Mommypie risks death (and a fine) for a flower.

Last night, after work, I picked up MP and took her on a spur-of-the-moment two-hour mountain hike. The trail we chose cut through rocky and woody terrain alike. MP’s agility and endurance blew me away. Figuratively AND literally. Nothing will hammer home the stark reality of the sorry shape of your ass quicker than a four-year-old JOGGING ahead of you, up a MOUNTAIN.

After making it to the top (which, I’m tellin’ you, HAS to be some kind of record for her age), and relishing her accomplishment for a good amount of time, we began our decent. The path was framed by an almost unreal number of wildflowers. The surrounding terrain was a blanket of orange, pink, purple and blue. And I KNEW we weren’t supposed to pick. But temptation got the better of me, and by the time the two of us reached the trailhead we had amassed two spectacular and highly illegal bouquets punishable in these parts by a hefty fine.

Getting our booty off the mountain was no easy task. Guiltily, I TRIED to conceal our pickin’s from other trailblazers (or fellow “ROCK stars, heh heh,” according to MP). Not so easy with a preschooler wildly waving her bunch ‘o flowers like a deranged ringleader.

At any rate, we made it. Once home, Grammy quickly identified each species, save for a few. One in particular stood out. The centerpiece of my arrangement. She looked it up. She found it.

Mountain DEATH Camas
Death camases contain an alkaloid that is extremely toxic and has been responsible for the death of livestock, especially sheep, and humans. American Indians and early settlers were poisoned by mistaking the bulbs of these plants for the edible bulbs of camas.

Beautiful. The Flower of Death went immediately into the garbage. My hands went immediately into the sink to be repeatedly washed with antibacterial soap. If it’s been awhile, and you haven’t heard from me Doogs, the Death Camas did me in.

Which would suck. But if that turns out to be the case, have no doubt, I’ll be on the other side with one of those bad boys behind my ear, laughing in the face of … stupidity.


Filed under Thrilled to Pieces

24 responses to “Mommypie risks death (and a fine) for a flower.

  1. Why is it not okay to pinch flowers off the mountain?

    And I would be washing my hands elenty hundred times too.

  2. I should’ve explained that — it’s illegal to pick wildflowers on state or federal land — at least here in Sound of Music Land …

  3. KD

    First off good for you for going hiking! Dang I am so lazy….

    The flowers are beautiful! Even if some were deadly!

  4. pretty arrangement! but really those flowrs just grow everywhere? that’s reallly scary!

  5. oktree

    Gorgeous and worth the near-death experience and the burning lungs!

  6. littlemansmom

    You rebel you……LOL… for the death flowers…OUCH!

    The bouquet is beautiful! 🙂

  7. So beautiful. And go MP! Hiking is a blast. Except going down, that’s when my knees always protest the loudest.

    Illegally gotten gains are always the best I say. And I should know. It’s against the law to pick up anything, even so much as a rock along our coastline here. And do you think I can resist the call of a beautiful seashell, or sand dollar?

    I figure, at this point, I owe lobster-land enough to help make a healthy contribution to the national deficit.

  8. My quads are screaming just THINKING about you hiking up that mountain and picking flowers!!!

  9. A spontaneous hike up a mountain with a 4-year-old? Criminy. You’re brave.

  10. No wonder you couldn’t resist–that’s a great arrangement.

  11. I took a spontaneous hike once – it resulted in my eyes swelling shut, a non-stop sneeze attack, and me crying and pleading to get me the HELL home! If I want to enjoy nature it has to be planned and heavily drugged.

    Death Camas!? How scary. MP didn’t pick any, I hope? You are so lucky that you are okay.

  12. NOOO, thank goodness, MP didn’t pick any of the Death Flowers.

    I should have known better … something was off. There’s were so few of them, and they were kind of hard to spot. Something that elusive in nature is usually either REALLY good or REALLY bad.

  13. another co-worker

    Ok, you pick the flower of death and you worry about ME being contagious? Puh-leeze.

  14. Dude. Stay in your office.

  15. Those flowers are beautiful… I’d have picked them too!

    I love kids energy… good on her for climbing up and down the mountain. I’m pooped just reading about it.

  16. I climbed a stairway, once. There were no flowers at the top. I incurred no fines and only minimal injuries.

  17. QB

    I am very proud of you for coming with us! We had a great time, even if we did charge ahead.

    Another~ Dude, seriously, I agree: STAY IN YOUR OFFICE!

  18. Sooooo, when I send flowers for your funeral service I’m thinking Death Camas is not a good idea?

  19. i’m picturing you and MP running across a grassy glade (the hills are alive)…

    how lucky are you to have the flower of death in your very midst?

  20. Well, the non-toxic flowers are lovely!

  21. Deadly flowers? Pure craziness! I would have probably reacted the same way you did.

  22. another co-worker

    How ’bout I just go home? A-holes.

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