40 is the new 30, Baby.

As my flight neared touchdown, my initial reaction was nothing short of WTF? The view was less than stunning. To say the least. The elderly gentleman sitting beside me must have read my mind. Or my face. He offered reassurance that the acres of black rock were, in fact, lava flows, and that they did NOT cover the entire region.

He was right. The Big Island, with its rugged diversity of terrain, was nothing short of spectacular. But I’m getting ahead of myself.

All six of us arrived between 4 and 8 p.m., and after looong flights, our first night in Kona was spent relaxing and catching up at a local eatery. Most notable event of the evening — a MONGOOSE scurrying beneath tables on the patio while customers ate. I didn’t know it was a mongoose at the time. I would’ve put money on squirrel/rat cross breed.

Our rental house? BEAUTIFUL. HUGE. Three bedrooms, three baths, gorgeous furnishings, pool, you name it.

Oh yeah, and and THIS.

Second time in a month! What are the odds? Never mind that I totally clogged it with overzealous usage, you KNOW I was a happy girl.

The next day was spent at the beach — I made a solemn vow to not publish swimsuit photos, but I CAN show you this.

As we ventured into the ocean for the first time, this awesome sea turtle bumped into Finn’s leg, prompting her to yell, “That CREATURE just touched me” and beat a hasty retreat back to the shore. She and OnStar weren’t as into the whole water thing as the rest of us.


Surprisingly enough, I could’ve stayed in the water all day, every day. And I didn’t worry about sharks or stingrays OR jellyfish. I didn’t worry about anything. I DID wish MP was there to see the turtle though.

Later that night we did the full-on tourist thing and attended a luau. My only gauge being The Brady Bunch Goes to Hawaii episodes, I fully expected to be sitting around a blazing fire, eating poi and getting up only to dance with natives. Turns out reality isn’t quite so romantic. Reality looks more like a Bingo Parlor. Only outside.


After paying our $70, we were HEAVILY encouraged to go to the bar. Um, okay.

Two drinks at a time. Two FREE drinks at a time. No limit.

Um, okay.

We’re moms. We’re good at following directions.

The drinks from the punch bowl were actually pretty weak. The bartender was more than happy to top our drinks off with an extra shot.

BTW, “Chile’s” former blog name was “Tea.” Remember, she got engaged a few weeks back? “Chile” just suits her personality better, especially now that she’s living there. Mkay, just wanted to clear that up.

The luau itself lasted two or three hours. We ate. We drank. We listened to music.

We drank.

We tried swinging some Poi Balls.

Stop it.

I’ll try [most] anything once.

That’s hot.

As the night wore on, there was a moment we all looked at each other and had the same thought.

“Do you have a buzz?”

“No. Do you?”

“Not at ALL. Do you?”

“Um, nooo.”

“How many have you had?”

“Six. You?”


Apparently, THAT’s how they can afford to offer open bar. And that shot of rum? Probably not much more than colored water. I still can’t believe I didn’t notice. I worked my way through college as a BARTENDER, for cripe’s sake. Shameful.

The performers have GOT think tourists are complete tools.

Yeah, they’d be right. Helluuu Poi Balls.

The dancers were fantastic, though, and all in all, totally worth the money.

The night was still fairly young when the luau came to a close, and being almost completely sober, AND IN HAWAII, we decided to find a bar. We found a place called Huggos, camped out outside at a table overlooking the sea, listened to some live music and made up for lost time.

I love that in the 25+ years we’ve known each other, we get together and we’re all so clearly the same people. With the same group dynamic. It’s like no time has passed.

And at one point, while everyone danced, I did this.

And 10 seconds later, I did this. Shot a really, really, REALLY poor quality camera phone video of Chile and Cannonball gettin’ down. Which should wrap this post up. At least you’ll get the feel of the place.

Tomorrow, I tackle the volcano.

WAIT! I HAVE been to a luau before! HOW could I forget THIS?!?



Filed under Piece of Paradise

27 responses to “40 is the new 30, Baby.

  1. Looks like a blast-although the weak Mai Tais kinda got me down. Sigh. The ball-twirling shots brought it right back up for me though, trust me. Your captions are epic. Looking forward to the volcano edition.

  2. Love it. I was a little disappointed that Greg Brady wasn’t at the luau…

  3. Second that! At least Vincent Price didn’t show up. Cause, um, he’s dead.

  4. Sorry that your drinks were watered down but at least your house was FABULOUS! I am sure that you had lots of drinks on hand in that home.

  5. Gotta love all the matching necklaces. Is it hanging from your car rear-view mirror now? 😉 Don’t mind me, I’m just jealous.

    Your dress is so lovely! Very sharp.

  6. Aw, thanks! And I know — the necklaces. They gave them to us when we entered the luau. It totally belongs on the mirror. HA!

  7. That was just Day 1? Oh, dear! I can’t wait to see what else is in store:)

    Note to Self: Book Trip to Hawaii; Learn how to swing poi balls…..

  8. sacrilege that the drinks were colored water. i’m sorry, but i can’t get over that part of the post! but the pictures are beautiful and i am *so* jealous of the beautiful house that you rented… can’t wait to hear about the volcano.

    oh, and i tagged you for a meme. with absolutely no expectation that you will oblige. just thought i’d let you know. 😉

  9. I love the old (metaphorically) friends vacation!

    I’m really glad you had a great time. And? I thought you ate tacos all the time? Where’s the physical evidence of that on the hot bod?

  10. HA! That would be under the strategically placed sweater around my waist. But thanks Doog! 🙂

  11. Those Mai Tais had a lot of empty calories if they didn’t have any alcohol in them. Was anyone else not aware that the rum was watered down and ACTING drunk? That would’ve been a hoot.

    Gorgeous house!

  12. Ummm, I hate to be the one to burst your bubble about the mongoose (and I hate self-linking in a comment, but it’s sort of important), but . . .


    What a fabulous vacation! Can’t wait to hear more.

  13. Oh for the love of all that’s just and good, PLEASE say it isn’t so.

  14. Great detailed vacation summary! I love the pool! The time I was in Hawaii I was 11 and that was when I got my period while my parents were out to see Don ho!

  15. Tell me exactly where that is in Hawaii, because that does not look like the Hawaii we went to. Our Hawaii looked kind of like San Diego. We never had a turtle nudge us. I would have loved that. I would love to go to your Hawaii.

    Also, clicked over to read the other side of the mongoose story. Ha! Freaking hilarious!

  16. Next time can I come? And we’ll drive since I hate flying too. I hear there’s an underwater road few people know about.

  17. That house is Beautiful! Wow, beats a hotel any day! I loved the Poi Ball pictures :D. I know I would totally whack myself on the head with those suckers. Can’t wait to see the rest!

  18. The house – like an MTV Real World house or something.

    So… I want to know – which one lit her fart on fire????

  19. Pingback: Being in my head… | The Stephford Diaries

  20. That house is amazing! My hubby told a story that the mongoose was brought into Hawaii to catch mice (or maybe rats) that were over breeding.

    But, the mongoose are diurnal, and the vermin are nocturnal so now there are two cases of overpopulation. Not sure if this is true but he was stationed on Hawaii for awhile.

  21. John Ryan Recabar

    i think you are sexy.

  22. I think you are sexy, too, Mommy Pie (in a totally non-stalkerish, platonic blogger girl-crush kinda way).

    Just checked back in to read the comments, and I have to add that Mel’s comment above, about the mongoose problem, is true. Oops! Diurnal. Who knew.

  23. House looks amazing, turtle was cool, sorry the drinks were watery, luau looked fun, poi balls were, well, ballsy, friends looks like people I want to hang out with, it all looks great, blah blah blah.

    Now forget all of that.


    So fucking jealous.

  24. When I was in AP biology back in the day we had to bring in a surprise slide to show our classmates so they could guess what was on the slide. One kid sli that bad boy slide up on his testicles and showed us all his ball sweat. Seriously. I could not make this stuff up. No way could I eat those sweaty, spermy, bull balls.

  25. Emailed you about this ilinap. Seriously, Doog. Eating a pulled pork sandwich when I read this.


  26. Lyna

    I will be going to Hawaii for the first time with my mates in Sept. Can you recommend any must-sees, must-dos, must-goes? I am still a little clueless as where to go, what to do, where to eat. Did you go on those helicopter rides or swim with the dolphins?
    A little help would go a lonngg way! Love ya humor!

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