If Stephen Hawking and Angelina Jolie made out would their faces explode? And create a black hole?

I should be working on my presentation right now, but driving home tonight I had an epiphany.

An Aerosmith song came on the radio — I don’t even remember which one … Jaime’s Got a Gun maybe? Love in an Elevator? — and it suddenly dawned on me why chances are slim I’ll find another man I’m physically attracted to. In the near future, anyway.

Lips.

Steven Tyler lips. Mick Jagger lips. I’ve had a thing for ‘em since the single digits. I have such a vivid memory of seeing Steven Tyler for the first time. The movie was Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band. He sang Come Together. I didn’t know exactly WHAT it meant, but just watching him sing it, I KNEW it was dirty. It was serious lust at first sight. I was 10.

Eight years later, in college, I had a hyuge poster of Mick Jagger over my bed. Everyone EVERYONE gave me shit about it, saying he was old and gross and ugly. But my taste has always been quirky. And I LOVED Mick. Still do.

Back to my point.

Lips.

Men in the real world do not have lips like this. At least, they’re rare. Just like women in the real world do not have lips like Angelina Jolie. Naturally, anyway. MP’s dad was one of the rare ones. MP has inherited his beautiful lips, lucky girl.

I have yet to meet a man (in the past four years, anyway) with LIPS. I’m tellin’ ya, once I do, I’ll be an easy sell. Monday night I was watching a special about Stephen Hawking and actually found myself thinking, “He’s kinda hot …”

I know. I got issues.

I totally blame THIS. Watch and you’ll see what I mean.

Mama.

Photos borrowed from these guys and these guys.

38 Comments

Filed under Piece of Nostalgia

38 responses to “If Stephen Hawking and Angelina Jolie made out would their faces explode? And create a black hole?

  1. I am with you. A man has got to have lips. In my time I dated a few with skinny little icky lips. Didn’t like it. Not at all. Give me full beautiful lips. Want an idea of how I like the lips? I guy I dated in college had a nickname BooDLips. Like big booty – but big lips instead? Hmm,as I type this I wonder what it really meant. I know they were big. Yum. I digress. Let me get out of here before I get myself in trouble.

  2. nuh uh! I’ve been all over that hot mess Stephen Hawkings since he appeared on The Simpsons.

  3. Oh yes Men with those Lips are out there- they are the men of the next generation. Check out my bud from SC who works in news…
    Check this out, he’s up right after the anchor throws to him… watch:

    http://www.wistv.com/global/video/flash/popupplayer.asp?ClipID1=2939595&h1=Doctors%20say%20crash%20survivors%20will%20make%20full%20recovery.%20Jordan%20Sandler%20reports&vt1=v&at1=News&d1=117900&LaunchPageAdTag=News&activePane=info&rnd=10276374

  4. Oh my GOFF! WHOA — those are some serious LIPS! They DO exist!

  5. Hmmm…you do have a teensy problem

  6. another co-worker

    Dude. We need to get you out in the fresh air. Steven Hawking? Seriously? I mean, I love Ed Harris. Ever since Pollack, I’ve loved him. And he could easily be my father. But at least all of his man parts work, you know?
    Maybe I have a thing for bald guys.

  7. T

    Wow. Yeah you do love lips, don’t you?

  8. mmmm….lips… Love ‘em. As someone who cares a lot about lips, let me just say too that sometimes they don’t have to LOOK quite as full as Mick’s or Angelina’s to work like that. The soft, pouty, perfect full kiss is magic. I know a man who’s got it. But his lips, while not looking particularly thin, don’t look as luscious as Angelina’s. It was worth kissing him once to find out, though, that I wanted to keep kissing those lips forever. Just saying: perhaps it’s worth trying some in the “moderate” range just to see what someone does with them? Only a thought.

    Okay, off lips. Back to work…

  9. My husband has amazing lips. Totally makes up for the balding.

  10. I am with Mamasphere–My hubby has fantastic lips and my kids got them. Totally does make up for the receding hair line.

  11. It’s not my cup of tea, but hey, whatever turns you on!

  12. Hey Taye Diggs’ lips are highly superior to all the pasty white lips you are referring to. Steven Tyler is dirty though. Mick Jagger is a walking corpse with giant lips, which I guess you could say the same about Steven Hawking….hehehe kidding. I love ya. :P

  13. Pisceshanna — Okay, okay, I have to agree about TDs lips. They ARE highly superior.

    And in all seriousness … I bet all THREE guys are pretty dirty.

  14. That video made my eyes bleed. It wasn’t the lips, or the singing. It was the acting, and the cheesy editing, and the suspension of disbelief necessary to watch it. Steven Tyler would have kicked Frampton’s butt AND whichever Bee Gee that caveman guy was.

  15. That picture of Stephen Hawking looking wistfully at you from the side, right next to pictures of Stephen Tyler and Mick Jagger…It’s genius the likes of which I have never encountered before.

    But, I have to agree with Another Co-worker. You may need some fresh air. And drugs. Because Stephen Hawking? Dude.

    And yes, I have it on good scientific authority that if the Hawk Man and Angelina Jolie made out they would create a black whole into which our entire universe would be sucked.

    So, thank god for Brad Pitt.

  16. Okay, I was totally distracted from watching Steven Tyler’s lips by the overwhelming thought that they made really, really WEIRD movies in the 70′s. Whaaa?

    Back to lips: I can’t agree more. Lip and teeth are one of the first things I look at when I look at any man. Followed by hands and feet (shoes). I LOVE my husbands lips. So gorgeous. Not overly plump, definitely not thin, just the right “give” when kissed (i.e. not squishy), not too wide, but not small like Johnny Depp’s. They are perfect. Possibly why I married him.

  17. Well, if you convince yourself those men don’t exist, then guess what? They won’t exist! If you really want those lips on a man, and you want that man in your life, he can manifest. Nothing’s impossible…

    btw – when my garage band did Walk This Way, yours truly sang. Without the lips (sorry)

  18. I think you may be my new best friend! Lips…especially those of Steven Tyler…sigh. I saw Sgt. Pepper many times simply so I could see the few minutes of Steven singing. I was always frustrated that Steven lost the fight to Peter Frampton because we all know in real life that would have never happened.

    I got to meet Steven Tyler when Aerosmith was promoting “Permanent Vacation” and his lips are just as beautiful in person as they are in pictures. I’m sad to say I couldn’t form a complete sentence when I was around him so I wasn’t able to ask him for a kiss. Something I regret to this day. And if you think Steven Tyler is dirty…you’re right. Email me privately and I’ll tell you about something that happened the night I met him…(the story doesn’t include me…I just witnessed it.)

    Most every man I’ve ever dated has had big lips, it’s pretty much a prerequisite.

  19. You know? I think that Angie might just totally be down with that. I bed Mr. Hawking could quickly calculate the odds of that happening too.

    Big lips lover, eh?

  20. You know? I think that Angie might just totally be down with that. I bed Mr. Hawking could quickly calculate the odds of that happening too.

  21. Huh? Wah? Sorry, started thinking about Angelina’s lips.

  22. Ughhh You are odd. LOL! j/k. I am afraid that guys with big lips will suck my face up…or get spit all over it when kissing! LOL But to each their own..right?

  23. To answer your post title: yes.

  24. The song is Janie’s got a gun. I used to sing it to my x husband. hee! hee!

  25. I more of a leg kinda gal. Love me some soccer legs…

  26. Stephen Hawking?!? LOL

    I bet you could meet a guy like that, just hang out at some Botox center.

  27. How’d it go on Friday, dollface?

  28. I want big lips…has anyone ever tried the collagen? Any secrets out there. I’m too scared to try anything with a needle.

  29. Umm – try a dude with some color! You’ll find the lips, man.

  30. I love it when blog-surfing leads me to a sister. I, too, fell in love with Steven Tyler after seeing him sing “Come Together” in the Sgt. Pepper movie. While my friends were debating between the Brother’s Gibb and Peter Frampton, from my core (or my libido) I knew Steve was it. My taste in music (and men) changed forever. I was 12.

  31. IT’s not Hawkings’ lips. It’s those come-hither eyes he’s flashing in the picture.

  32. I have always loved that song, and Steven Tyler to boot (having met him twice in person at radio stations I’ve worked at) but I’m so not a lip person. If his lips are bigger than mine, then things get awkward. *lol*

    And BTW, just what the hell is a “ju ju eyeball”? I have been trying to figure that out for the last 35 years!

  33. Oops, make that 30 years….I’m not THAT old!

  34. OK…seriously. Steven Tyler is HOTTT. Whatev. ;)
    Stephen Hawking? Dude…issues…

  35. OK…so is everyone going to e-mail TamiW privately? lol!

  36. Maria

    For 2 years I’ve tried a lot of products that offered to “plump up” the lips. Let’s face it, most women wouldn’t mind having Jolie lips. Unfortunately, none of the products worked for me until now. I found online the lip plumping balms by Isabella Pelle and they work. They cost $12.00 for a multipack, and they ship 4 free worldwide. This site was recommended to me by my friend. Check out their site if you want plumper lips. Maria ;)
    http://www.isabelapelle.com

  37. Angelina Jolie Has Huge Ugly Fish Shaped Lips!

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    Angelina Jolie is one of the ugliest celebrities or women I have ever seen!
    I can’t understand how anyone can find her remotely attractive at all!
    She has abnormally huge lips that are shaped like a Bass or trout fish especially her lower lip! Every time I see her face online I have to click it off I can’t even stand to look at her!

    I’m not alone either I have found many other people including many heterosexual men saying exactly the same thing!
    One guy posted a picture of 2 fish and said Angelina looks just like this and he said at least with other actresses you don’t need a fishing license to watch their films!

    Another guy on another site said how can anyone find her huge sausage lips attractive, and another guy said sausage lips? You mean they are like this, and he posted a picture of a fish with an eek emoticon.
    On another message board many people were saying these things about her too and a woman said that her husband said she looks like she should be thrown back into the ocean.Many men said the last time they saw lips like hers they were on the end of a fishook!
    Another guy said he always found Angelina unattractive with big over-sized frog lips! And another guy on another message board said he always thought she was ugly and that she looks like freaking Howard the Duck!

    Another woman said her husband thinks she’s ugly and he calls her anus mouth. One guy said Jon Voight doesn’t make pretty babies sorry.

    Also there are many web sites discussing and showing her before and after plastic surgeries,her nose jobs,her cheeck implants,etc and someone said that even though she’s had a lot of plastic surgery it didn’t help because she still looks like a fish. And on the same site a guy Tim said,really ugly woman with a skeleton body and a fish face!

    Elizabeth Taylor,Lauren Bacall,Milla Jovovich and Jaclyn Smith(who I think is the most famous beautiful woman ever!), and Marilyn Monroe all had/have full lips but they weren’t abnormally huge and they all had very pretty shaped lips not ugly trout shaped lips!

    Scarlet Johanson,Jessica Alba and Liv Tyler all have lips that are too big,but they still have pretty looking mouths because their lips have a very pretty shape not fish shaped like *UGLY* Angelina!
    Ugly Fish Lips
    AOL

    And also the only other people I have ever seen with big ugly fish shaped lips like hers are an actor on the soap thats going off the air, Guiding Light and he plays a religious Father, and the actress who is in her 70′s Carolyn Conwell who played Paul’s mother on The Young and The Restless from 1980-2004 and they are ugly too and I could never stand to look at them either!

    A guy recently said on nbcnework.com that he always thought Angelina was ugly with her big catfish lips, and he said she looks like the fish he used to catch in the lake when he was a kid!

    On a site askville 2 married men said they think Angelina is the ugliest celebrity and one of these men said that she has lips like a Kissing Gourami fish!

    And on another site where they showed before and after plastic surgery Angelina had including an obvious nose job, a guy said really ugly woman with a skeleton body and a fish face. And another poster said she had plenty of plastic surgery but it didn’t help because she still looks like a fish! And another poster said that there is nothing wrong with big lips but her lips aren’t pretty and are way too big, and shaped like an as*****

    * Exactly!*

    Also writer Tomothy Sexton said in an online article that he wrote about how he doesn’t think Hallie Berry is a great beauty,and that his wife is 10 times better looking, and that he just finds Hallie average looking,he said he doesn’t find Angelina average he thinks she’s just plain ugly!

    And a guy who runs a site on geocities called,80 Most Beautiful Women abnd he adds more famous and not as famous beautiful women,doesn’t include Angelina ugly fish face and he said he never found her attractive at all!

    Also on Yahoo! Answers a bisexual woman said she finds her very unattractive!

    Another guy said she’s ugly also and he said she looks like a half fish half woman thing from the island of Dr.Morue.

    And on a motorcycle forum they were discussing Farrah Fawcett’s death, and a guy said he never found her attractive so another guy said you must be gay to not find Farrah attractive,and then he said but he thinks Angelina Joolie is an ugly dog and he is as far from gay as it gets!

    Ugly Fish Lips
    AOL

    And also the only other people I have ever seen with big ugly fish shaped lips like hers are an actor on the soap thats going off the air, Guiding Light and he plays a religious Father, and the actress who is in her 70′s Carolyn Conwell who played Paul’s mother on The Young and The Restless from 1980-2004 and they are ugly too and I could never stand to look at them either!

    A guy recently said on nbcnework.com that he always thought Angelina was ugly with her big catfish lips, and he said she looks like the fish he used to catch in the lake when he was a kid!

    On a site askville 2 married men said they think Angelina is the ugliest celebrity and one of these men said that she has lips like a Kissing Gourami fish!

    And on another site where they showed before and after plastic surgery Angelina had including an obvious nose job, a guy said really ugly woman with a skeleton body and a fish face. And another poster said she had plenty of plastic surgery but it didn’t help because she still looks like a fish! And another poster said that there is nothing wrong with big lips but her lips aren’t pretty and are way too big, and shaped like an as*****

    * Exactly!*

    Also writer Tomothy Sexton said in an online article that he wrote about how he doesn’t think Hallie Berry is a great beauty,and that his wife is 10 times better looking, and that he just finds Hallie average looking,he said he doesn’t find Angelina average he thinks she’s just plain ugly!

    And a guy who runs a site on geocities called,80 Most Beautiful Women abnd he adds more famous and not as famous beautiful women,doesn’t include Angelina ugly fish face and he said he never found her attractive at all!

    Also on Yahoo! Answers a bisexual woman said she finds her very unattractive!

    And on a motorcycle forum, they were discussing Farah Fawcett’s death and a guy said he never found her attractive, and another guy you must be gay to not find Farrah attractive and he said but he thinks Angelina Jolie is an ugly dog and he’s as far from gay as you can get.

    And on a blog called,walletpop.com in the topic of Angelina being overrated, a poster Gary said, Miss Fish Lips,she is one ugly female.

    And another poster replied, Miss Fish Lips! I have never in my life seen such horrible lips on a human,how ugly she is gag!

    And another poster said,she is DISGUSTING! I don’t know how Brad does her Blech!!

  38. Angelina Jolie Has Huge Ugly Fish Shaped Lips!

    Another guy said she’s ugly also and he said she looks like a half fish half woman thing from the island of Dr.Morue.

    Also on Yahoo! Answers a bisexual woman said she finds her very unattractive!

    And on a motorcycle forum, they were discussing Farah Fawcett’s death and a guy said he never found her attractive, and another guy said you must be gay to not find Farrah attractive and he said but he thinks Angelina Jolie is an ugly dog and he’s as far from gay as you can get.

    And on a blog called,walletpop.com in the topic of Angelina being overrated, a poster Gary said, Miss Fish Lips,she is one ugly female.

    And another poster replied, Miss Fish Lips! I have never in my life seen such horrible lips on a human,how ugly she is gag!

    And another poster said, she is DISGUSTING! I don’t know how Brad does her Blech!

    And a guy posted in May on a TV and Movie forum that he seriously thinks that Angelina Jolie is a very ugly woman and wanted her character killed off the screen!

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