All the world’s a jungle. Some places just require less clothing.

Last night I watched Tribal Life on The Travel Channel, for the first time. I was NOT disappointed. In fact, I came away with more than a few epiphanies.

1. This Thanksgiving season, I am especially thankful for the miracle of underwire.

2. Apparently it’s more important to cover the twig. Berries, not so much. Which I totally don’t get — if it had to be one or the other, shouldn’t it be the other way around? It’s all a bit too precarious for my liking. I’d be strappin’ on a turtle shell or SOMETHING.

3. The drive to impress women with acts of sheer stupidity is universal. The episode I saw? All about land jumping. That’s the ORIGINAL version of bungee jumping. Only it’s done from vines with very little spring. And the men jump from an eight-foot bamboo tower. Their heads actually hit the ground. Total Penis Contest. If someone plucked these guys out of the jungle, dropped them in the middle of a car dealership, and told them they could have whatever make they’d like … they’d totally choose Monster Trucks and Hummers. The winner of THIS particular contest won a handful of grass, which, judging from the looks on everyone’s faces, seemed just as impressive.

4. THIS is the actual warning that appears at the beginning of the show.

tv

WHAT?!? Nekkid Natives?!? God forbid MP see a few sets of flapjacks and bare asses.

Now THIS … this would be SO much more helpful in the Pie House Viewing Selection Process.

tv2

And yes, that is my TV. Flat screens are SO 2007.

5. People everywhere like to get wasted and party once in awhile. With maybe the exception of Tibet. And Utah. I especially enjoyed watching a guy named BONG get drunk on Jungle Juice. *sigh* Spring Break ’89 seems just like yesterday.

6. No one is safe from the effects of gravity over time. I’m talkin’ women AND men, people. And the gravity I’M talkin’ ’bout has nothing to do with jumping from a tall tower. Ten bucks says you can’t guess what’s running through my head right now …

Doooo yer balls hang low
Do yer balls hang low
Can you tie ‘em in a knot
Can you tie ‘em in a bow
Can you throw ‘em over your shoulder
Like a continental soldier
Do yer balls hang low?

Ah, campfire songs. Good times.

It’s at this moment MP comes out of her room, strapped to her iPod, singing Peppermint Twist. Oh, sweet comedy. Timing, my friends. It’s EVERYTHING.

12 Comments

Filed under Piece of Information

12 responses to “All the world’s a jungle. Some places just require less clothing.

  1. Nappy

    So, I guess this just proves that men are men all over the world – the only difference is our toys and….the underwear our women wear :)

  2. oh, mommypie, you make me laugh so f-ing hard!

    yes, the berries seem like they should be covered as well as the twigs. especially since the berries are the uglier of the two evils. heh.

    oh, and i think i lol’d hardest at “God forbid MP see a few sets of flapjacks and bare asses.”

  3. That is all I have to say too, you are HILARIOUS!

  4. andij1967

    And now I’m haunted by the image of dangling berries. Ugh.

    Thankyouverymuch. ;-)

  5. I know what twigs and berries are. What are flapjacks? My boys actually run away screaming from those shows. The nudity is not especially erotic if you know what I mean. Maybe that’ll scare them away from porn, Ya think? A gril can dream.

    Please stop by. I have an award for you. Yeah I’m sure you have a bunch. You don’t really have to play. Just stop by. Happy Turkey Day! I gotta start cleaning.

  6. THAT, ma Doog, would be zee boo-bies. And an award? Pour moi?? I’ll be riiight ovah.

  7. Indigenous nudity? I am totally using this at home. Next time I want to walk around nude (which is never) I totally throwing that out there. Indigenous nudity. That would be an awesome band name. That made my whole day!

  8. Oh, I totally know what you mean – and yes, it puzzles me why the berries would be left out, I mean, come on!

  9. Laughing!! I’m just glad your campfire song wasn’t set to music. I don’t need the melody stuck in my head, along with the ugly image of balls hanging, that has already popped in there….

  10. 3limes

    3limes.wordpress.com

    That was hilarious! Loved the second TV warning. I am all over that. But I think that low slung balls might also have been off putting for my impressionable daughters!!!

  11. Pingback: The drive to impress women with acts of sheer stupidity is universal « Extreme Sports

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