This just in: Bought MP a new pair of white tennies. Within eight hours, she’d stepped in dog poo. Just like Alanis Morrisette and that ray-ee-ain on her wedding day.
This just in: I’m SO diggin’ ‘Douche.’ As in ‘Douchebag.’ It’s crass. I don’t wanna let it go. It’s perfect. Why else would young boys everywhere claim it as their primary sound effect? DOUCHE. 10 points.
This just in: Denise Richards and her new single mom TV show? Douche. (I rest my case.)
This just in: Only one sticker has fallen off Bossman’s car. To the best of my knowledge, he’s still driving around with one on his driver’s side mirror. Excellent.
This just in: Mommypie did NOT, in fact, have a heart attack last month. After a lengthy doctor’s appointment which included multiple lab tests, symptoms were determined to be a result of ACID REFLUX DISEASE. Yay. Unpleasant, but waaay better than the alternative. Thanks Doogs for all your support through my [tragically Clooney-less] ER episode.
This just in: My Economic Stimulus Check. Yeeeee Hoo!
Aaaannd, drum role please …
This just in: Holy crap! I MADE THE LOCAL NEWS!