I apologize in advance.

There are a few words I absolutely cannot stand.

1. Moist. There’s no sugarcoating an adjective that simultaneously brings to mind the words “anal” and “brownies.”
2. Probe. That Ford ACTUALLY named a car this boggles the mind.
3. Lube. Just typing that was painful.

Even worse, I drive by this place every day.

lasign

So, I’m all for the poop humor, but I’m thinkin’ this clever tagline just reinforces a really, really poor name choice. (Apparently, Hershey Highway was taken.)

I know I’m not alone with the word thing. San Diego Momma doesn’t like CREAMY. I totally agree with this one. Creamy’s pretty rank. Every time my mom calls lotion “cream” I cringe. Come to think of it, my friend Hamster calls it “cream” too. Yech.

And I had a roommate in college who couldn’t handle the word DUMP. Naturally, every time I had to go, I announced I was going to take one. Loudly. And with glee.

(pause)

Is it just me or has this post taken a decidedly “Prison Bitch” turn for the worse?

Let’s keep it going … tell me YOUR worst and brighten my day.

40 Comments

Filed under Disturbing Piece

40 responses to “I apologize in advance.

  1. 3limes

    These are my worst words:

    pus, smegma, ointment, crud and also moist.

    On the other hand these are my favorite words!

    Mirth, rapture, breathless, amber.

    Hopefully those put better images in your mind.

  2. I feel that way about vomit. And vagina. I still call it a hoo-ha… or a pookie. Which cracks my 9-year-old up, since she has no trouble with the V word. I’m pathetic.

  3. Um, I agree with moist. It just sounds wrong. But I don’t have words, I just have a phrase, “Stick your finger in your eye.” I could puke (intentionally didn’t say the v word for Diane’s sake) right here on the spot.

  4. 3limes – Rapture. Love it.

    Diane – My mom can’t STAND the word vagina, and MP laughs at her too. :)

    QB — I’m touching my eye.

  5. Nappy

    I smell a stall.

    Trying to get us side tracked with a post about bodily functions just won’t work.

    There is absolutly nothing to say on the topic of bodily functions….except maybe….did you ever notice how men & women each make their own distinct noises?

    Kind of funny how boys always snicker as a room fills with methane. As for the noises girls make….I’m just afraid to ask, you can tell me later.

    But did you ever notice how if only one of a couple makes noises, they don’t get along very well together? Both can sing or neither is okay too, but solos just isn’t a welcome asset for a pair.

    Really twisted those word around huh? Turning ‘solo’, a word that describes a singular activity, plural. While talking about more than one person, yet describing the ‘asset’ as a single item.

    ….as I was saying, trying to sidetrack this highly educated group just won’t work!

    Speaking of stalls, I saw some creative writing the other day….

  6. DUDE. Am I THAT transparent??

  7. Eww. I totally forgot about probe and lube. I just flashed back to my last gyno exam.

    As for other words, I think that for me, moist and creamy about cover it.

  8. Panties. I hate that word.

    Even worse? Panty bin. Bleck. Allow me to use it in a sentence:

    “It’s Victoria’s Secret Semi-Annual sale, and everyone is rifling through the panty bin.”

  9. Michelle

    Cock and bush. Reminds me of bad 1980’s porn. Blech. Oh, and rubber too when refering to a condom.

    Incidentally, my Meme hates both the words, pits and booger. And we all think it’s really amusing to say them in her presence. Nothing like torturing your 85 year old grandmother, eh?

  10. Dude, I used to drive a Probe. There’s a sentence that will make you cringe.

    Oh dear, I just read the comment just above this, it startes out with the words “Cock and Bush” and I literally spit all over myself.

    I’m with your friend that hates the word Dump. And I also hate Piss. Ugh.

  11. Mo

    I’m no prude but I hate the word “piss” too. It’s just so crude (hey, lookit me rhyme!). I hate the words “panties” and “moist,” and hopefully no one will ever string any of those words together in the same sentence.

  12. Spew.
    Ugly, gross word that actually invokes my gag reflex just saying it. Or typing it.

    I have to go find crackers now.

  13. I will not reread this comment for fear of sounding out my “yucky” words.
    I hate:
    moist
    chunk
    creamy
    and if we are going with most hated topics…anything revolving around pimples, black heads, whiteheads, pus, fluid filled cysts or anything of that nature. Which is why I am not a doctor of any kind……
    okay I have to quit now, on a good note, I am not hungry for lunch..which will help this whole eating smaller portions thing I’m trying…

  14. Since I hate the sound of someone creasing paper so much, just looking at the word “crease” kinda makes me want to scream. Which is sad, because the Irish slang use of the word “crease” is actually pretty cool.

    Ex. “My Ma’d crease me if she found out.”

  15. Smegma is disgusting.

    C*nt – that is my least favorite word – I can’t even type it. It’s wretched.

  16. Nappy

    As I said, a highly educated group!

    Good thing you have something to read (these posts)while you’re listening to the exceptionally tall public speakers…cause ya know if you look at athletics too long the words moist and panties could become prominent in your daily life.

  17. Me

    Okay, Mommy Pie you have just given me the subject for my post today. Thank you.

  18. my MIL says “salve” all the time. often, when referring to my toddler’s diaper are. “is there some sort of SALVE you can use?” STFU! omg, it drives me IN F-ing SANE.

    (it’s pronounced “sav” for those of you who are not exposed to geriatrics on an almost daily basis. like, my grandpa used to ask if i had “mercuricrome” (iodine) to apply to a cut when i was a kid. it’s the same thing with salve.)

    okay, no one is going to get that reference. but, if you do, please call me.

  19. Those words are all the equivalent of nails on a chalkboard to me. What’s worse is when you’re speaking to someone who says “creamy” or “moist” and they have so much saliva in their mouth that you can hear it.

    Oh Gawwwddddd. Just writing that was agonizing!

  20. I agree with moist, cu*t and panty. Blech. Expunge is really gross.

  21. There’s a septic company around here with trucks painted with the headline “We’re No. 1 in the No. 2 Business.”

  22. Definitely . . .toss your cookies with barf a strong second. Yuck!

  23. I am trying to think of words that bother me and the only think I can come up with are words that are racially derogatory. I hate when people say “Those damn ……. fill in the word” hatred because of race or ethnic background really riles me up. I found it especially disturbing when I lived in South Africa and brown people were calling other brown people derogatory names because that had different ethnic backgrounds.

    This is totally more serious than your post -but you asked for it!

  24. I LOVE ALL OF THESE WORDS. And when I meet any of you in real life I am going to use them. All of them. A lot.

    Be looking for me at BlogHer 09, doogs. I’ll be the really moist and creamy one.

  25. SDM – The gyno. Good times.

    Jaci – Oooh, I hate panties too. I don’t know what it is — it’s creepy or something.

    Michelle – My grandpa couldn’t stand the word booger either. Apparently, back then, “boogering” was slang for two men doin’ the nasty. “Boogering??” Just makes me laugh.

    Blissfully Caffeinated — You DIDN’T. A PROBE?? So were you the butt of jokes, or what? (Badabump.)

    Melisssa – Once, in high school, I was standing at my locker, pulled my brush out of my backpack, started brushing my hair, and had no idea there was a ginormous maxi-pad stuck to it. Which then stuck to my hair. In front of EVERYONE.

    That’s what *I* think of when I hear the word maxi-pad.

    Mo – Agreed. Piss is gross.

    Mrs. Waltz – Ugh. ANOTHER gross one.

    Kristin – Doog. Sorry I asked. *shiver*

    pisceshanna – Never heard that slang before but now I LOVE crease! Sorry.

    Elizabeth – Smegma is gross but kinda makes me laugh like the 11-year-old boy I am. The C word, however? Goes without saying.

    Nappy – Now you’re just TRYING to gross everyone out.

    Me – Glad to be of service.

    MOFO – Yeah, I could see how the salve thing could get irritating. And I’m SO glad you told me what mecuricrome is! It’s in some song (that I can’t remember at the moment) and I always wondered WTH it was.

    Auds – You always could paint a pretty picture. *heave*

    Mel – Expunge. Ew.

    Carolyn – Okay, I can top that — there’s a septic company in MY town called Little Stinkers. They have a giant POO painted on the side of their truck. And whenever there’s a parade one of the employees walks along in a giant POO costume, throwing tootsie rolls to the kids. TRUE STORY.

    Dr. Leah – And you’re a doctor!! Heh heh :)

    Renee – SO with you. I have NO tolerance for bigots.

    Beej – I’m going to make you a t-shirt that says Moist & Creamy, so we can find you.

  26. another co-worker

    Panties. Ick.

  27. I cannot tolerate the M word. Blech. Phlegm is also icky, the word and the snot.

  28. Lisa G.

    Pablum (old-timey baby formula), Num-nums (re:my boobs when I nursed my daughter) and twit-twat (bet you can guess that one). All of these courtesy of my MIL. I think she has issues.

  29. waltzinexile

    Okay, I know this is over and all, and I’ve already had my say but it turns out I wasn’t done. Sorry. It’s just that the other comments made me realize something (especially Lisa G): I canNOT stand it when my MIL infantilizes (that’s a word, right?) words around my children, especially body part words (and I must have been hella undiagnosed PPD after Goat #1 was born because just thinking about this is making my blood boil.) She couldn’t change a diaper or give a bath without talking about (and/or TO [Um, ICK]) his “peenie” (or “pee-pee”.) Hey you! It’s a penis. Say it with me: Pee-niss. There you go. Also (and I realize this is probably going to make me sound even more insane than I already do) (if that is even possible) I HATE the word “boobies.” HATE. IT. I am NOT “boobiefeeding” my child. I am breastfeeding my child. Say it with me: breast. See how easy that was? And for the love of all that’s holy, if that’s just too much for you, try “nursing.” There.
    Mommypie, I need to thank you for letting me come here and get this out of my system. No way could this go on my own blog (no MIL bashing allowed [Goat Daddy’s rule, and it’s probably a good idea since I could fill up teh interwebs with ugly thoughts and well, that would just be pathetic]) so thank you.
    Oh, and I used to hate “the c word” too, but once through Eve Ensler’s book and one performance of the play cured me of that. While it still SOUNDS ugly to my ears (much like “the n word”) I refuse to allow anyone without one to take a word that is inherently female and make it ugly. Down with patriarchical language oppression!
    /soapbox

  30. Anyone who hates the word “num-nums” has never seen Peter Sellers in The Party. And that is just SAD.

    P.S. WaltzinExile’s got MIL issues, huh? I’m having a new t-shirt made specifically for her.

  31. Oh, I can see us all at BlogHer now. Good times a-comin’.

  32. Wait a second…Waltz – You know someone that calls it boobiefeeding? They should be shot.

  33. waltzinexile

    blissfully_caffeinated,
    My sentiments exactly.

  34. Ok I had to come back to this post.

    Megawatt, just home from college was in the kitchen baking a cake that had a creamy center to it. I can’t recall what you call them. Dammit.

    Oh! Bundt cakes.

    Anyhow, she’s got it out of the oven, barely out of the pan — steam is still coming off of it and she takes a huge bite and with a mouthful says;

    “OMG Mom, this is the moistest, creamiest cake ever!”

    Then I hurled.

    Yep, those sure are the mother daughter moments I cherish.

  35. Howling at the num-nums boobiefeeding conversation. Do all you guys know how much I adore you? Because I LOVE LOVE LOVE the back-and-forth conversations that go on in the comments.

  36. waltzinexile

    I’m back. I just wanna thank Auds for not saying “Then I spewed” or “Then I puked.” (Yeah, “puke” is only a shade better than “spew” in my book and — now my gag reflex is in overtime. Hold on — Okay.) I’m sorry about the world’s grossest cake.

  37. Gee thanks. The word “cream” never bothered me until NOW.

    MommyPie, you would fit right in at my house. I am always asking why guys have to announce they’re leaving to take a dump. Congratulations. Have a good time. Hope it’s a good one.

    Other than that, living in a mostly male home, I am not allowed to have sensibilities to any words or my weakness would be continually exploited. I can totally make them cringe when I announce I’m gonna take a dump. Yeah “dump” is really my only weakness and now, cream.

    OMG, 3limes, we used the word ‘smegma’ as some catchall phrase like schmutz. I just recently found out (from the blogosphere) it’s a real word. Never mind, that is NOT smegma on my shirt!Ewwww. But still funny.

  38. Wow..what a riot, just reading all of these comments. I’m so glad that I’m not the only person in the world who hates the word panties. I’m sure there are other ones that bother me, but that one has always been the worst..though I may develop problems with the words moist and creamy now…

  39. “hose” instead of nylons.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s