I Don’t Have ADD, But By Golly If I Did …

Mommy Bloobs. Is this a Mommy Blog with Boobs Combo? I’m dying to know, because someone keeps searching for it and winding up here. Which leads me to believe it’s not a typo. And if I’m missing the boat on a whole new slang opportunity, I’ll be sad.

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A special shout out to my co-works who failed to notify me I walked around ALL DAY yesterday with a big ‘ole Woman Stain on my butt. I’d like to think the only reason you DIDN’T tell me is because you don’t regularly look at my butt. You’ll be happy to know, the pants were,in fact, clean. I haven’t worn them for awhile because honestly, I thought I had lost them somehow.  (Possibly misplaced between the shuttle to and from the gym — where I go soooo often — and my boyfriend Andy Garcia’s place.) So imagine my joy when I found them in a pile this weekend. I washed them. And failed to notice said stain. Which means I failed to properly apply stain reMOVER. Which means stain remained. Which is probably why they’d been in a pile in the first place.

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And an extra special shout out to one co-work in particular who greeted me this morning with a cheery, “Hey! Happy Last Day of Being 39!” ‘Cause 40 can’t get here soon enough. Just for that you ARE taking me out for cocktails tonight.

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15 Comments

Filed under Bits and Pieces

15 responses to “I Don’t Have ADD, But By Golly If I Did …

  1. awwww… B*e*tches!

    and congrats on turning the big 4-0. is your bday really tomorrow?

    and WTF with people not telling you that you had a GIRLY STAIN on your pants?!

    (btw, i’ve walked around the office ALL DAY with a milk stain on the calf of my pants before… SO PISSED when i got home and looked in the mirror. one of you could have TOLD me that i have a giant white spot on the leg of my black pants!)

    gawd, i hate people…

  2. Yep – the big 4-0. Tomorrow. Haven’t quite digested that one yet … Just doesn’t seem POSSIBLE.

  3. Wow….remind me to ask you how it feels as I am hitting for….f…fo…oh hell, THAT NUMBER…in November. *lol*

    Mommy stains….oh greebers can I tell you about mommy stains. Not so long ago I was wearing a pale blue tee and walked into Macy’s (Why does God hate me? It HAD to be Macy’s?) and little did I know, I was sporting two HUGE wet milk stains right where my boobs are…because of course we are STILL nursing and probably will be until the Little Imp goes to her Senior Prom. Anyhow, I assumed the woman who was ringing up my purchase was a lesbian because she kept staring at my boobs…when I walked out to my car I happened to notice my reflection along with those lovely wet spots in the car windows.

    Tis a sad thing really…I can never, no not EVER go into that Macy’s ever again.

    But I don’t know if I would have been MORE mortified had the lady said something right then and there.

  4. That’s priceless! My question is, why wouldn’t someone TELL you this? There’s no way that woman could’ve been a mother …

    Well, I would’ve told you. 🙂

  5. Well Happy Birthday! Mine’s on Friday. Does that mean you’re a Taurus too?

    Recently I was at the gas station and this woman came in and she had a tear in her dress. My gawd! The underwear this woman had on. It was a cheetah print and it covered her rump entirely. I thought, I need to tell this woman. It would be really uncool to let people see that hideous pair of underwear she has on.

    So I went up to her and whispered in her ear that she had a tear in her dress and she was exposing herself to the world. She said to me, “Oh thank God I have my bathing suit on huh?”

  6. I am obsessed with having leakage, etc. Always checking myself when I stand up. Shame on them for not telling you.

  7. Happy Early B’day! Hope you’ve got something fun planned Mommy Bloob.

    BTW, I noticed the stain, but thought you WANTED it there!

  8. PJ Momma — Tauruses (is that right?) RULE! And the bathing suit thing — hilarious. Where are people like YOU when I’m walking around with stain pants?

    Kendra — I agree. SHAME co-works. Shame.

    RH — Thanks for the bday wishes! As for the stain — perfect! Just what I was going for …

  9. Hey MommyPie and PJMomma — mine’s on Monday. Taurses unite! Happy Birthdays all around.

    Also: shameful people for not telling you about the stains. I say you make that Jessica Seinfeld recipe for brownies laced with spinach, and then don’t tell them when they walk around all day with green stuff in their teeth. Be sure to plan a meeting or presentation where they’ll all have to speak in front of a group.

    I know. I’m not a nice person sometimes.

  10. I say you make that Jessica Seinfeld recipe for brownies laced with spinach

    Yeah, spinach. That’s what you should put in it. *cough

  11. MT and PJM — How crazy is that? All within six days! I knew there was a reason I liked you guys …

    Spinach brownies … hmmm, that Jessica Seinfeld comes up with some doozers. (PJM, it IS green … )

  12. Oh wow, and here I thought I’d missed only one day at your blog. Where the hell have I BEEN? So, happy birthday, although I suspect (I haven’t scrolled up) that there’s probably a post there for it, so I’ll just have to say it there, too.

    Dear God I’m boring.

    Also? WOMAN STAIN had me very concerned. If it was what I thought you meant it was, I might have to quit that job. I’m easily mortified in person.

  13. Hope it was a wonderful, wonderful day!!!

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