Tag Archives: single parent

It’s raining men. And I want to crawl under my desk.

I don’t know WHAT the hell’s goin’ on but the past few weeks there’s been a run on fix-ups in Pie Town. Apparently, someone designated it Mommypie Needs A Date month.

Which has led me to declare it Mommypie Is A Stress Case month.

Because Mommypie doesn’t really WANT a date. At least not at this juncture. And you better believe that KILLS my mother.

The first guy is a local attorney, 10 years my senior. I’ve met him a few times before at work functions. Nice enough. He ran for a judge seat last year, and lost. His chosen political party is … not mine. And being older and pickier (meaning that “they like me” is no longer a good enough reason to date someone), all the above could easily be enough to rule him out.

But ACW (Another Co-Worker) mentioned she saw a large tattoo on his lower leg at our recent golf tourney, so, I agreed to meet him for lunch Tuesday. Or Wednesday. I can’t remember, but I wrote it down. And I’m DREADING it. Because, while I don’t want to rule anything out, I don’t want to waste anyone’s time either. I’m going to try to go into it with an open mind. It’s just lunch right? RIGHT??

The other guy is a baseball scout, also about 10 years older than me. Definitely scoring higher on the cool job scale, if that counts for anything. He doesn’t live in this state, but travels here frequently. I have NO idea what he looks like. He’s sent two emails. I sent one, somewhat terse, “nice to meet you” email. He wants to get together later this month when he’s in town. I haven’t answered.

Argh. I AM totally grateful for such wonderful friends who care so much about my happiness. I find it funny that in this case, the two doing the setting up were two GUYS. And I know I’m a little unconventional. But I love the life MP and I have. Just the two of us.

And now, I want to hide. I want to crawl under my desk and hide. Which I’ve actually done on more than one occasion. Just out of college, I was working two jobs to make ends meet — a 9 to 5 job all day while waiting tables all night. I was exhausted. For awhile there, I’d actually crawl under my desk, lie down and sleep when my bosses were at lunch. I kept a pillow in my office and everything. Okay, a seat cushion, but still. Remember the Seinfeld episode where George slept under his desk at work? That was totally me.

Which sounds so much better than a lunch date small talk torture session. Hep me Rhonda.

32 Comments

Filed under No Piece

Pay no attention to the drunk preschooler.

Co-worker: Did you get my birthday party invitation?

Me: Yeah, I just opened the email.

CW: Just a head’s up — if you want, you can bring MP, but we have animals. Lotsa fur flyin’. So, if she’s allergic …

Me: Oh, she should be fine. Fur’s not the big problem. It’s mostly the lickers.

(blank stare)

Me: She gets hives.

(pause)

CW: Um … how do you … know she’s allergic to alcohol?

Me: Wha?

(pause)

CW: Oooooh, I get it. LICKERS.

Me: Yeah … dogs that lick …

(pause)

(pause)

Me: DUDE. Not LIQUOR. LICKER. CK.

CW: Cool. Cleo’s not a licker. She’s a poo-eater.

Me: Excellent.

(pause)

Me: That’s SO going on the blog.

CW: Yeah.

28 Comments

Filed under Piecing it Together

The cut that’ll sweep the doggie fashion world.

So, the dog.

I have to admit, she’s making it hard not to fall in love with her.

I’ll ALSO admit, however, I’m definitely struggling with some OCD madness. I can’t stop fixating on the food that gets stuck in the long fur around her mouth. Or the white fur that’s gradually becoming stained below her chin. When she poos, all I think about is that long fur. Don’t even try to convince me the poo don’t stick. There’s got to be some transference goin’ on. And that her fur is turning more and more yellow each time she pees? Seriously. I got issues.

I think I’ll take her to the groomer. And ask for the Orifice Cut. High and tight around the mouth, peehole and butthole. That way there’s no opportunity for fur to harbor any kind of … crap. Which is then tracked into the house. All over the carpet. And up on MP’s bed.

You have to understand. I don’t even allow shoes to be worn in the house. It’s just way too gross for me. And now all I can think of are the millions of minute turd particles that are tracked in every time the dog does her bidness.

You don’t have to tell me I’m a freak. I’m WELL aware of my ridiculousness. I’m just hoping eventually I’ll get over it. I’m really trying. Because Rosie IS sweet. And MP loves her with the passion of an only child.

And there are some killer dog toys out there.

Seriously. I’m trying.

25 Comments

Filed under Piece of My Mind

Dog, Unexpected.

We now have a dog.

Which I nearly just forgot.

But then I got a tiny little whiff of puppy smell and remembered the black and white ball of fluff lying on the carpet just below my feet. As I write this, our new family member has been with us just over 24 hours and I’m EXHAUSTED.

Poppy surprised us with the tiny 12-week-old bundle of fur when we stopped by after work Thursday. A Shih-Tzu. Precisely the kind of dog I would NEVER choose. I don’t even know if that’s how you spell it.

She’s a Foo-Foo Grandma Lap Dog. Walking cotton candy. But she’s “hypoallergenic,” doesn’t shed, and MP’s in love with the wet-nosed new addition. And she IS incredibly sweet …

I’ll post some pics this weekend and let you know how it’s going. I’m barely functioning as I type this, and SO need to go to bed, but I feel like a new mother all over again — unsure when she needs to pee; stressin’ about the co-sleeping question, yadda yadda yadda. MP DID name her today, though. Rose. Rosie.

A dog. Wow.

13 Comments

Filed under A Little Piece of My Heart

Playing ketchup. With mustard and onions.

I have so much to catch up on blogwise, workwise, lifewise. And trying to squeeze actual SLEEP in somewhere … CHAH. I apologize to all my blog buddies for being MIA lately — I’ll be back making the rounds soon. I’m just a bit sleep-deprived and crazy at the moment. Outstanding items include:

1. Auds’ Dinner Party Post. I swear, Auds, it’s coming. I may even do TWO to make up for my tardiness. Narrowing down the guest list is hard but I’m ALMOST there. Swear on MP’s Scooby Snacks. Which is what I’m bringing, btw.

2. Sharing the love. Lately I’ve been bestowed some pretty great awards by some pretty great bloggers. I need to tell you all about it and pass ‘em on. Not to mention update my pathetic sidebar. Oh, and MEMES. Still have a few hangin’ out there.

3. Chronicle. Things like last week’s swim lessons. And last weekend’s boating excursion. And Bobo flagging down ANYONE to come get us out of the middle of the LAKE as we took on water. And the start of MP’s gymnastics in a few days. And my Olympic aspirations. And MP’s outta control eczema explosion.

4. MORE Hawaii. Speaking of explosions, I STILL have to tell you about the volcano. Because, seriously, how often am I going to walk on old lava flows and inhale VOG. (Volcano + Fog = VOG. Shockingly, this is a word I did NOT make up.) In the dark with flashlights, no less.

5. Men coming out of the woodwork. Suddenly, all my friends have decided to have their single guy friends CALL me. And EMAIL me. Complete strangers. I have reacted as only I know how — sticking my fingers in my ears and singing “LA LA LA LA I CAN’T HEEEEAR YOU” at the top of my VOG tainted lungs.

6. Guest Posts. I’ll be over at McMommy‘s sometime this week. And at Co-Worker QB’s place. McMommy’s post is ready to go, but QB, gotta tell ya, I have NO idea what will fly out of my butt. Consider yourself forewarned.

6. Work. I scored a very cool freelance job! And all because of the blog! It’s only about eight hours of work, but totally up my alley. Oh yeah — it’s due in the morning.

Which is my cue to get back on it …

zzzzzzz

11 Comments

Filed under Bits and Pieces

A diamond is forever. So’s that chocolate stuck to my butt.

Last night was my monthly networking cocktaily thing. Every four weeks it’s hosted by a different area business — this month it was hosted by a jeweler. Whoever thought this one up is nothing short of genius. Offer 20 different wines to 100 women, some with their spouses, get them loaded and provide the perfect setting for impulse shopping.

And, just to ensure your prey is feelin’ good and primed to buy, offer this.

I’ll have an extra shot of endorphins, please?

In addition to Co-worker, my good friend Megan and I spent a LOT of time admiring these beauties, made by a local chocolatier. Come to think of it, we paid more attention to the chocolate than the jewelry. Which is good for my overdrawn bank account. Not so good for my arse.

Someone plays dirty.

23 Comments

Filed under Party Piece

From the minute she woke up.

Mama, when we go to Hawaii can we see the dolphins? Because I love dolphins. They’re my FAVORITE. And can I get a blue Hawaii skirt? And a pink one. Cause I only have GREEN. Mama? Did you see any coconuts when you were in Hawaii? Can we put a straw in them and drink the milk when we go there? And can we have one of these pinecones? [Now looking at Oriental Trading Company catalog] I mean pineAPPLES. Is there a wishing well around here? Cause, wishing wells make all your wishes come true. And Mama? Cameron and Kamber have monkey aminal hats, and I want one too. Can I have the horsey one pleeeeaaaaseee? The sun is really hot today. Is it almost winter? By August, the tomatoes will be covered with snow! And the tomatoes will eat it all up. ‘Cause ya know, tomatoes have to EAT? And can I have that bag? The one the lady in the picture has? So I can take it to Hawaii? And put Gingy [her stuffed dog] in it? Ya know, I wish for a lot lately. And can I have my own ki-tar? I would like a musical instrument. I see two different ones. One is pink and one is blue. They’re almost the same. See Mama? I would like the purple because purple is the beautifulist. Looks like it’s going to storm today. But the sun is still out.

Thanks for letting me have some of the stuff, Mama. It’s really nice to let people have the things they want. That means it’s sharing and helping out.

Right?

21 Comments

Filed under Bits and Pieces, Uncategorized