Pay no attention to the drunk preschooler.

Co-worker: Did you get my birthday party invitation?

Me: Yeah, I just opened the email.

CW: Just a head’s up — if you want, you can bring MP, but we have animals. Lotsa fur flyin’. So, if she’s allergic …

Me: Oh, she should be fine. Fur’s not the big problem. It’s mostly the lickers.

(blank stare)

Me: She gets hives.


CW: Um … how do you … know she’s allergic to alcohol?

Me: Wha?


CW: Oooooh, I get it. LICKERS.

Me: Yeah … dogs that lick …




CW: Cool. Cleo’s not a licker. She’s a poo-eater.

Me: Excellent.


Me: That’s SO going on the blog.

CW: Yeah.


Filed under Piecing it Together

28 responses to “Pay no attention to the drunk preschooler.

  1. Hilarious. Comedy in the everyday, I love it!

  2. I swear it’s not a generation gap, it’s an experiential gap. Pre-kids, we all hear “liquors.” Post-kids? We all may need liquor, but that’s not what we’re hearing AT ALL.

  3. another co-worker

    Thank you for the clarification, Mrs. Waltz. Usually by 3pm at work, liquor is ALL I’m thinking about.

  4. oh. my. god. Seriously, don’t give 4 year olds licker.

  5. I love when this kind of stuff happens….hilarious! I get hives from the lickers too 🙂 haha !!

  6. So this isn’t a story about a drunken toddler? What a jip! 😉

  7. Too freaking funny!

    Makes me think of my mom’s dog Toby. He licks constantly like it’s some kind of OCD tic. He licks the air if he can’t get to someone. I’ve threatened more than once to give the dog a tonguectomy.

  8. “He licks the air …”


    Too funny!

  9. That’s hilarious! That reminds me of a funny joke with a play on words. It involves a French Whore and how she holds her licker. . . ; )

  10. How glad am I that you have no internal ‘blog filter’. You know the filter that might have prevented you from posting this- or we might think that you think a drunk toddler would be funny.


  11. HA! Gotta say, that filter? Getting thinner and thinner. The only thing keeping it *somewhat* intact is the knowledge that my mom and stepdad read the blog …

    And, drunk toddlers aren’t funny?

  12. See, this is where you are a better person than I am. I would have explained that we’d discovered it when we kept trying to give her Jack at night to help her sleep just a little better.

    Clearly, you? Much classier than me.

  13. My mom ACTUALLY used to rub whiskey on my gums when I was an infant to “numb the teething pain.” My brother too.

    Which explains a lot.

  14. Playing with words… HOW FUNNY

  15. Bardolf (my almost three year old) likes beer. Yes we know this because he got ahold of a beer bottle that my hubby was drinking and took a swig. Now he always asks for it. Yep we are going to Hell right after we accept parent of the year awards.

  16. I love it when conversations like that happen! My husband would say, “Liquor? You brought her!”

    Thanks for stopping by. I’ve been reading back through your posts and you’re hilarious!! Glad I found you…or you me.

  17. forgingahead

    now that’s a funny conversation…very Laurel & Hardy “who’s on first?”

  18. That’s hilarious. I can just picture the look on your co-workers face.

    And yeah, it’s the lickers that get me too…on BOTH accounts. Hives and hangovers. Not sure which is worse though.

  19. Oh MommyPie, this one is fabulous.

    We have one that is a licker… *and* a you-know-what eater. How’s that for a twofer, hhmmm?

    We are so ashamed.


  20. littlemansmom


  21. I really did laugh out loud. Still am…

  22. I have OBD. Obsessive Blogging Disorder.

    Surprised to hear you actually have OCD. I watched Intervention the other night with a guy who was really really suffering with it. Glad yours is manageable.

    ANDDD..I noticed my tweet missing.

    “My Reader is empty. I left about 9 million comments. Amen people. For now- all is right in the world. Now no one post for a while!!!”

    In which case you would have stopped posting immediately. Just an FYI!

  23. The worst ones are the Poo-eating Lickers eh?

  24. Moments like that make me miss having a job. Almost. @jenboglass Hahahaha! That will stay with me all day.

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