More Wankers. Now With Nobs.

I don’t know what’s come over me. I’m thinking it was watching The Holiday for the bazillionth time the other night. And that smooth and easy-on-the-eyes Jude Law.

Or maybe it was MommyTime at Mommy’s Martini’s post yesterday about Jane Eyre. All that romancin’ on the misty moors and such.

And believe it or not, as I type this, I’m actually sitting here eating an English muffin. An English muffin, people. Well, my second English muffin. For dinner. All I need is some wine and a ciggie and voila! Bridget Jones.

Guessed it yet?

Yeah, Baby. I’m keepin’ the Wanker post goin’.

All your fantastic comments on Wanker One yesterday (not to mention additions to my urban dictionary) compel me to continue.

Auds at Barking Mad and her British hubs take the Comment Collaboration Cake though. And possibly win the Cutest Blogga Couple Award. And rather than risk you NOT scrolling down and reading their hilarious and highly informative comments, I think they merit a post all their very own.

In response to my call for British slang and profanities, here’s what Mr. Auds had to say:

This is Auds’ other ‘arf.

Have you ever considered the delightful lilt of the word “nob”? No? How about the phrase “you’re a right plonker!” (note: that’s right plonker, not left plonker).

Then, progressing upscale, we have the “dickhead”, the “tosser” and last, but not least, the “complete fuckwit”.

If I can think of any more, I’ll let you know.


Auds followed up with this:

I know my hubby (the Brit) will leave a comment as he was just chuffed to bits (see there’s another one! you never know where they will crop up) to see your post…and being that it made me smile, he was even keener to come out and say hello.

The thing about British slang is that A LOT of it only sounds good coming out of a Brit’s mouth. For instance, although I use it more than I should (and I know, I SHOULDN’T) I say f*ckwit when I’m really upset with other drivers…and it just sounds funny coming out of my very Yankee mouth, whereas with the hubby (who ONLY says it when steam is coming out his ears, seriously), it sounds completely normal.

Knackered – when you are really tired/exhausted.

Slag – some might call Britney this one. Paris Hilton also qualifies as does LiLo (Lohan).

Blimey – another one that should really only be said by a Brit or one who can do a passable job at sounding like one.

Arse – obvious enough

Salad dodger – an overweight person (probably not politically correct, but it’s still funny, especially considering I fit the term)

Scrummy – delicious!

Slapper – a ho bag – see slag above.

Pissed – drunk (the first time I went to the UK and was mildly intoxicated someone asked me if I was pissed and I said – “hardly!” thinking they meant, was I angry.

Have a bat in the cave – something I say to the little imp when she has boogers after a cold – “come here Impish one, let me get the bats outta your cave!”

There are tons more but not that I can think of off the top of my head.

Great post. Thanks for the smiles….I really needed it!


Love it.

And the topper? Check this awesomeness out. Even MORE wankage. If you feel ambitious … or just aimless … take a looksie and share your translation.

Oh, I’m having fun.

Image borrowed from this guy.


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14 responses to “More Wankers. Now With Nobs.

  1. Can someone please pass me the Colin Firth?

  2. “apples and pears” = stairs (see, it rhymes…) Here’s a whole dictionary of Cockney Rhyming Slang, just in case you don’t have anything else to do for the next 27 hours:

    Reading this makes me all nostalgic for my young, single, and fancy-free days…

  3. That translator is the funniest thing! I used to have a link to an ebonics/urban one, but can’t find it…but the British one beats it, hands down!

    Oh about the “nob” thing…you can use it just about anywhere….you can call someone a nob – it’s NOT a compliment, but not as bad as wanker, or you can say, in response to someone asking if you’ll be somewhere, you could say; “with nobs on”…although personally I don’t think I’ve ever said that, even after living in the UK for as long as I did. However, I routinely refer to people who irritate me as nobs, or numpties.

    One word of caution….

    Quite frequently Brits will refer to someone as a T***…you KNOW the word I am referring to. Don’t do it…just don’t. It doesn’t sound remotely normal, just plain foul, coming out of a Yankee mouth. But for some reason it’s almost funny to hear the Brits use it. It’s totally normal. And it’s even funnier because the pronunciation isn’t the same as American. They say it was a short ‘a’ rather than how we pronounce it, more like an ‘au’ sound.

    Right then…this cheeky cow needs to get her smarmy arse up and get on with a bit of work. Then I’m off to the shoppes to get a few things so we can have bangers and mash for tea tonight!



  4. Oh, tooo funny. Who knew. I’m learning. Every day.

  5. Hubs and I love watching British comedies just to hear the slang and accent. Everything sounds better coming out of their mouths, ya know?

  6. PJM – Yeah, why IS he the first actor I think of when I think of English? Seriously.

    MommyTime – Apples, pears, stairs …. aaahhh, yeess, of course … Thanks for the link – I know what I’ll be doing tonight!

    Auds – Thanks for the heads up – I’d never use the T word, so I’m good there. (It’s just ick, no?)

    That Fam – If those two taught a class, I’d take it.

    Tamra – How true it is.

  7. Well, now I guess I don’t really need to go to England.

    ; )

    That was a great run, and I may have to use the bat in a cave one around my house. Someone’s always bothering the bats in my house.

  8. You know, when I ordered that license plate I had no idea “Git” was a British slang term. Where I’m from (think Texas/South/red neck), “Git” = “Get”. It wasn’t until I posted about the plates on my blog that I found “git” was British slang for a “contemptible person”.

    Glad you got some use out of it! Great blog you have here!

  9. Hi, I just wandered into your blog via Fussy…this is too funny. Quite a learning session for me…don’t worry, I had my notepad and pen ready!

  10. I love it! I’m a Brit wanna be, so I’ll be stealing all of these for my daily usage! ::SMILES:: BTW, it took me FOREVER to figure out what T*** was. I’m sad, I know.

  11. I had a British suitor once. Very upper-crust, worked in the finance world. Met him in an airport where we were both on the same flight that was delayed 6 hours. A few months later, after emails and hell-expensive phone calls, I flew over to London for a visit.

    Imagine my face when he commented one day as we were picnicking on some little stream, “you’re so horny”. I mean, what? Maybe, but isn’t that my call to make?

    So the second time he said it, again in a completely out of context situation, I finally asked what the hell THAT was supposed to mean. Apparently, it just means hot! And now that I think about it, I can just imagine Austin Powers smirking, “you’re so horny, baby”. At least Austin had hair!

  12. Okay, that’s hilarious! That would be a tough one to get used to …

  13. My husband is a Brit, so I’ve picked up all kinds of great Limey slang. I have to say though, that I’ve never heard of a Salad Dodger before. I like that one! HAHA.

    I threw a party a few years ago for British “Boxing Day” and everyone had Cockney Rhyming Slang name tags. They were hilarious. “Marble Slabs” is crabs. “Two Bob Bit” is shit. “Tia Maria” is diarrhea. And so on… mine was “Dolly Mixtures” for pictures, since I’m a photographer! 🙂 Good times, good times!

  14. Ha Ha! More British wanabe kindred spirits! Why do we think their expressions are so cool? I love arse because it allows me to tell my 5 year old to get his ass upstairs and clean up his rooms without worrying about social services. And f*ckwit…I’m gonna start saying that one right now!

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