Yo, Dooce. Try this on for size.

You know that whole “cleanse” kick you’ve been on? Recently, while on a road trip, I went through a little cleanse of my own, and thought I’d share. It’s fairly simple, and I think you’ll find, quite effective.

Consume the following within a 10 hour period:

Three (3) Extra Long Slim Jim’s (the 11-year-old boy in me would totally make a crack here, but I’ll refrain.)
Three (3) convenience store mini donuts
Six (6) lemon cookies
Four (4) handfuls dried pineapple (I’m fairly certain just THINKING about this food’s sugar content is enough to jump start any latent diabetic tendencies that might be lurking deep in my pancreas.)
Four (4) handfuls banana chips
One (1) handful dried blueberries
God knows how many pretzels
One (1) string cheese stick
Two (2) cans of Diet Pepsi
One (1) large fountain drink (more Diet Pepsi)

Wait 12 hours for full results. My gut tells me the Slim Jims ALONE might just do it.

Magical. I feel like a new woman.

Let me know what you think. I’m off to run through that field of wildflowers over yonder.

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24 Comments

Filed under (Nearly) 10 Easy Pieces

24 responses to “Yo, Dooce. Try this on for size.

  1. Oh how I needed a great laugh today! lol Love it!

  2. Dude I can’t imagine how that makes your stomach feel let alone the rest…ewww…Glad to know you are all CLEANSED.

  3. This is a cleanse I could get behind!

  4. I didn’t know Slim Jim’s were still around. I must be looking in the wrong stores. Great pun Mr’s G!

  5. I’m with Mel – Good one, Mrs. G. HA!

  6. Whenever I need a cleanse, I eat a large omelet from my work’s cafe. Does the trick every time.

  7. You just waited 12 hours? What…no shake and stir? LOL…

  8. My cleanse involves Jack in the Box monster tacos (2 for 99 cents) and Corn Nuts.

    VERY cleansing, if you know what I mean. And I think you do.

  9. HA!!!!!! Okay, I loved you before…but I’m bowing at your feet now. You just dissed the queen of Mom bloggers – the Dooce herself. And it was beyond fabulous. You just made me crave cured meat on a shelf. I’m dying for it. On the open road. You’re onto something here, MommyPie. You are.

    Eat that, Dooce. And then play your Wii to burn off the calories. BOOOYAAA!

  10. This is really a good blog !! Ha!

  11. I have to poop just reading this

    #1

  12. My work here is done.

  13. Love your blog and this post.

    Dang – love the cleanse too.

  14. Slim Jims scare the hell out of me. Just thought I’d share.

  15. Oh Grasshoppa. Anything that’s fun is usually baaad.

  16. All I have to do is SMELL a Slim Jim and I’m off and running, and not in a good way.

  17. What about the Twinkies?

  18. You are awesome. I read Dooce’s cleanse post and it knocked her down on my idol notch a bit …

  19. Well, I can check this off my list of Things to Ask Mommy Pie About When She Gets Home. Thank you!

  20. slim jims do it? wow i wish i knew that before i swallowed all this exlax.

  21. I am so glad I’m not the only one who has this kind of diet! Came here from Foolery and I laugh at your Twitter Tweets but am so fed up with it, I sometimes don’t bother. I’m commenting not out of guilt, but because I just friggin want to. I’ll be back :) No lie LOL

  22. Nope, I’m lost, damn blog hopping! I came here from Bejeweled who Foolery sent me to….Shit, whatever…glad I came!

    Geez, am I being anal or what in giving credit?

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