If karma exists, in my next life, I’m sure I’ll be a fly.

I was such a dude in a past life.

Given a choice, I’d rather drink beer.

I truly believe there may be nothing funnier on earth than a fart.

And war movies and sports movies are always guaranteed to make me cry.

Seriously. It’s quarter to one in the morning, I’m sitting here in The Big Chair (correctly referred to as a “chair and a half” which is accurate, but just not a cozy enough description for my beloved and well-loved Big Chair) watching some football flick with Dennis Quaid – which totally narrows it down, right? – and bawling my face off because not only is it a sports movie, but the protagonist dies of leukemia. Which, hello? SO not right.

It’s not over yet – maybe they can throw in a war scene – lots of guys dying in battle. And some tragic music. And the final scene from The Notebook for good measure. Because, you know, in THIS life I’m a chick.

Oh, here’s more proof of my past life — my newest obsession. After the internet, the BEST INVENTION EVAH.

ZapMaster

THE Cadillac of fly swatters. (Have I mentioned my intense hatred of flies and their poop-covered, hairy little legs? And the vomit spots they leave on my blinds?) The Boy and I happened upon this electric gem at a discount store in Connecticut. I loved it so much I went back the next week and bought six more – one for each member of the family … and a few extras for Christmas presents.

These guys SO need to market this on wedding registries — what other product on the market simultaneously keeps a home pest free AND promotes spousal bonding through cold-hearted, murderous good, wholesome entertainment?

Huh? *Elbow nudge* Am I right?

Electrocution. It’s never been so fun! (I ain’t in marketing for nuthin’.)

18 Comments

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18 responses to “If karma exists, in my next life, I’m sure I’ll be a fly.

  1. Mrs F with 4

    Oh, I HAVE one! They’re great… just, well, try not to swat a passing child with one. I swear, it was accidental, but I think he’s hurtling headlong towards a therapy appointment..

  2. Oh and I bet the smell of burnt fly wings is awesome!

  3. Angie

    Perfect!! If it makes you feel better – the girls were with the grandparents Saturday night and the hubby and I went to Ace and bought mouse traps and hobo spider traps. Told the guy at the register we were going home to kill stuff.

    Ah romance at it’s best….if only I’d have found one of these it would have been the perfect date!

  4. Amy

    We had one similar until my DH tried to upgrade the sting. It worked all of one day until he got ahold of it.

  5. Too funny, I’ve never heard of such a thing!

  6. justmeandthevoices

    That looks AWESOME!! Can I use it on my husband?

    • I honestly didn’t think HUMANS could get shocked until last night when MP was playing with it and gave herself a nice jolt.

      So to answer your question, let the electrocution commence.

  7. OHMYGOD I TOTALLY KNOW NOW WHAT YOUR WEDDING PRESENT WILL BE. This is great. I can’t wait.

    Be scared.

  8. eastbaypos

    Those football protagonists war heroes ALWAYS die from a blood disease.

    Also, not kidding…as I was reading this, a poopy fly flew INTO MY HAIR THE LITTLE BASTARD and I couldn’t believe me luck to find this electric fly swatter thingie.

  9. Apparently now I am “eastbaypos.”

    Whatever WordPress.

  10. I have 3 of these babies sitting around my house…one of them is even the forign variety (you know, with the wierd 2-pronged plug). Best. Present. EVER! Hours of murderous, electrical fun for the whole family!

  11. “Hey kids, don’t bite it!”

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