I’m feeling a bit of the parent-of-an-only-child guilt. MP’s lonely. And the number of times she’s expressed wanting a companion is heartbreaking.
So, I’m thinking about getting her a dog. Been thinking about it for awhile, actually.
It’s not that easy, though. Because of her asthma and allergies, our selection is pretty limited. My personal criteria narrows the choices even more. Put it all together, it spells:
And no males. Because if I had to narrow my requirements down to two things …
I do not want them in the house.
I do not want them on the couch.
I will not have them on my bed.
I will not have them near my head.
I will not eat them in a box.
I will not eat them with a fox.
Wait. That’s not right.
I do not want to look at dog nuts.
(Nor do I want to look at dog BUTTS.
Which is why I’d NEVER have a Pug.
In a nutsack nutshell, I don’t want those things swingin’ around the Pie House. And if I’m being honest, which clearly I AM, it’s really the whole junkage that’s an issue. The whole <insert one jazz hand> area. It’s straight up p*rnographic. (See how I did that? Try to find me NOW, Google Pervs.)
Especially on the larger breeds. Great Dane? Super!! While we’re at it, let’s get a baboon with a big ‘ole ‘roid butt and call it a day. I always did want a monkey.
At least they wear diapers.
More and more, I’m seriously thinking …