Can’t we all just get along?

Things in my office have been a little tense lately. I work with five women and one man, Conservaboss. (I think it’s about time for more BO bumper stickers …) I’ve worked with TONS of women before and NEVER experienced the catty, nosy, jealous, backstabbing BS that goes on in my office nearly every day. Seriously. Women are absolutely ridiculous. I don’t know how lesbians do it.

In all honesty, it really comes down to just a few bad apples who get off on trading negativity almost as much as two hormonal teenagers swapping spit. And I’ve learned the best way to avoid being peppered with the BS is to stay buried in my office.

Until Monday.

Remember my Social Media Presentation last week? On Monday, one of the Apples (who takes great joy in finding fault with me, my ideas, my work, etc.) rolled into my office, sat down, and gave a backhanded compliment before tearing it apart.

And I lost my shit.

Just thinking about it exhausts me. Needless to say, when the smoke cleared and all was said and done, I felt like a weight had been lifted. I was completely honest. And it was completely harsh. But 100% deserved.

What it comes down to is this. I would love nothing more than to spend each day with MP. Being the sole bread-earner, that’s not a possibility right now. But if I can’t be with her, I damn well better like the people I DO spend time with. Because thinking that I spend more hours each day with a few downright nasty beyotches than I do with my daughter makes me angry.

So tomorrow, the entire staff will be going on our annual day-long “retreat.” Which really just means we go somewhere, recap the past year and talk about plans for the next. AWESOME timing. Should be a BLAST.

I’ve decided to take the high road however, and attempt to be a uniter.

I’ll be passing out Pop Rocks and Diet Pepsi. If THAT doesn’t get a laugh, I’ll be throwing in the proverbial towel and heading to an ashram somewhere in India.

25 Comments

Filed under Piece of My Mind

25 responses to “Can’t we all just get along?

  1. Good luck. Toxic spills abound these days. The high road is the safer place to be.

  2. Hang in there! Try and enjoy yourself and eat something really good and bad for you! :-)

    PS did your boss ever find the sticker? What did he say?

  3. KD — I think the stickers must have fallen off — I never heard a word from him, which is kind of disappointing … :)

  4. I hate those back handed compliments and the arses that give them.

  5. Oh I do feel for you. I don’t have the tug of a wee one at home, but it occurs to me that I really don’t like the people I work with very much, either. And that is sad because life is short and I spend way too much time here. (Hey can I get dooced for commenting???) I agree with MPM above; the high road is always safest. You can always jump down from there, but once down, it’s hard to climb back up. Be good to yourself.

  6. Good luck.

    I feel you – having worked in a similar office to yours (by industry, size and gender) when I left my ex. It’s hard in such tight quarters… you’ll do what’s best for you and M.P.

    My solution to office troubles – dive into my blogland and forget they exist. Not sure if that works but I’m still here and manage to avoid most of the ridiculous, petty tiffs.

    People suck sometimes.

  7. Can I just tell you that there is a constant eight grade girl saga going on at my office. I’m not even involved in it, but those girls seem to just want to suck the life out of everybody. A while back I overheard one of them saying that they didn’t really trust me because I never come over and socialize and I always seem to important. I barged in an told them that if by “important” they meant “busy” then they were right. I added that I don’t have time to be concerned what gossip is going on in the office. I don’t even have time to wash my hair every day.

    We call that clique of 20 somethings the “Skinny pants” girls. They have to get together every morning to judge who looks most like a “Gossip Girl” WTF?

  8. Ha – we call ours the Clackers. Because all they do is talk behind everyone’s backs.

  9. You can do this. Totally. Refresh yourself! Enjoy yourself. Don’t give the apples power – cause really? It’s much better being an orange!

  10. I’ve had great co-workers and horrible co-workers. It such a drain on the life you try to have outside of work when you have to go to a horrible workplace atmosphere everyday. I hope things improve.

    Or barring that, I hope the pop rocks and pepsi cause a giant natural gas explosion that sucks up all the asshat co-workers in an inferno-like ball of fire.

  11. oh yes, one of *those* days…I hear you loud and clear. good luck at the offsite…maybe earplugs would help :-)

  12. Rick's Cafe

    At least you aren’t worried about your work life taking over your home life….

    ps. my backhand on the tennis court is much better than the one in print :)

  13. I hadn’t read this until now. Suddenly, all your tweets today make sense.

    Listen, I’m in the same boat. I cry at least once a week because I hate my job and I miss my kid. I sit next to – seriously, no joke – THE MOST ANNOYING MAN ON THE FACE OF THE EARTH. I make obscene gestures and ugly faces at him multiple times per day, from behind the cubicle wall.

    So far I’ve managed to stay out of the fray, but I can totally see how you would lose it. And I feel for you.

    Wish I had some magic solution, but trust me, if such a thing existed I’d be working from home right now. I’ve found that deep breaths and “sick” days help.

    Also, vodka.

    Hang in there, Pie Lady.

  14. I have worked in an office with ONLY MEN for 12 1/2 years. Until now, I never really appreciated the fact that there is very little drama. I have been more concerned that there is no one to console me when I have a bad hair day. Perhaps I need to rethink this….

    Good luch at the “social” tomorrow. Can’t wait to hear how THAT turns out!

  15. Watercooler gossip is played out. Ours takes place at the copier. Why? Because it’s a Canon 750 SCI? Because it scans and faxes 12 pages a minute. who knows. It’s sad people have to gossip. Why not play with the copier instead.

  16. Dare me to photocopy my butt and tape it to their monitors?? Heh heh.

  17. Good luck tomorrow! Keep on the high road – remember what rolls down hill and stay above it.

  18. I work in an all-male + me work environment.

    Last year for the first time since I started this job (YEARS), we had a woman join the office. She’s very nice but to say that she was unstable is the understatement of the year. She cried most of the time, she used the F-bomb — AT WORK!! — like most people use “the,” and the drama NEVER. STOPPED. She lasted only a few months. Now there is tension, but there is very little drama, and NO personal drama.

    From now on I want to be the only female in my office, at all times.

    Best of luck to you getting past this, dear Miss Pie.

  19. Rick's Cafe

    Foolery’s, and other comments seem to be consistent with everything that’s been discussed about this topic. Following that logic, I’d like to offer a slightly different view of the proverbial ‘glass ceiling’.

    The glass ceiling exists for women not because ‘the man’ is keeping women down, but rather because there just aren’t enough jobs in the world for every woman who wants to (or has to) work, to be able to be the Queen Bee of her office.

    For a sex that has no hesitation to and is constantly telling men that they need to ‘learn to get along’. That they need to ‘lean to play fair’. That they need to ‘lean to be nice’. Women just can’t seem to follow their own advise, acting instead like a …..Queen Bee, destroying all female competition.

    There just aren’t enough hives (offices)in the world for all the female bees.

  20. Foolery / Big Hair Envy — I’d SO much rather work with men. They just play nicer.

    Rick, you NAILED it. This is a time when I wish I wasn’t incognito, so I could forward your comment to my co-workers.

    **And THANK YOU everyone for all your support! The day wasn’t TOO painful. My arch nemisis actually kept her mouth shut quite dramatically, calling to attention that her feelings were hurt. Really, it was pretty ridiculous.

    And, I DID try lightening things up. I DID pass out Pop Rocks. The Clackers declined, of course. Buzz Kills. Oh well. *I* enjoyed em. **

  21. Rick's Cafe

    Did I mention how worthless a beehive is without a Queen?

    ….all those hard working drones lounging in their Lazy-Boys, sucking down beer, watching football all day long (was there life before cable) get fat and lazy without a Queen to make (offer) a little honey (sugar).

  22. another co-worker

    Can we just clarify that I am not one of the Clackers? In fact, I coined the term. And the Pop Rocks were cool, but I brought the Coke.

  23. Oh yeah, another co-worker and QB are NOT Clackers. And unfortunately, the Pop Rocks/Coke combo did NOT result in anyone’s head exploding.

  24. commandodilemma

    Run for the hills.
    It will never get any better.
    I have been RIGHT where you are.
    Seriously- these beeotches will now go out of their way to bring you down. It will become exhausting.

    New job. New job. New job.

    Trust me.

  25. QB

    thanks, mp for taking me out! I appreciate it. I missed the heads exploding, though I appreciate the pop rocks, they were great!I would miss you if you left. who would protect me from The Clackers?

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