The Worst Mom in the World

I am the worst mom ever.


We’ve gotten into a little weekend routine here at the Pie House that lately, I have to admit, has left me feeling a bit ashamed. MP wakes up around 8 a.m., at which time I get up, hose her off in the tub (not quite gettin’ the whole ‘making it through the night’ potty training thing juuust yet), get her dressed, brush her teeth, set her up with some juice, toast, granola bar, etc., turn on Noggin … and go back to bed.

Horrible. I know. I know!

Now here’s me, [pathetically] trying to justify my actions …

– The tv/family room is literally RIGHT outside my door, which remains open
– It’s healthy for her to learn the fine art of entertaining oneself
– I’m a better mom when I can get a little extra sleep
– I never FULLY fall back asleep, and can usually hear everything

Okay, I take that last one back. Here’s what I woke to a few months ago … an activity I did NOT hear:


Thank you, Jesus, for washable markers.

So this morning, I sleep a bit later than usual, re-awake just before 10, and realize it’s a little too quiet. I figure she’s probably working on another self-adornment project. It’ll wash off. I fade in and out of sleep for a few minutes, trying to drag my butt out of bed. The phone vibrates on my nightstand. Peering over with one eye half-open, I see my mother’s photo on the cell face. I put it down, and wait for the message. Thirty seconds elapses before it arrives. I dial my code, and hear MP’s tiny voice leaving an unintelligible message on my voice mail.


I bolt out of bed, my brain lagging behind my body, trying to catch up and connect the dots. I speed dial Grammy, and MP answers.

“Hi Mommy! I’m sorry.”

I need to clarify that my mom in fact, lives just a few hundred feet away. We live down a long dirt drive, on a small bit of acreage, with virtually no neighbors. Think Everybody Loves Raymond. With a rural flair.

Which may sound better, but knowing that MP put on coat and boots, unlocked and opened the front door, and trekked across the snow to Grammy’s house without me hearing a thing confirms it …

I AM the worst mom in the world.

Apparently, she had written a letter while I was sleeping, and just wanted to give it to Grammy. I wasn’t mad at her – I was furious at myself. Add embarrassed, ashamed, horrified … Grammy got on the phone and told me they were on their way back.

After a serious five-minute discussion about leaving the house without telling Mommy, she asked if she could go back to play at Grammy’s. Which left me alone to think about MY actions.

Definitely NOT one of my shining motherhood moments.

A little extra sleep on the weekends will just have to wait a few more years. Period.

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Filed under No Piece

11 responses to “The Worst Mom in the World

  1. Thank GOD you wrote about this…just this morning Benjamin woke up at 5:45 a.m.!!!! What the the hell? Seriously? Does any human wake up…no, they put the T.V. on – which I did. Slept on the couch and slept while he watched Pooh, over and over again. Thanks!!! I don’t feel so horrible now…and don’t even try to tell me poor married wives don’t do this too while they’re fricking husbands/ fathers are asleep! It’s a human thing… the married people just don’t admit it. And b/f technology the kids were probably put in the playroom w/ some wood toys. Love it!…as always. Ms. Single Mama

  2. mommypie

    5:45??!? Ugh – I’m so sorry. I can’t tell you HOW HAPPY I am to know I’m not the only one!! I’ve had some serious guilt about the whole going back to sleep thing, and since this morning’s episode, have developed a major ‘failure as a mother’ complex … Thank you MSM!

  3. sandiegomomma1

    You are NOT the only one.

    The only difference b/w you and me is that I don’t get my kids dressed, feed them, brush their teeth and hose them off first.

    I hope my deficiencies as a mother make you feel better. 🙂

  4. mommypie

    I love you San Diego Momma.

  5. Candy

    I do the same thing, except i lay on the couch while he watches tv. also, once he learned to open the door, i added a chain lock up high where he counldn’t reach.

  6. mommypie

    I am so loving you ALL!

    Great idea Candy – I’ve actually thought about doing the same thing … MP’s quite the climber, and has a tendency to stack things dangerously high to reach stuff, sooooo … maybe that would be worse.

    This whole thing started with me out on the couch and slowly graduating to the bed. This morning, I went back to the couch, which wasn’t as restful, but gave me more peace of mind, that’s for sure!

  7. Thanks to this post I felt less guilt than usual this afternoon when I took an impromptu nap on the couch (that I swear I could not control). Benjamin entertained himself and let me sleep. It was actually really cute – he’s been fabulous lately!!!

  8. Yes, we married mommies do the same thing. Just the other morning, when Little Monster got up at 6:00AM on Saturday, I brought him to bed and turned on PBS Sprout. He sat between the two of us and zoned out on Thomas the Train… On days when Not the Momma works, I’ll let him play in his baby-proofed room, and doze on the couch in the next room. It keeps him from honking my nose while I nap. Mommies have the art of wakeful unconsciousness. That’s what I call that sleeping when you’re really not sleeping. 🙂

  9. mommypie

    Isn’t Sprout the best? Big fan of the Good Night Show.

    It dawned on me the other day that I used to dream all the time, but since giving birth — hardly at all. Must be that wakeful unconsciousness keeping the REM sleep at bay … Thanks Mary!

  10. thetick

    Yup! had to get mine at the neighbors one morning. So much for Dad-of-the-year.


    So I found your blogs a couple of days ago and in an effort to make since of them I started reading the old ones first. (I also find them all extremely entertaining and can relate to so many since I have a crazy five year old lol). But I am so glad I read this one, I really needed to see it. Two years ago I was working second shift and NEVER getting enough sleep. As a single momma of a then 3 year old the duty of getting up at THE CRACK OF DAWN lol was left soley to me. At the time I lived next door to an elementary school with 2 playgrounds. So one morning I get up to discover the back door wide open and my son is nowhere to be found. Naturaly I panic run outside and start screaming for him like a madwoman. I decide to run over to the school and see if they have seen any sign of a three year old wondering around.(At this point I am balling and close to hyperventillating) when I walk in the office there is my son barefoot wearing tighty whiteys with short around his waist like a belt in a failed attempt to put them on lol, a big blue sweatshirt, holding a Thomas Train. The school acted like I was the worst mother in the world and although friends and family have assured me otherwise, I have always carried the guilt that a “real mother” a “good have it all together mother” would never experience that. So seeing that Mommypie and several other “good mommies” have experienced this in some form, made my feel so much better.

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