And Sea Monkeys REALLY ARE monkeys.

Hi Tales from the Crypt Wrinkle Cream People.

I am SO buying your product. Because if you can resurrect that overcooked, dried up corpse from the dead and turn back the clock 40 years in 60 minutes, I’m in.

I’ll go into work Monday and everyone will be all, “who are you, and why are you blogging from Mommypie’s office? Wait. What’s a blog?” And then, after a few hours, I’ll be fired. Child labor laws, Kathi Lee Gifford, yadda yadda whatever. I’ll be so depressed I’ll stop at the liquor store for a bottle of wine. Or maybe Patron. Or both. But I’ll be carded and no one will believe my driver’s license is real. So I’ll drive myself home to wallow in a glass of juice. Only, on my way there, I’ll get pulled over. And busted for underage driving.

It’d totally be worth it.

Hello Dancing Mortgage People!

Helluu refinance, I’m SOLD! Because I can totally relate to your ads. I like rooftops! And carnivals and fireworks shows! Just thinking about my mortgage makes ME want to shake my groove thing, too!

However, you should know, I don’t condone exploitation of white people who can’t dance. Or Carnies.

But I can get over it. Because I TOTALLY trust you!

And it’d totally be worth it!


Filed under Piece of Crap

16 responses to “And Sea Monkeys REALLY ARE monkeys.

  1. So, wait. What you’re saying here is that Dermitage probably does NOT work like that ad? Crap. Dreamkiller.

  2. So who says advertising doesn’t work and our marketing profession is not noble?

  3. Amy

    That’s funny. I see these same ads all the time and think the same thing!

  4. When those Dermitage ads come on I just sit and stare in awe. I love them and are strangely riveted to them. I don’t, however, feel the same way about all the massive bailouts for the banks. Somehow, I seriously doubt there will be all fireworks and bikini clad girls after it’s over.

  5. It is my goal in life to buy a product off TV. To just convince myself that I NEED to do that, just to experience it…and to get the “AND IF YOU BUY NOW!!!” deals.
    Now, I can’t decide between the Turby Twist, ShamWOW!, Spacesaver bags or the Magic Bullet. (no, that last one is not THAT kind of magic bullet, it’s a blender).

  6. Those dancing mortgage ads creep me out almost as much as the Dermitage ads.

  7. I’m good…me and my Oil of Delay, we’ve been through thick and thin.

  8. But, Dermitage was my backup plan.

    If my philosophy regimen and Roc treatments and Botox and the face lift fail me, I was totally gonna try that.

    You’re ruining my perfectly good anti-wrinkle plan Mommy Pie.

  9. Between this and the last post I am totally laughing my sagging butt off.

  10. Never trust a copywriter who substitutes LESS for FEWER.

  11. Dixon is right…

    I’m a copywriter. But I’d NEVER work on those crazy dancing mortgage people ads. SO annoying and SO glad you make fun of them.

  12. Man, that lady was JACKED UP before Dermitage got hold of her! It even seemed to cure her lazy eye.


  13. Dammit! I just renewed my mortgage. I never even thought of Dermitage. There goes my weekend.

    You’re such a cynic.

  14. Dermitage doesn’t work? WTH? They really had me with broom hilda turning into a beautiful princess. Guess I will have to stick with Oil of Olay.

  15. hey, thanks for saying what i want to say without dropping the f-bomb 87 times…

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