Adding to my colorful history with delivery men …

I’m completely MORTIFIED.

MORtified.

So, I’ve been sick going on three weeks now, right? After going back and forth between head cold/stomach flu/head cold/stomach flu, the bug has settled into a melon-splitting sinus infection which absolutely REFUSES to go away. Read, no health insurance at the moment. The constant pain between my eyes is excruciating. And now, MP has it — Booger Light with a side of cough and smoker’s voice.

So you get it. I’m exhausted. I haven’t showered in two days. I haven’t brushed my teeth all day. I’m a mess. Today, MP and I holed up and played hooky.

The Boy calls and I mention how good a Domino’s pizza sounds, but they don’t deliver to my house and sadly, there’s no way I’m going ANYWHERE looking like Danny Partridge. Keep in mind, The Boy’s 2,300 miles away, all the way across the country.

A few minutes later, I get a text. “Pizza’s on it’s way. Put on a hat!” I think, “Awww, how sweet! How romantic!” assuming he must have called a pizza place that DOES deliver. And now I don’t have to worry about making dinner! I’m in Heaven. I have the BEST fiance EVAH.

Thirty minutes later, there’s a knock at the door. I throw on a hat, grab a few bucks for tip, open the door, and standing there IS THE BOY’S FATHER. Holding a Domino’s pizza box.

And I want to DIE.

Remember, this IS The Boy’s hometown, so his family is still here. And now his dad, who I’ve spent limited time with, is on my doorstep, looking at me. And I’m looking at him.

I’m braless, I’m makeup-less. The house is a wreck, there are laundry piles everywhere, it’s 5 p.m. and I’m still in my PJs. I cover my mouth and hide my face, sure my breath will knock the poor man clear off the porch. MP comes to my side, also in her PJs. Which are stained with food from lunch. Did I mention she’s wearing plastic purple dress-up heels? And her hair hasn’t been combed all day?

We chat for a few minutes — I have no idea what I’m saying. I’m too busy trying to simultaneously obscure my face AND the view into the living room. I know I should invite him in, but can’t bear the thought. Better to appear rude than let him get TOO close a look at the state of my housekeeping skills. Or my face for that matter.

I know The Boy was being crazy thoughtful. But DUDE. I haven’t been THAT embarrassed since I greeted the UPS man at the door with my bare boob hanging out. Ah, the Newborn Breastfeeding Days …

The Boy’s goin’ DOWN.

22 Comments

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22 responses to “Adding to my colorful history with delivery men …

  1. Yeah you need to totally get him back for doing such a terribly thoughtful and sensitive, not to mention creative horrible thing to you. He totally sucks. I think you should send him a stripper to give him a lap dance with a 6 pack of beer to his work. That will really show him who is boss.
    :)

    Love ya both.

  2. Laughing at Marcy’s comment… and feeling it too. I have nothing more creative to suggest, but I do have a lot of sympathy for the weeks of sick. We had that at our house in the fall. It sucks. I hope you get better soon. And that your nose wasn’t too stuffy to taste the pizza. :)

  3. Michelle

    Well I must say that the boy is really ensuring a marriage that will last a lifetime because I am pretty sure you would have about 9 million readers come kick your ass 10 ways to Sunday if you ever let him go. He’s a cutie, he’s smart, he’s resourceful, and he’s got all sorts of minions to do his evil bidding… errr…. Domino’s delivering. Keeper if I ever did see one.

  4. Two things. One: he is a dad, you know. I’ll bet he’s even been barfed on. Twice, if it happened during the pizza delivery.

    Two: did you have a boob hanging out this time? Because this one would be harder to explain.

    Love and morphine to you,

    Laurie

  5. Finn

    If you had invited him in, he may have offered to do your dishes, or fold laundry, or something.

    This is so sweet, and I am feeling the mortification for you too. That would have been a hard one.

    The Boy is setting some pretty high expectations for all the readers’ significant others out there!

  6. I’m sure The Boy’s dad has been there, done that, seen it all and didn’t think anything of it. No worries.

    Hope you and MP are feeling better soon!

  7. awe. in the name of love!

  8. won

    Now I want a pizza.

    Oh heck…

  9. Melissa

    Ahhh, the boob comment was hilarious, laughed so hard my co-workers wanted to know what was up!

  10. I know that this mean, but I giggled a little. I think we’ve all been in this position once or twice. Or in my case, almost everyday. I have four kids and I’m currently taking care of my BFF’s 5 month old – that’s my excuse. I have a SIL who has 5 kids – her house is spotless….. but she also has a live-in.

  11. Hahaha don’t they know that’s how we rock it out west? Montana represent! :)

  12. Andi

    Ok, first of all, you’re adorable so I’m sure you looked far better than you thought you did. Second, isn’t The Boy AWESOME??? You got yourself a good one there, Mommypie!

  13. Nappy

    I must be in the wrong part of the country – where do I find a girlfriend who would even remotely consider sending me a stripper to give a lap dance?

  14. theboy

    MommyPie, the stripper just left! What a surprise! Thank you!

  15. Ah, your family just got a whole lot bigger. I heart you. But it’s hard to follow The Boy on this comment thread. What pressure.

  16. Nappy

    I’m soooo envious of you The Boy.
    …wondering if there are any sisters in the family?:)

  17. LOL……poor poor mommie-pie……

    I bet that you were rockin’ that look! LOL!

  18. theboy

    “The Boy’s” dad read this blog tonight. Just so you know. He couldn’t stop giggling! You made an old doctor happy!

  19. Oh, I feel your pain. This is my life on a regular basis. Feel better soon.

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