Toilet seats are germy. Trolls using my name are worse.

My internet connection at home is STILL FREAKIN’ DOWN, which means I’m posting fast and furiously from work again. I had no idea I was so damn dependent on it until it stopped working Friday. Frustrated doesn’t BEGIN to describe.

Because I have so much rattling around in my head this week. Like gold-dipped animal penis earrings. And teenage memories. And the stray cat that lives under my porch. And ghost stories.

And my troll impersonator.

Seems the fabulous Toostie Farklepants has herself a nasty troll problem. Apparently so do I, because said troll is going by MommyPie. Which blows because I SO don’t want to be confused with someone who obviously has too much time on their hands (I DON’T), doesn’t play well with others (I DO), and so clearly needs to get laid. (Er …)


Or, as Sweet Tootsie more eloquently put it, “Someone needs a hug.” *snort*

Because seriously, I HATE conflict. I avoid it like gas station toilet seats on a road trip. I prefer peeing on the side of the road, under a bridge, thank you very much. Which, wait … is where the trolls hang out, right? Dammit. Apparently the chances of contracting a communicable disease are less at Conoco than at underpass pit stops.

SO much drama in Bloggywood lately. Oiy.

Which brings me to one last important matter before I get fired.

BlogHer. Not going. You? If my internet connection ever decides to come back, I’ll be throwing a little get-together for all us Bloghernots.


Wanna come? Let me know and I’ll put you on the list. Seriously, it’s gonna be a blast.

*she says in high-pitched squeal*



Filed under Piecekeeping

45 responses to “Toilet seats are germy. Trolls using my name are worse.

  1. another co-worker

    Dude, you’re fired. Remember, the best part of our jobs is coming one month from today when we get to ride in a golf cart all day, drink free beer and eat all-beef weinies. So don’t get fired until after that.



  2. Dude. That’s the only reason I STAY.

  3. Oooo oooo ooo!! Me me me! I’m in! Sign me up!

  4. BlogHerNot? Fabulous. FABULOUS. Count me in, please. 😀

  5. I’m totally going to BlogHerNot 2008! I’m gonna get so wasted.

  6. Hot DAMN yer funny. And I didn’t see the trollism, but I’m betting he/she bit off more than he/she could chew, pretending to be you. : )

  7. Count me in as a BlogHerNotter.

    Will I need a bikini wax?

  8. Hot tubbing IS an option — deforestation recommended.

  9. BlogHerNot 2008…sign me up!

  10. Dude, I’m so there. And I mean there as in here. Bloghernot is gonna rock!

    I’m under threat of fire as well. But I just can’t help myself (the internet really does call my name). If I go, I think it’ll have been worth it.

  11. you kick some serious ass. and i didn’t see the troll-ey bits, but that ‘sho’nuf took some balls!

    oh, and i’m the master conflict-avoider too… i think it’s in my genes. what’s your excuse? ;p

  12. I’m SO at BlogHerNot.

    I think I’m even sponsoring a party. It’s called The Human’s Party.

    In other news, my boss told me today that he doesn’t go into public bathrooms. I wasn’t sure what to do with that information. Does he not go all day at work?

    Sorry about the trollage.

  13. Dude??? Well ok…I’m so there on Bloghernot, I’ll sponsor cocktail hour. Add me to your list…Tweet early, tweet often!

  14. I’m in!!! Let’s bring lots of men. : ) Tee hee.

  15. I’m in for BlogherNot 2008, i’ll bring the white wine!

  16. I’m in for the Bloghernot 2008! Sounds fun!

    As for your troll – I cannot believe someone would do that. At least you’re memorable enough to warrant someone pretending they are you . . . even if they tried to besmirch your MommyPieness.

  17. I may dress up like MommyPie in the privacy of my own home. Really, who doesn’t? But what loser impersonates people to post shitty messages.

    I agree – Aunt Flo must be visiting the blogworld.

  18. BlogHerNot 2008… I’m so there and I’ll be wearing my new madras peddlepushers. Er… cropped pants.

  19. “Like gold-dipped animal penis earrings.”
    So sick that I GET this.

    Oh. Wait. I AM going to BlogHer. As in BlogHerAM. AM I allowed to comment on this post? SAMIAM?

    If I’m not just effing delete me.
    LOVE YA MP. Even if you might be Tootsie’s troll. j/k.

  20. I’m not going. 😦 I wanted to. But alas, I’m not. And too bad about the troll using your name too! yeauck!!

  21. Sign me up for Bloghernot.

    And what is IT with trolls lately? Maybe my very own “steven” is making the rounds? Well no, I take that back, because he’s too busy wedging his nostrils up BHJ’s bum!

    Actually my troll kept me amused yesterday, so I may keep around awhile before I kick back to the bottom of the bridge he crawled out from under.

  22. I’ll be at BlogHerNot for sure. Perhaps my 5:00 Fridays post will be dedicated to it. We can have a progressive party in the blogosphere.

  23. I LIKE — a progressive Blogosphere Party.

    Now that’s progressive.

  24. I called Terminix and here’s what they said about trolls. They thrive on drama. Remove the drama (i.e., IGNORE) and they go away. Meantime sorry you hafta deal with it. But it kinda means you’re a big deal!

    Am I eligible for the BlogHerNot party if I don’t blog? Here’s my twisted logic on the topic: since I don’t blog but am addicted to reading other peeps’ and there will be less bloggage during conference, I will have less to read. Yeah, sign me up!

  25. Of COURSE you can come — BlogHerNot is all-inclusive.

    You’re springin’ for booze, right?

    Heh heh.

  26. I’m a Bloghernotter too. What the eff should I wear???????

  27. Pedicure? Check
    Deforestation? Check
    Margarita Mix? Check

    BlogHerNot 2008 or Bust!!!!!!!!

  28. I’m sooo out of the loop. What’s bloghernot?

    Troll eh? Sometimes they’re amusing. Sometimes they’re downright frightening.


  29. Yeah, YOU, ma Doog, have some scary ones. Seriously.

    And BlogHerNot — just my little virtual soiree in the next few days for those of us NOT going to BlogHer.

    You’re coming, whether you like it or not. We need a bellydancer, and since you have a spankin’ new bod, you won the vote.

  30. I will NOT be at BlogHer and would LOVE to be at BlogHerNOT. But, I am at 11 y/o’s soccer tournament all weekend. Is it a come and go affair or will I be fined if I leave? And is soccer-mom attire okay or should I shop? (Please say I need to shop!)

    How crappy that a troll is posing as you. As if you could be troll-ish.

  31. I am not going either. Something about having zero dolalrs to my name or whatnot. Boo Hiss!

  32. Yay, BlogHerNot! Count me in – you want me to bring the margaritas or the brownies? Or both?!

  33. I am sooooooo there. I’ll bring the beer cuz I’m not very fancy.

    I make a mean artichoke dip, so I guess I’ll bring that too

    We need a bellydancer, and since you have a spankin’ new bod belly, you won the vote.

    I fixed that for ya. The rest of the bod is the same, so if the rest of me can attend burqua style, I’m all over it.

  34. Long time reader, first time commentor. I’d love to come to BlogHerNOT.
    Sorry about your troll luck, but I agree that this means that you’ve made it!

  35. Consider this my official RSVP

  36. Count me in for BlogherNot!

    And the stuff about the troll and the internet sucks. I think my head would explode if a troll started using my details.

  37. I’m in. Oh what shall I pack?????

  38. ooooh bloghernot here I come!

    i say sleepover. the first one who falls asleep gets the underwear and bra in the freezer gag.


  39. Am I too late to RSVP? I’ll bring the mimosas for the morning after party…

  40. what is bloghernot? and where is it going to be held?

  41. It’s a virtual remedy for those of us suffering from not being able to go to BlogHer. So, um … in my head?

    I do promise a full report including all who attend, however.

  42. sweet. party in your head. 😉 sounds like someone is going to be bringing the big drugs.

    it’s going to get ca-raaaaazy!

  43. Count me in…but do I have to wear shoes?

  44. a lurker, you can count me in. although i don’t know whether you want to be a member of a club i could join. or something like that.

  45. Hmm … I seek out conflict because I’m a sick and nasty biotch.

    Also – I have decided that trolls are the sign of a successful blog. That’s what I tell myself, anyway, ’cause I have a ton of ’em.

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