It’s raining men. And I want to crawl under my desk.

I don’t know WHAT the hell’s goin’ on but the past few weeks there’s been a run on fix-ups in Pie Town. Apparently, someone designated it Mommypie Needs A Date month.

Which has led me to declare it Mommypie Is A Stress Case month.

Because Mommypie doesn’t really WANT a date. At least not at this juncture. And you better believe that KILLS my mother.

The first guy is a local attorney, 10 years my senior. I’ve met him a few times before at work functions. Nice enough. He ran for a judge seat last year, and lost. His chosen political party is … not mine. And being older and pickier (meaning that “they like me” is no longer a good enough reason to date someone), all the above could easily be enough to rule him out.

But ACW (Another Co-Worker) mentioned she saw a large tattoo on his lower leg at our recent golf tourney, so, I agreed to meet him for lunch Tuesday. Or Wednesday. I can’t remember, but I wrote it down. And I’m DREADING it. Because, while I don’t want to rule anything out, I don’t want to waste anyone’s time either. I’m going to try to go into it with an open mind. It’s just lunch right? RIGHT??

The other guy is a baseball scout, also about 10 years older than me. Definitely scoring higher on the cool job scale, if that counts for anything. He doesn’t live in this state, but travels here frequently. I have NO idea what he looks like. He’s sent two emails. I sent one, somewhat terse, “nice to meet you” email. He wants to get together later this month when he’s in town. I haven’t answered.

Argh. I AM totally grateful for such wonderful friends who care so much about my happiness. I find it funny that in this case, the two doing the setting up were two GUYS. And I know I’m a little unconventional. But I love the life MP and I have. Just the two of us.

And now, I want to hide. I want to crawl under my desk and hide. Which I’ve actually done on more than one occasion. Just out of college, I was working two jobs to make ends meet — a 9 to 5 job all day while waiting tables all night. I was exhausted. For awhile there, I’d actually crawl under my desk, lie down and sleep when my bosses were at lunch. I kept a pillow in my office and everything. Okay, a seat cushion, but still. Remember the Seinfeld episode where George slept under his desk at work? That was totally me.

Which sounds so much better than a lunch date small talk torture session. Hep me Rhonda.


Filed under No Piece

32 responses to “It’s raining men. And I want to crawl under my desk.

  1. Just think of the dates as “informational interviews”

  2. Lunch is GREAT! It’s a more informal date, and you have the excuse of having to get back to work, so there’s a wonderful time constraint issue. Relax, eat well, and have a good time! : )

  3. I can’t imagine EVER dating anyone with different political views than me. I sort of look at them like religion…a deeply held set of values, not likely to change but something I’m fairly passionate about. And I don’t know how Mary Matalin and James Carville do it. Do you?

  4. aliasmother

    My visceral reaction is exactly the same as yours. I hate dating. Hate. I joke that I got married so I didn’t have to date anymore. Partly true.


    Oh, what the hell. Someone else has done the work, right? Worst case scenario: you end up with a good story. Best case scenario: TRU LUV 4EVAH. Likely scenario: a pleasant lunch.

  5. All Adither — Informational Interviews. I LIKE it.

    Monkeytoemomma — I’m SO going to try relaxing. Talk to me tomorrow.

    thatcoolbroad — I have NO idea how MM and JC do it. I’m AMAZED.

    that girl — We’ll see about that tomorrow …

    aliasmother — Love your optimism 😉

  6. One day in 1997 when I was dating 5 guys at the same time (not kidding) I decided NO MORE MEN. None. Zero. They were useless pigs. I was taking a big ol break. SO I left for NY (from CA) on a business trip with a client. The drunker she got on the way there (thank you first class) she talked about the VP at Liz Claiborne we were both going to meet. See- she was introducing me to him because it could be good for my buisness (GM Textiles). She kept saying ‘he is SO GREAT’. I was very annoyed. VERY. He lived across the country. He was divorced. He was very wealthy (equalled snobby to me). He was NOT right for me. Just shut up lady and stop talking about him!

    We landed and went to our hotel. She says ‘he is gonna meet us here for a chat before the meeting tomorrow at Liz Claiborne. I was looking well-travelled and ANNOYED. And then I saw him. Walk across the lobby. He said hi. I said hi and a week later we were engaged.

    YA never know. Never. Ever. We plan. We make guidelines. and God LAUGHS.

    Have fun. 🙂

  7. Omigosh, Marcy, I LOVE LOVE LOVE that story. THAT’s what I’m holding out for. The lightning bolt. To quote Carrie Bradshaw, “the za-za-zoo.”

    (And when I hear “wealthy” I think snobby too. I know, crazy. I shouldn’t judge.)

  8. Dude. Go out with the baseball scout. Cool job, travels so he’s not in your hair all the time. If he’s not completely hideous, it can’t hurt to take him for a test drive.

    Wait, that sounds bossy. You should only do what you’re comfortable with.


  9. Lunch is the perfect solution. I hope you have fun, and cannot wait to read all about right on twitter;)

  10. I think I’d vomit if I had lunch with someone who doesn’t share my political views. I’m crazy like that, you know.

    As for the age thing, I say shoot for 10 years your *junior*! Hubba Hubba

  11. OK, you totally need to read what happened to me a week ago… on a lunch date with a guy 10+ years older and affiliated with “the other party”. Painful. Awkward. I loathe dating. Free food just isn’t the incentive it was in college.

  12. It’s funny. I said something very much like this back in 2001. Dating? Ack! Ptooey! No, thank you. Me and my beautiful babies were juuuuuust fine, thank you very much.


    Then I met Bill. A week after our first date, he gave me “Happy December 5th” diamond studs just because I was having a bad day. (No, seriously. Ask him.) A week after *that, he let me nap on the couch while he cleaned up a poopy mess on the carpet. (Oh, Lenna, you’ve always had a flair for the dramatic, haven’t you?)

    What I’m saying here is that he was a keeper from the get-go. (And no, not just because he gave me diamonds before I gave up the lovin’, although that was a total check in the “Pro” column for him.) But he was a keeper I was COMPLETELY sure I did NOT want.

    We’re going on seven years of being together (just celebrated our fifth wedding anniversary in April). So much for that whole “me and my babies are juussst fine” thing, eh? 😉

  13. I say don’t do it (dating) if you don’t feel like it. It’s a total pain anyway

  14. Blissfully Caffeinated — Totally leaning that direction. The fact that he’s gone a lot is, I think, why my friend thought we’d get along. And LOL “test drive.” *snort*

    Mental P — I agree. I totally have a built in excuse to wrap things up if need be.

    ilinap — You on a date with a REPUBLICAN?!? You’d totally chew ’em up and spit ’em out.

    Pammy Girl — PLEASE don’t let that be the shape of things to come tomorrow …

    Steph — Awww. I LOVE that. More than anything I love how you describe it: “he was a keeper I was COMPLETELY sure I did NOT want.”

    insane mama — I’m the WORST at saying no. The worst.

  15. Dating isn’t the rest of your life mamacita. It’s lunch, coffee, a baseball game… be present in the moment & that’s all. Worry about Date #2, #3, etc. when those dates actually materialize. And yeah, dating sucks. But remember, it sucks for EVERYONE. Especially the guy b/c they are the ones that have to ask us out & then run the risk of being rejected even after they paid for a meal. LOL.

    Consider it practice for when you DO want to take dating more seriously. It’s a great way to meet new folks, to practice conversation, to learn more about who YOU are (and who you’re not). As well, you can further hone that list of things you want in a partner – someday.

    Don’t take it too seriously & it’ll be just fine.


  16. One of my blind dates showed up in tight white 501 jeans, a tight turquois golfshirt and Air Jordans. This was just 10 years ago. I wish the story ended happily like Marcy’s but it didn’t. He hooked up with his exgirlfriend during the date (yes, during the date) and I ended up demanding money from him for parking. He called me a year later to see if I was still available. Yuckers.

  17. Cheryl — You’re so zen, I love it. I literally feel much calmer. Seriously.

    Jenboglass — Okay, I feel pretty good. Cause there’s no way it could ever be as bad as tight white 501s. I’ll keep telling myself that tomorrow.

    Come to think of it, instead of picturing everyone naked the next time I have to tackle public speaking, I’m going to think of the tightie whities.

  18. Hey Mommypie,
    I was just wonderin’ if, y’know, you’d like to go and….
    Never mind.

  19. i hate the prospect of dating… what i hate more is the prospect of dating in my 40s with 2 kids. who wants to have anything to do with THAT chick?!

    sorry, no point. just rambling that i guess i should stick with my asshole husband. heh.

  20. Hey, there aren’t that many men who collect creepy dollies out there. He’d be hard to replace! 🙂

  21. Finn

    I’m thinking that you don’t want to date because you haven’t met anyone yet who actually looks more attractive than what you already have. And that is one high set of standards that few men will be able to meet.

    Hey, it’s a free lunch (hopefully not tacos). I am assuming that the same old fashioned rules apply here: the one who does the asking pays? Or is that just too circa 1988?

  22. Finn, you’re SO right. SO right.

    And as for paying — I’ll for sure offer — more than happy to pay. But whether he actually insists is always a good indicator of character, I think.

  23. OMG, I so love that you reconsidered the first guy ’cause someone saw a tattoo on his leg. ‘Cause I mean, that totally changes EVERYTHING.

    Hee hee!

  24. Can you spread the word that I need a date?!?

  25. another co-worker

    I will attest to the fact that I have seen said tattoo. And that my first date with McMovie almost didn’t happen because I was scared to go. Just sayin’…..

  26. It’s not a date. It’s lunch. Look at it that way!

    Get out from under your desk and go. Have some fun and don’t take it seriously. Life is too important to be taken seriously.

    Who said that?

  27. April — More than happy to spread the word!!

    ACW — The tattoo and your date story are the only reasons I’m going.

    Heather — You’re TOTALLY right. I love you. Thank you!

  28. You could end up having a hot, steamy affair and marrying on the beaches of Tahiti. Or not. Go in with an open mind and let the universe do it’s thing. If there are sparks, then hooray for the Pie House! If not, you gave up two lunch hours.

  29. Amy

    The whole sleeping under your desk thing is funny. Back in my younger partying days we had a gym where I worked and during lunch I would find one of the mats pull it to my office and take a nap on the floor. (and you thought I was going to say I worked out….)

  30. Went on a golf excursion with Nick Asshat. Had a pretty bad day, and ended up screaming obscenities on the golf course (not at Nick Asshat, amazing as that is). Went with the same group to Oktoberfest and danced all night with one of the golfers who heard me scream the F-bomb that bad golf day. Came home and told my roommate I’d met the man I was gonna marry (again, it was NOT Nick Asshat, although he was there).

    Married that guy.

    Just like Marcy says. You never know, and often the truth is utterly impossible, but there it is.

    Give it a try!

    p.s. Hope you ordered lobster.

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