I’d like to say I got one of the CHEAP seats, but …

Noon, California time and I’m sitting at LAX, recovering from two flights and gearing up for the biggie, over the ocean, in just about an hour. I stayed up ALL night with the hope that I’d pass out on the flights. No luck so far, but my fingers are crossed.

Actually, I haven’t been able to fall asleep for a reason.

Remember last weekend when I asked what YOUR pet peeves were? I now have a new one of my own.

People who go to the bathroom on planes. Are we FIVE, people? Can you not wait an hour and a half to pee?

I’ve been seated DIRECTLY ADJACENT to the john on BOTH FLIGHTS, squished into the very last seat in the rear. And puns aside, the stench has been UNREAL. I paid $1,300 to hang out in a Porta Potty? And all I get is a crappy bag of peanuts? (Again, excuse the pun.) I could have done that at the county fair. And what’s with the smell? Don’t they just open a chute in the bottom of the plane and let it fly? Or have I been worried about getting hit with flying poo my whole life for no reason?

The steady stream of pee-ers was killin’ me. (Again with the puns.)

Cross your fingers I’m in the FRONT of the plane on this last leg. And that I don’t have to use my flotation device. They’re calling my number …

P.S. Make sure to check back — some of my favorite bloggers will be guest posting while I’m gone!



Filed under Piece of Crap

27 responses to “I’d like to say I got one of the CHEAP seats, but …

  1. Oh, girl. I thought I’d be so jealous of your great Hawaii getaway! I’m not now. Thanks.

  2. Okay, I just spit out my iced green tea…so funny…glad it’s the short leg of the trip…I am convinced there is no good place to sit on the plane!

  3. Mark

    I usually walk back to the bathroom just to stretch my legs and then once inside the teeny box I stretch my arms and back. I’m a tall man and those seats are uncomfortable.

    My wife uses the restrooms on planes because she is on medication that makes her frequently urinate.

    I think that you just got a crummy seat.


  4. Every time I’m near train tracks, I check for feces. It’s a sick game I play. Haven’t found any yet, so maybe that’s a myth, too.

  5. If a dookie falls in the woods, and it hits a bear doing what bears do in the woods, would either of them make a sound, or would they be too busy figuring out the sound of one hand clapping?

    Do dookies even HAVE hands?

    Do bears?

    Things to ponder as you sip sweet sticky concoctions on a lounge.



    p.s. The shoe bomber caused a mild choking sensation and some sounds I’ve never made before, but don’t you worry about me. : )

  6. Cracking up so hard… you almost made me pee in my pants. Dang, you’re good.

  7. Flying poop huh? Hmmmm…. Hope you’re having a great time!

  8. I don’t think they are allowed to dump poop anymore for environmental reasons, but I might be just talking out of my ass. Ha, I kill myself!

    I never pee on planes, but that’s because I’m afraid I’d fall out the poop shoot. But, if I had “stomach” issues and could not find any Immodium AD to save my life, I guess I’d risk it.

    Have a blast in Hawaii!

  9. OH man, that shot of inside the plane has me sweating. I’m jealous of the beach part, not the plane part. But thanks for reminding me about the fear of poop falling from the sky.

  10. Yuck. I hate being trapped on a plane. And like you, I sit there and watch the parade of people boarding the plane, as I play “terrorist or not-a-terrorist”.

  11. Just because I’m a kook (keeper of odd knowledge) I had to look the info up.

    From the Chicago O’Hare Flight Standards District Office:

    “Many people are of the assumption that aircraft lavatories dump
    overboard when they are flushed, this is not the case. Lavatory
    waste is contained on the aircraft in a holding tank until the
    aircraft lands. When the aircraft is safely on the ground, only
    ground crew personnel may operate the valve to dump the waste tank.
    While in flight it is physically impossible for the pilots to dump the
    waste water because the valve is usually located on the exterior of
    the aircraft.”

    Good thing the shoe bomber’s match got wet huh?

  12. froggylove

    You are too funny. I like how you took thier pics. Next time you should take pics of their faces. You never know, maybe the plane ride scared the sh*t outta them.

  13. Ditto i just don’t get it. And most of the time peeiers have to edge past the food carts. If i were a stewardess i would ahve screamed in frustration.

    Good blog though! Cheers.

  14. Oh my! I’m peeing my pants just reading that! Thanks for the laugh!

  15. seachange

    The first thing I would do at Honolulu airport is go to the airline desk and ask for seat changes for the return flight. I would do this before going to Baggage Claim.

    I love your sense of humur. Give somebody else a chance to endure the stench. 🙂

  16. baaahahaha! you know, i try not to pee on planes either and i, too have always been obsessed with the amount of people who get up to pee.

    honestly? they’re probably getting up to clean the shit out of their pants because they’re afraid of flying. hence the smell.

  17. Umm EWW and I’m Sorry. I hope at least you have been able to drink.

  18. another co-worker

    So that’s why you’re so pale! Fear of flying poo! It all makes sense now…

  19. Erin

    I just got back from a long flight myself (Anchorage to Minneapolis, then to Nashville…then the return from Nashville to Detroit, Detroit to Anchorage), and let me tell you–on neither the FIVE HOUR FLIGHT from Anchorage to Minneapolis nor the two hour flight to Nashville was I offered anything solid. How can you expect people to not have anything in their stomachs besides ginger ale for almost 10 hours? I mean, really, how much does a crappy little bag of peanuts cost, anyway? Total pet peeve.

  20. I’m a plane pee-er for SURE….sorry, hun! Small bladder. Can’t jump on trampoline’s anymore either.

    Did I tell you I was a flight-attandant once? You would have been a fun “guest” on my flight– I would have slipped you awhole bunch of booze so you could pass out and be free of fear and plane pee-er annoyance.

    Hope you have the best time in Hawaii!

  21. Rick's Cafe

    A post about peeing?
    I bet ya all laugh at fart jokes too……………feels just like home!

  22. Ok, here is my little secret. When I worked for Cheap Tickets in a call center and a caller would annoy me by acting as if I were stupid or being a disrespectful jerk, I would assign his seat with great care.

    I would take great care to put him next to the bathroom, or the middle seat in the back row, a middle over the wing. I think you get my point.

    I hope you didn’t annoy anyone when booking your flight. have fun in Hawaii!

  23. i find that many people who are adults act like they are five. i’ve dated a few of them. it’s no surprise that they need to go pee all of the time.

  24. That would be my luck too. AND I’d probably end up needing that farking flotation device. So I guess I’m glad I’m here safe on the ground, but still totally pissed off that you’re in HAWAII. We may not hardly at all barely only twitter-ish know each other, but I so think it would have been nice if you had invited me. Whatev.

  25. I know you’re busy ogling hot fire dancers but I’ve got a little something for you on my blog.

  26. HAHA! Yes I think the same way! Nice illustration! It should be part of a powerpoint presentation for American Airlines!

  27. Hilarious. I’ve been stuck in that same seat. I honestly don’t understand why anyone would use that horrible little bathroom on a short flight. I think they do it out of boredom.

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