Boy, and now Little Missy needs to spill her guts some. (Or her devoted doogs are gonna stampede the Pie House. Just sayin’.) Ahem. We’ll be patient, but you’ve been warned! Next chapter: The Same Kiss, Ripened With Time; by Mommy Pie.

  8. I want you to know that *I* actually DO LOL when I type that. I mean – I didn’t do it just then. But I usually do. I don’t actually ROFL, but I do LOL sometimes. When it’s really good.

  9. thetick

    Ohh, and also: Why do Chickens have webbed feet? And for that matter, why do elephants have big flat feet?

  10. Michelle — What can I say? I tend to be overly honest. Oy.

    Jim — I’m diggin’ the “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy with myself. Wine always helps, too.

    Keetha — Totally with you. Wouldn’t go back for anything.

    Andi — Your 10 bucks is in the mail.

    Beej — Okay, you win. DORK ON, SISTA!

    Tick — Can you believe it?? Somewhere, they’re still swinging on a telephone wire over Omaha.

    bikerchick — The AWESOME news is The Boy will be here for a visit at the end of February! Which means a high potential for all kinds of material, yes??

    TrannyHead — Okay, I suppose I HAVE been known to LOL. But what I wouldn’t GIVE to LMAO. Especially after the holidays. Turkey butt be gone.

    Tick — Uhh, to stomp out fires?

  11. SW (that’s smiling wide cause I only say LOL and only when I really do) at the chopstick in the ear because when I reread my journals from college I hated what a weenie I was and destroyed as much evidence as possible.

  12. i love this story! awesomeness squared or something…

  13. thetick

    And to stamp out burning ducks.

  14. How funny! I save those types of things as well. I did throw away a box of notes that were passed to me in high school by my friends. Lately with all the other things going on in my life I am wishing I had them. I’m sure they would be eye-opening as well as funny as hell!

  15. My “let’s start the new year out right” journals were so boring at the time that I usually stopped mid-sentence on January 3rd.

  16. Pingback: My Hero

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