Drill Diva’s Holiday Decorating Tip #31

Grammy says she likes Shabby Chic.

In this case, Redneck Decorating Tips may be more accurate.

Either way, I think she’s on to something.
Eat your heart out, Martha.

More on the pest (outta) control front.

The filthy stinkin’ bastard mice in my car have smartened up. Usually I get one each night in a trap. Now, they bypass it completely and poo around the perimeter. Thankfully, I noticed their handiwork before hoisting MP into the car seat yesterday morning. Piles of stuffing and poo.
Totally at my wit’s end, I went [...]

Because tales of the Underworld are always appropriate.

Remember awhile back when I mentioned I got a super cool freelance copywriting gig? All because of the blog? Well, the project’s done and the web site’s gone live and I’m pimpin’ it, just because I think it’s so freakin’ cute. Go check it out and get YOUR fortune!
www.lonelyfortunewriter.com
Never have I had the urge to [...]

I am.

I am from 70s Suburbia and swimming pools.
I am from tinkly drinks on the rocks and smoke-filled parental cocktail parties.
I am from a green station wagon named Lucy and the soothing sound of her wipers against torrential rains.
I am from all-day kickball with the boys and cardboard sliding in the hills.
I am from fake vomit [...]

Gettin’ Pippi widit.

It was brought to my attention that one of my Tweets Thursday sounded a bit … odd.

You’re right, it does sound like code. (You and your dirty minds.) Unfortunately, my life is not NEARLY that racy.
Here’s the poop. The company I work for puts on an annual business conference, complete with workshops, exhibitors and a [...]

Best Electric Boogaloo gets my vote.

If you’re still undecided about the election, go to YouTube and search for “Barack Dancing.” Then, ask yourself the very important question: Who would you rather see dancing at the Inaugural Ball?
Michelle and Barack? Or Cindy and John?
The answer seems clear until you remember Wildcard Couple Sarah and Todd. And SP’s “Roof is on Fire” [...]

Baby got back.

Yesterday, I spent all day working a conference my company sponsors. At one point, I was standing near this guy with the coolest baby carrier I’d seen.

ME: That is SO COOL! I LOVE it!
BACKPACK DUDE: Thanks. It’s totally organic. (That he says this with a Scandinavian accent makes it even more organic-y.)
ME: Where did you [...]

Howling at the moon and other country activities.

It happened last year and it’s happening again. A week before Halloween and MP’s waffling. Just a few weeks ago she was PSYCHED to be Bat Girl. Her costume is seriously kick ass.
And suddenly, now she wants to be a werewolf.
I have no idea who or what is responsible for planting this thought. Who knows [...]

Dirty Rat Bastards are goin’ DOWN.

My car is infested with field mice. Stinking, filthy, disease-riddled rodents.
How do I know?
BECAUSE THERE ARE FREAKIN’ MOUSE TURDS ALL OVER THE FREAKIN’ CAR.
On the floormats. On the driver’s seat. On the passenger’s seat. In MP’s CAR SEAT. In the freakin’ cup holders for freak’s sake.
The same thing happened two years ago. As soon as [...]

A day at the patch with Al.

Yesterday, as is customary this time of year, MP and I made our way to the Pumpkin Patch with Grammy and Poppy.
Shortly after arriving, we ran into one of MP’s friends from school. Together, along with his 2-year-old brother, they were inseparable.

Just like MP’s hand and butt.

It’s the latest phase. The Hand-Down-The-Pants one. It’s constant.
When [...]