The Venus of Willendorf is a 4 3/8 inches high statuette of a female figure estimated to have been created between 24,000 BC and 22,000 BC. Discovered in 1908, very little is known about its origin, method of creation, or cultural significance.
The Venus is thought to be an idealization of the female figure and possibly a fertility idol, however, the purpose of the carving is subject to much speculation.
And here we have the lesser known PENIS of Willendorf, circa [August] 2008 AD.
See that thing between two giant man legs?
It’s a Dough Dick.
And I’m not quite sure WHAT it means.
When I asked MP what it was, she looked about as clueless as I was speechless.
“Uuhh, a rock?” she shrugged.
“Did you make this yourself?” I asked. “Or did someone help you?”
Here’s where Mommypie breathes an audible sigh of relief.
“Wow. You did a really good job!” Er, yeah.
Perhaps some day, 26,000 years from now, some dude wearing breathable Space Khakis will unearth this Pre-Schoolian sculpture from a tar pit where The Pie House stood millennia before, and declare it a rare find — a tool presented to brides-to-be in an primitive ritual known as “the Bachelorette Party.” Back when procreation involved actual sex instead of the commonly practiced clone method, of course.
Truth is, I’m not even convinced MP remembers making it at all. Which isn’t unusual, considering the multitude of art projects she brings home every week. But … it DOES have her name on it. And … it IS displayed on the mantle.
Like a smuggled pre-Cambrian archaeological find.
Which, growing up we actually HAD on our mantle. One day I accidentally knocked it from its perch and broke off the figure’s nose. I cannot adequately express just how pissed my parents were. I was devastated. I carried the guilt for YEARS. Until we found out my uncle bought it at some roadside tourist stop in South America.
Were this a NYC penthouse, and were I fabulously rich and famous, the Dough Dick would no doubt be assumed a bona fide, historically significant archaeological discovery. And I’d be so proud that not even Donald Trump had one on HIS mantle.
I am the proud owner of a Dough Dick. The only one of its kind.