The Last Dragonfly

With temps getting down to the single digits at night, and snow on the ground, it’s hard to believe just last week it was warm. That’s the way things are in the Rockies (this part, at least) — one or two weeks of fall at the most. Which doesn’t actually bother me too much — I’m more of a cold-weather mama anyway.

So to celebrate the end of summer, and possibly the last dragonfly of the year, I give you a video taken last week. (Forgive the shoddy camera work — forgot you can’t rotate the camera when it’s in movie mode. Duh.)

Let me preface this by saying MP LOVES bugs. She’ll tell you all about caterpillars and the cocoons they build. That baby grasshoppers don’t have wings. That Rhinoceros Beetles are stronger than any insect or animal on earth. And that kids in Asia keep them as pets. Thankfully we do not live in Asia.

Then there’s the dragonfly. The awesome, beautiful dragonfly. (Did you know they can fly forward AND backward?)

The Tooth Fairy’s first visit to the Pie House.

Last night MP lost her first tooth. HER FIRST TOOTH!

I may or may not have played a role in it falling out …

“Oow, Mommy, you’re brushing too hard!”

<<SNAP>>

<<BLOOD>>

“Did your tooth just come out?!?”

MP spit a wad of blood into her palm (‘atta girl!) and offered me its contents — a perfect pearly pink baby tooth that had been clinging to life by a few gummy threads for DAYS. It was time.

We jumped up and down and, in our PJs, ran to Grammy and Poppy’s in the dark.

We called Bobo and told him the news. We called Uncle Pauly and told HIM the news, too, cutting things short when he told MP the Tooth Fairy usually brought $50 for the first tooth.

“Mommy! Fifty DOLLARS!”

Bastard.

Turns out Uncle Pauly was wrong. Instead, this morning, MP awoke with silver fairy dust sprinkled in her hair and around her pillow, and a crisp TWO dollar bill under her pillow. Oh, and a small bag of jacks and a note from TTF herself.

And the wonder and joy of it all nearly made me cry.

*sigh*

Baby Pie’s growing up.

Mommypie in L.A. Day Two.

So, Day Two in LA. You already know Day One was loaded with quality celebrity sightings … How, you ask, can it get any better?

Oooh, my friends, get better it does.

The day began once again on the Sony Pictures Lot (Did those 10 words really just come out of MY mouth?) where we had another course covering multiple Sony products, including their Handycam HDR-CX100 camcorder (which, in addition to recording amazingly crisp images, fits in a small evening bag! And it’s red!) and their Cyber-shot DSC-TX1 — Sony’s very cool new point-and-shoot. My two favorite features? The super easy touch screen (think iPhone) and an amazing panoramic capability like you’ve never seen before. (I totally sound like the ShamWow Dude, but it’s all TRUE.) 

Here’s me with one of Sony’s new Alpha DSLRs. (That’s Digital Single Lens Reflex — highly coveted by bloggers.) We each had the use of one for three days and lemme tell you, giving that beautiful baby up at the end of the trip was HARD. Mommypie was very sad not to come home with one (hey, a girl can dream) — especially after such fantastic instruction by Photographer Me Ra Koh (LOVE her). It’ll take awhile, but I may have to save my pennies …

So back to the agenda. We knew that the following day we’d be attending the premiere of the animated children’s movie “Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs.” (Get it? We’re moms?) As a special bonus, we learned that we’d also be sitting down with some of the actors and the directors for round-table interviews, which is where we went after lunch. (Again. Did that phrase really just come out of MY mouth?)

We talked to Bobb’e J. Thompson, who plays (er, voices?) Cal Deveraux, son of Earl Deveraux, voiced by Mr. T, who, in my opinion, stole the show. But more about that in the next post.

He was quite the entertainer.

We interviewed the directors, Phil Lord and Chris Miller, two self-described (and completely adorable) geeks. Phil totally reminded me of Cory Haim. Minus all the drugs. I could’ve eaten him with a spoon.

The interviews wouldn’t have been complete without the stars, Anna Faris (I have to admit, I had NO idea who she was, even AFTER meeting her), and Bill Hader. (Who I only knew as That Guy Who Plays Creepy Characters on SNL That Make Me Want To Wash With Lava.)

Anna was charming and smart and cute as a baby bunny. (Oh, and btw, I have since watched House Bunny and now see what all the fuss is about. Hilarious. ‘Sweet Balls’ is now officially my favorite expression.) Bill was flat out funny. And he strung words together like “fucking weird,” which I dug, because it was real. Honestly, they were all surprisingly real. The fact that they were outnumbered by nine mommy bloggers might have had something to do with it … we’re very maternal, you know.

And highly intimidating. Like sushi. Or chess.

I digress.

Other notable Second Day Moments? Sitting in the [very YOUNG] bar at The W in Westwood with my new BFF Karen Sugarpants later that night. The two old chicks in the corner Twittering? Yeah, that was us. I think I actually sent Phil Lord a Tweet that the Sony Moms wanted to eat him with a spoon. Or something.

The only thing better? That Beth Blecherman came down IN HER PAJAMAS to drink with us 15 minutes after we’d left.

We ROCK.

Mommypie in L.A.

So Doogs, last week took a bit of a surreal turn — Sony Electronics flew nine mommy bloggers, including yours truly, to LA for a little tete a tete.

Um, WHA?!?

Crazy but true. I have so much to tell you, it’s definitely gonna take a few days. I thought I’d start with a little sampling of my many, many celebrity sightings and brushes with greatness on the Sony Pictures Lot.

‘Memba him? Everybody Loves Raymond? Apparently he has a reality dating show now. (In his defense, the Mom Jeans don’t do him justice.)

Seven seconds later …

Holy Mamarazzi.

Then, unbelievably, one of my secret boyfriends cruised by.

You can’t tell, but his golf cart is made out of gold.

And here’s the guy who told us where we could find Cameron Diaz and Seth Rogan … but we didn’t hear it from him. *wink wink*

Clearly he’s unaware that bloggers ALSO have a hard time keeping their mouths shut.

No matter — no Cameron. No Seth. We DID see the new, top secret set of Jeopardy though. AND the set of a new Cher movie. Now, if only the two could somehow be combined … Alex Trebek in Bob Mackie … Ooohmommyblogger, THERE’s a show I’d watch. (The dream sequence potential ALONE is almost enough to make me break down and buy TiVO.)

Let’s be fiends.

Oh, I love SPAM.

Yeah, not really, but when it’s this dumb, it makes me laugh.

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takes only 2 minutes to complete form and find fiends or love!!

Screw the love … FIND FIENDS?!?

Dude. If there will be Thriller Zombie Dancing, I’m in.

My new marriage tradition. Who’s with me?

This weekend I was supposed to drive to Utah to see The Boy, who’s there visiting his mom, but instead, I’m here on the couch, thanks to a nasty head cold. Thank you pediatrician’s office last week. Thank you Booger Eaters IN the pediatrician’s office who gave it to MP, who gave it to me.

No worries — he should be back this way soon. For now, the distance seems to actually be working just fine. We’re in agreement that there’s no need to rush things. We’re together, even if we’re apart. I don’t take the ring on my finger lightly, and neither does he.

Well … I don’t take the ring ITSELF lightly. I’d be lying if I said it was always on my finger. Honestly, I never got it when married guys said they didn’t wear a ring because they “didn’t do jewelry,” or “it just bugged them.” Whatever, right?

Okay, I get it. NOW, I get it. Cause it kinda bugs me too. I’ve never been a huge jewelry girl, but I’m trying. I’m REALLY trying. I do love the ring. I love that he picked it out. I love that it’s so understated. It’s perfect.

And in the scheme of things I suppose it doesn’t make much difference. The plan is to each get rings tattooed on our fingers. (Because he’s one of those non-ring wearing guys … serendipity, no?)

Although, the more I think about it, I might have a better idea. I propose a NEW tradition. New, but still in keeping with the spirit and symbolism of the ring. Instead of a ring, maybe I’ll just have his FACE tattooed on my fingertip. It IS permanent, after all, and that way he’ll always be with me, regardless of distance.

As I age and my fingers prune-up … so will his face. Isn’t growing old together the whole point? MWAH.

And when I’m pissed at him, I’ll just stick that finger right on up my butt. No fighting, no arguing. Just lots of passive aggressive sodomy.

(Ooh yeah, I’m taking “giving the finger” to a WHOLE new level with this one, baybee.)

And on that note, a random photo search result. Look what Google delivered TODAY when I did a search for “finger.”

Awww. Smoochy smooch.

Not to worry. You have my word — absolutely no Finger Monkeys will be harmed in the expression of marital anger. (There’s a Richard Gere joke in here somewhere, I’m just not feelin’ it tonight …)

Leatherface called. He wants his skin back.

So I’m searching the web for a photo to put up in Swap Mama’s new Antiques & Collectibles group. (Did I mention we’re on track to hit 3,000 members in a few days?!? WAAA HOOO!) I search for “antique dolls.”

I get THIS.

Um …

Hold me.

Which, I’m thinking is going to be the same reaction Yo Gabba Gabba reruns on DVD will get 200 years from now.

But seriously. This? I’m troubled.

If karma exists, in my next life, I’m sure I’ll be a fly.

I was such a dude in a past life.

Given a choice, I’d rather drink beer.

I truly believe there may be nothing funnier on earth than a fart.

And war movies and sports movies are always guaranteed to make me cry.

Seriously. It’s quarter to one in the morning, I’m sitting here in The Big Chair (correctly referred to as a “chair and a half” which is accurate, but just not a cozy enough description for my beloved and well-loved Big Chair) watching some football flick with Dennis Quaid – which totally narrows it down, right? – and bawling my face off because not only is it a sports movie, but the protagonist dies of leukemia. Which, hello? SO not right.

It’s not over yet – maybe they can throw in a war scene – lots of guys dying in battle. And some tragic music. And the final scene from The Notebook for good measure. Because, you know, in THIS life I’m a chick.

Oh, here’s more proof of my past life — my newest obsession. After the internet, the BEST INVENTION EVAH.

THE Cadillac of fly swatters. (Have I mentioned my intense hatred of flies and their poop-covered, hairy little legs? And the vomit spots they leave on my blinds?) The Boy and I happened upon this electric gem at a discount store in Connecticut. I loved it so much I went back the next week and bought six more – one for each member of the family … and a few extras for Christmas presents.

These guys SO need to market this on wedding registries — what other product on the market simultaneously keeps a home pest free AND promotes spousal bonding through cold-hearted, murderous good, wholesome entertainment?

Huh? *Elbow nudge* Am I right?

Electrocution. It’s never been so fun! (I ain’t in marketing for nuthin’.)

Obama comes to Montana and learns to fish in a ditch.

So Friday? Obama came to town.

Oh yeah … and hung out at the house NEXT DOOR for the afternoon.

Which totally sounds like I must live in some hoity-toity neighborhood, but Doogs … I live in a doublewide. Albeit, a nice one, but still … it’s a DOUBLEWIDE. There just happens to be a McMansion a few acres over with a river running through it.

Okay, that’s not true.

It’s really running through the backyard, but that doesn’t sound as poetic or … movie-worthy … I digress.

Turns out the O-Man was learning to flyfish. Which is actually pretty funny. To any seasoned Montana flyfisherman, that particular stretch of river? Might as well fish in a ditch. (And that comes from Poppy.)

Anyhoo, earlier in the day, Obama landed at the airport — which we live all of three minutes from — and we watched Air Force One land from the road just outside the runway. That, in and of itself, was pretty cool.

Once home, we noticed a military helicopter circling the immediate area around our house, over and over. Low. Grammy and I commented on it, but dismissed it as regular security since we were so close to the airport.

A few hours later, Poppy noticed the Secret Service. And Highway Patrol. And Sherrif. And an Ambulance. And 30+ SUVs and cars. All parked at the house next door. He suggested we start shooting gophers from the deck. Which … would’ve been funny until we were all shot by snipers.

I, Gladys Kravitz, had to get a closer look, and recruited MP to walk down our driveway, in the rain, to *check* the mail. Which didn’t look suspicious in the least. Especially when MP balked and stopped halfway there. Too late to turn back, I continued alone, and as I neared the gravel road, a black SUV, previously in park, slammed it into gear, sped toward me, nearly hit me, sped past me … and splattered mud all over me.

I flipped off a G-Man. Crossin’ it off the Bucket List.

A few minutes later, safely back in Grammy’s house (for those who don’t know, our houses are next to one another), we watched the motorcade depart for the mountains.

Grammy stood on the front porch, jumping up and down in the rain, waving like a lunatic. And SHE’s a Republican.

She DID get a photo:

Focus much? I’ll cut her some slack. She had the fevah.

The elephant in the room.

Okay, so here’s the deal. The trip to Connecticut to see The Boy didn’t go all that well.

What we THOUGHT would be our first taste of “real life,” turned out to be anything but, I’m afraid. With MP not in her summer preschool program, that meant she was with me 24/7.

NOT real life.

We spent our days in one of three places: the house, the beach, or the store. The three places I could actually FIND.

NOT real life.

And THAT meant I didn’t have much time to work.

NOT real life.

And THAT meant I was stressed and feeling like I had a ton to do each night … just about the time The Boy was ready to quit HIS day and relax. Which left him feeling ignored.

Throw a set of seven-year-old twins into the mix, neither of whom take their muddy shoes off in the house, eat junk food, and don’t brush their teeth at night, and my OCD-riddled brain came close to spontaneously combusting.

Breaking point was about the tenth night MP woke up scared and I brought her to bed. Yeah, didn’t go over all that well. The Boy is NOT a happy sleeper.

Oh, and did I mention the scorching case of poison ivy I’m STILL toting around? And the bug bites? And that it RAINED nearly the entire time? Overcast, gloomy, dark, wet and humid. Not my idea of paradise.

This would be an appropriate moment to use one of my most-hated words. Moist. Connecticut is moist.

*sigh*

So, we’re chillaxin’. We both agree last month kinda sucked. Since then, we’ve each used the phrase “it’s going to take some adjustment,” more times than not. He needs to remember what it’s like to have a five-year-old, and I need to deal with a little dirt and a whole new set of parenting rules. (The not brushing at night though, that’s gonna be tough.)

I guess this is what happens when you change your entire life at age 41.

“Adjustment.”

Hip, hip, boo.